Blood Promise: The Quest
by steffy2106
Summary: This is my own version of Blood promise. It starts a week after Rose left St Vladimir. It follows her quest to find Dimitri. Contains many spoilers of the 3 other books. No copyrights infringement intended,i don't own Vampire academy or its characters.
1. Chapter 1

**A.N:** Hey guys!! So here's my new story!! It's my own version of the 4th book (the 'real' one will be released in August) of the Vampire Academy Series. If you want you can check the play list i created for this story ( it will be updated while i write) it will put you in the mood. You can also check the opening credits for this story as i did a video on youtube on how i "picture" the characters.

Anyways this story will be full of spoilers for the series so... I really hope you are going to enjoy it!! And don't forget the more reviews i get the sooner i'll update.

I would like to thank my beta Kelly to take the time to read my chapters since i'm sure she has way better to do. Thanks girly =)

Well without further ado...here is chapter 1.

**Chapter 1.**

Here I was in this crappy motel room somewhere in _Coeur d__'__Alene _suburb. I finally managed to cross from Montana to Idaho in the late afternoon and hoped I would make it to Spokane tomorrow.

It wasn't easy to travel in this horrible little car I bought at the dumpster a little over a week ago.

"1 Week…" I huffed dropping in the old armchair smelling both dust and Naphtali.

It had been a week now since I had crossed the Doors of St Vladimir…Seeing my best friend Lissa, probably for the last time in my life and it felt like a life time ago.

I quickly put my hands over my eyes to stop the tears from running and took a deep breath to try and dislodge the lump that had formed in my throat causing actual physical pain when I thought about everything I abandoned behind me… all the promises I broke to run after a big unknown, based on the hints by a ghost.

_A_ _ghost… _I shook my head. "Way to go Rosemarie!!" I added out loud standing up in order to take a shower.

I looked in the bag containing all the clothes I owned, which was actually limited to 2 pairs of jeans, 3 sweaters and some cotton underwear.

I had a lot of money. LOTS!! Adrian made really good on his promise. When I went to the bank to sign the papers I couldn't believe how much money he had put in the account he opened for me … 300,000 dollars!! Well I guess it's not much when your surname is Ivashkov but boy! It didn't feel right, I couldn't exploit his feelings for me (or for my body I didn't know for sure). I promised him I would come back after dealing with my ghosts (both figuratively and physically) and to give him an honest chance to conquer my heart, but I knew at the exact instant that I made that promise that I couldn't keep it.

Firstly, how could he conquer something that didn't exist anymore? Half my heart died the instant I saw Dimitri being taken by our worse enemies….The Strigoi.

The other half died the moment I left St Vladimir breaking every promise I had ever made, letting down the only other person who meant something to me.

Secondly, I promised to come back, but a small…a tiny but powerful part of me, wished that I would fall the same time when I kill Dimitri. This part knew perfectly that it would be almost unbearable to have tomorrows after killing my soul mate and this part didn't even want to try.

So I decided not to touch the money he put in the account for me because I also knew that using the card or the money would give them my location and if I had to die I would go alone this time. I decided to only use the money he had handed me in his room. It was already a lot of money…. Well at least for someone like me. 20,000 dollars, but I didn't know how long I would be gone for…How long I would be tracking Dimitri so I needed to save as much as I could.

I took a quick look outside the windows at the little green Honda parked in front of my motel room. It looked terrible, but ran well… at least if you didn't try to get over 45mph. But it was better than I expected of a car that only cost me 500 dollars!

I nibbled on my bottom lip as my stomach started growling. I needed some food, but I didn't feel like leaving this room, I looked in my bag and found a box of cookies and a bottle of water…it would have to do.

Right now I needed a hot shower to ease my painful muscles. I spent the whole day in caves, but there were no traces of Strigoi…That's why I decided to go to Spokane….

_Where it all started… _I thought feeling a shooting pain in the middle of my chest…. In the empty space where my heart used to be.

Once I was done with my shower, which actually didn't help unfortunately. I wrapped a towel around me and stood in front of the mirror, my eyes locked on my own reflection.

I was still Rose…I was still the 18 year old dhampire that I have always been, but there were some slight differences… differences that made me a totally different person…Someone who lived too much… saw too many things…I could feel the _Molnija_ marks on my neck tickling.

I let my eyes wander in the bathroom and they stopped on the little Orthodox silver cross pendant attached to a leather strip. I took it and looked at the back where the word _Сила_, which meant _Strength _in Russian was engraved.

I put it back around my neck while holding the cross tightly in my hand.

I closed my eyes and let the tears stream quietly down my face.

"You were the full symbol of strength…. You were my strength. How am I even suppose to continue without you?" I asked rhetorically to a Dimitri that was no more.

I tightened my hand around the cross and into a fist… it was so tight the cross was pinching my skin. It was my most precious possession, the only thing that was his… the only thing I had that was tangible….that proved he was real... And that this man, this beautiful being did love me as much as I loved him.

I closed my eyes again remembering the day I got this cross.

_Dimitri and the others had been declared dead for two days, I couldn__'__t grieve as I wanted to because nobody knew what we were sharing, this beautiful, intense, overwhelming love._

_I was rolled up on my bed crying quietly when I heard a sharp knock at my door. _

_I ignored it, I knew it wasn__'__t Lissa and I didn__'__t care about anyone else anymore. _

_It could be my mother… the great Guardian Hathaway… and I surely couldn__'__t deal with all her Zen lessons on how he was a mentor and that I had to deal with it like a grown up…. I pictured myself punching her SO many times. No… I was defiantly not strong enough to face her tonight. _

_There was a knock again __"Damn__ it Hathaway…Open the freaking door! I don__'__t have all night!" She said in a hush tone with some annoyance in her voice. _

_I shot my head up in surprise. Alberta? Oh my… That was odd. She was a guardian and I was far from being her favorite person. I looked at my alarm clock which said it was 11.48 pm at this time? _

_I ran to open the door. _

"_It took you long enough" she hissed looking around. _

_It took all my will power not to tell her to screw herself and close the door on her face._

_I inhaled deeply. "What can I do for you?" I asked as detached as I could. _

_She looked at me for a couple of seconds surely assessing my blood shot eyes due to my heavy crying._

_She sighed, "Come with me." She said mysteriously scanning the corridor again._

_Her eyes silently pleaded me to follow her, my__ curiosity getting the better of me as I wrapped myself in my robe, put my sneakers on and tried to follow her quick steps outside the dorm. _

_I was lost in my thoughts as I tried to figure out why she came to me that I didn__'__t realize where we were going until we stood in front of a wooden door in the guardian dorm._

_I froze as pain was creeping to the surface…. I had tried so much to be brave in public, but I just couldn__'__t breathe anymore. It was like something was ripping up my chest._

_We were standing in front of Dimitri__'__s room, the only place in the world I didn__'__t want to be. I would rather be face to face with ravenous Strigoi but… but this was just too much… I was not strong enough. Tears started to fall down my cheeks as I knew it would be futile to try to hold them in._

"_Why…Why are you doing this to me?" I whispered __my voice shivering as my eyes locked on the door._

_I felt Alberta's unsure hand on my shoulder. "They are going to pack up all his personal belongings tomorrow and ship them to his mother in Russia." She squeezed my shoulder. __"I__ know you don__'__t feel like this now, but you will thank me one day. You need to be here__…You have to __go in there… You were…." She stopped._

_Her emotions surprised me so much that I finally looked at her and saw that her eyes were full of tears. _

"_You were everything to him… the only person he really loved." She said nicely. "And I know he was… and still his everything to you__.__" _

"_I…No…" I tried to deny._

_Alberta softly put a finger on my lips. "Your secret is safe with me..." She said with a soothing tone. "Even if I__'__m surprised it is still a secret. I__'__m not that observant, but when you two were locking eyes it was like the whole world could have disappeared without you two noticing…. People were blind not to notice True love just in front of them." She added opening the door. "I__'__ll keep an eye out for you. Take your time….take what you want… I know he would have wanted you to have everything." She added with a sad smile._

_As I walked into the room I saw his lame music from the 80__'__s, his western novels and couldn__'__t help but smile. Gosh I loved every part of him. I went to his bed that was undone and laid on his pillow, inhaling the faint odor of his cologne. I closed my eyes and inhaled more deeply and it was like lying against him in the cabin all over again._

_I jumped up quickly, it was a terrible memory to revisit, I was scared to sink and not resurface. _

_My eyes wandered to his night stand where the cross was resting beside his cologne. _

_I read the inscription behind the cross and read the Russian version of the word __'__Strength__'__ and remembered Dimitri__'__s words as if he was standing beside me. _

_«You're strong - you're so, so strong. It's why I love you.» he said to me in the cabin._

_I put the cross __i__n my pocket and took the bottle of the cologne before almost running out of his room, before the building pain could cripple me. _

I opened my eyes, I was back in my crappy motel room, and looked at my hand grasping the cross, my knuckles were white as I used my all strength.

I shook my head, quickly nibbling two cookies before going to bed.

I liked to sleep because it made the time go faster. It didn't drag like my waking hours during which I organized and plotted the murder of my soulmate….the murder of my heart.

As I fell asleep I felt something different… Like my dream was wrong, like it wasn't mine. I was in a room full of sun, with a black sofa. I rolled my eyes and sighed as I realized what was happening. I didn't even have the time to fully realize that my dream was controlled until I heard a voice coming from the sofa.

"Hello my little dhampire…." Said Adrian finally looking at me with a smile.

**In next chapter: Rose and Adrian talk about St Vladimir and everything she left behind. **


	2. Chapter 2

**_Hey guys!! __._**

**Thank you so much for the sweet reviews you gave me on the site and on youtube and… everywhere else support means a lot to me. You have no idea how much some of your kind words meant to I still have problems with PM and things I did set up a special email address you can use if you needed/wanted to PM me something. It's: **

**Well here is chapter 2 as promised. **

**Don't forget to review… It will get you cookie points!!**

**Hugsies**

**Chapter 2:**

"Adrian…" I said with a stiff nod facing him completely. I knew that his money helped me to set my mission in motion, but it didn't excuse him to come and invade my mind. "I thought you were letting me go." I said crossing my arms on my chest keeping my distance. "You said you will be waiting for me." I added not being able to stop the guilt of my lies to resurface. "This…" I showed the whole room with a movement of my hand. "This in not waiting Adrian… This is invading." I added seriously.

"Invading?" Adrian asked with a little humorless laugh. "Isn't that a bit exaggerated?"

I glared at him.

"Well ok…" He said raising his hands as if he surrendered. "I know this is a little bit of an invasion, but I had no choice little Dhampire… I was worrying sick about you! I was almost going insane!" He added.

I was about to retort to butt out, but I could see he was absolutely sincere and even if my life didn't have much value to myself anymore it was good to know that someone cared whatever his reason was.

"Well… Thanks but I'm fine." I said trying to sound sincere.

"Oh no Rosie…" I widened my eyes with surprise to that nickname _'Rosie'…_That was a first! But I didn't say anything, it wasn't worth it. "You're not fine…You are so far from fine that I don't think you're even in the same area code."

This last remark did manage to steal a little smile out of me.

"I'm really worried that the Rosie I care for will never come back." He said shockingly letting all his defense, smugness and sarcasm behind.

I opened my mouth to say something, but what could I say huh? _THAT_ was unexpected.

"I didn't want to interrupt like this" he said honestly looking down "but… but I intended to keep an eye on you from time to time you know…" He shrugged "a couple of minutes hidden in your dreams just to make sure you were managing, but…" He looked up at me suspiciously. "You didn't dream! At all!!" He added with disbelief like it was still hard for him to believe it even if he saw it by himself. "How… How did you manage that?" He asked.

I shrugged and looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about." I said dismissively, as I secretly thanked the strong sleeping pills I managed to get in Missoula.

Since I left the academy I was just scared to sleep and dream… Dream of Dimitri or Lissa and see my will vanish. So after more than 48 hours without sleep I lost all sense of moral and broke into a pharmacy to stole some sleeping pills. They were doing a great job since I had dreamless nights and woke up pretty rested in the morning.

I wanted to make the stock last and I didn't want to cause a dependency… well I didn't care about addiction really I just didn't want to create a resistance because those tablets were my safety net for now, so I thought I was exhausted enough tonight to sleep without taking a tablet…_What a mistake! A mistake that won't repeat itself,_ I told myself.

"Aww Rosie…" Adrian said finally bringing my attention back to him "you don't have an addictive personality… don't turn into me….It ain't worth it. Nothing is worth destroying yourself."

"It's none of your business!" I said not bothering denying it. Adrian had the annoying ability to read me and it was getting on my nerves.

"Maybe it's not but you are important to me." He said grudgingly. "More important than you can even imagine… More important than I would like you to be." He added confused. "You promised to come back to me little Dhampire….To give me a chance to love you, to make you happy." He added seriously "and I intend for you to respect your promise" he added in a threatening tone, which was totally useless. I had nothing left to lose and we both knew it.

"I didn't _Promise_ anything" I muttered like a spoiled child.

He sighed in rendition. "Well I can see you're still breathing" he added standing up. "I'll get out now. I don't know if I'll ever be able to be in your head again." He said as he figured out I would not give him the opportunity to do so. "So… Well I miss you, miss you bad. Please…don't let us…don't let _me_ down and come back." He said with such an expression on his face that it tightened my chest.

"Thanks for everything" I just said. But as he started to fade away I spoke again. "How is she doing?" I asked cursing myself for doing so as he fully reappeared before me.

"Who?" He asked innocently.

I rolled my eyes as he surely knew who I was talking about. "Who? Lissa of course!"

"Glad you remember her." He said sarcastically, but I could see in his eyes that he almost instantaneously regretted his reaction. "Sorry… that was uncalled for."

I shrugged. Was it? I wasn't sure. I _DID_ abandon the only other person that meant the world to me to hunt the evil version of the love of my life. I abandoned her as she begged me not to go…. I didn't deserve compassion.

"You really want to know?" He asked as he was quickly assessing if he should tell me the truth or lie to spare me.

"I want the truth." I said trying to sound strong. Much stronger than I really felt. "I'd rather hear the hard truth then a sweet lie." I said standing straight. I was guardian Belikov's student… I had to make him proud… I had to make Dimitri proud to have chosen me over everything else.

A little light lit in Adrian's eyes like there was still some hope for the old Rose to come back eventually. "She…" Adrian walked to me and wrapped his right hand over my wrist. "She's a mess…" He said sadly. "Luckily Christian is here and I'm here too like … " he pouted slightly trying to find the correct words, "Like the undesired big brother, but you were her safety net, her shadow, her… well a part of her for so long that… that she's lost." He said nicely.

There was no reproach in his voice and that surprised me. "She knows it's selfish and that you need to deal with your demons and your grief the only way you know how but she loves you so much she… she's just scared she won't see you ever again to tell you how much you mean to her… how much she loves you."

I closed my eyes as a single tear fell down my cheek. I felt his thumb brush it away very softly, so softly that it felt like a feather.

"Don't cry little dhampire." He said trying to cheer me up a little. "If I could be sure that you would try your hardest to come back I would say it's a good thing for the two of you to be separated from each other for some time. She counts on you too much, it's never good."

I opened my eyes and looked at him without a word.

"You will try your hardest to come back right Rose?" He asked worriedly after reading something in my eyes.

I didn't, couldn't and wouldn't answer that question.

"And Christian…" He said changing the subject knowing that making me sullen was not the solution. "He is a bit mad because you left."

"Yeah… because I caused pain to Lissa." I said shamefully.

"No!" He chuckled, "He's mad because you didn't ask him to come with you!"

"What?!" I asked surprised. "He would never have left Lissa and I wouldn't risk his life like that."

"Oh I know!" Said Adrian, smiling "Christian knows it too! He wouldn't have come anyway...You know leaving Lissa with the big bad wolf…" He said pointing to himself. "But I guess you just hurt his ego as you made such a great team against the Strigoi…you were the _'__badasses__'_"

I shook my head. "That _does_ sound like Christian." I said with a tiny smile. "And what about the school? Any good gossip except me dropping out?"

I could see discomfort and embarrassment shift in Adrian's expression and that surprised me more than anything else that had happened tonight. Adrian was royalty… Big royalty!! Embarrassment was not part of the existing feelings in his world. "What? What's happening?" I asked digging my nails into his arm.

"Well…" he swallowed loudly. "Lissa and Christian are pretty busy defending your and Belikov honors anyways… They all know Rosie… They know everything."

"You Told!!" I shouted furious… no not furious… it was way beyond that! I could not find a word for all the anger I felt. "He did so many good things as a guardian!! He was almost a god for these people! A GOD!!" I was shouting so loud that it sounded like a shriek. "And now he will be remembered as the teacher who took advantage of his student! How…How could you?! "

"Would you shut the hell up!" He shouted back louder and angrier than I had ever heard before. Such a reaction coming from his usual smug calm personality shut me up straight away… not an easy thing to do as you know.

"I didn't say anything!" He said still shouting. "Like I wanted everyone to know!!" He added still angry. "Well let me tell you something, no I didn't!! Now whatever you decide to do I will always be number two!! The one YOU chose, because your first choice died!!" He said his voice full of despair. "Of course I'm not stupid! I would have known that myself but… But I don't care because….Because I would still have a part of you, whatever small that part might be. But now I know that everybody will talk about it…will make fun of me. And you know what annoys me the most? I still want you as much as I did before… No matter what they think! No matter what they say!"

"I'm…I'm sorry" I said sheepishly.

"I…" he exhaled heavily. "You were not discreet you know…. I noticed it as soon as I met you two and well when you left to find him it was easy to figure out what could be more important to you than Lissa… Your mission… As the rumors of you and Belikov being more than friends grew well...Some people tried to make it sound vile and reproachful, but Alberta snapped one day during lunch saying that what you guys shared was true love, which of course confirmed every rumor."

_Alberta…_ I thought shaking my head.

"But don't worry most of them don't judge you two." He said sincerely. "Nah!" He rolled his eyes, "Most of them think you two are…EPIC." He said shaking his head. "How can I fight an Epic huh?" He asked rhetorically. "Some of them are pretending they always knew as Stan Alto." He rolled his eyes again. "Some others finally put the pieces of the puzzle together, finally understanding some of the many, many hints you threw their way without even knowing it."

"Does…Does she knows?" I asked with apprehension.

"Your mom?" He asked as I nodded. "Yeah… yeah she does." He winced. "And boy she cursed in every language she knows! That Woman is terrifying!" He said sincerely impressed.

I grimaced. I was a failure in her eyes and I was fine with that, but I couldn't bare the idea that she was judging Dimitri too. She didn't know anything… Nobody did! It was so pure, so beautiful so strong that we never stood a chance.

"She's mad sure, disappointed certainly. Clearly surprised as most of them were, but… but she is mainly scared, even if she would rather die than admit it."

"Scared?" I asked surprised.

"It's really hard to face a Strigoi you once knew Rosie and it's even harder to face it when he actually meant something to you." He said seriously

I looked at him frozen as I knew where he was going.

"Your mom has to stay at the Academy as she is temporarily Lissa guardian until you decide to come back, but she is worrying sick, worrying sick that you won't make it back. She is sure that you're not ready to face the one you love…or once loved." He said as I could feel his panic too. "She thinks that if you face him one day you will not make it back. And she prays… as I do that you won't find him."

"I have to do it… I owe it to him!! I can do it! I'm strong enough….So strong! That's why he loved me" I said trying to convince both him and I.

"You are not ready little dhampire and probably never will be. How could you ever face the one who you say is your true love?" He asked more worried than actually questioning. "I'm going to let you go now and I'm sorry about what I'm about to do Rose. I have to do it because I can't lose you… I just can't."

"I. Don't. Understand" I said like a robot.

"I'm sorry… you need to see it by yourself. I…I care for you, too much for my peace of mind" he said fading away.

He was not here anymore I knew that, but I was still in the room.

_Why didn__'__t I jump back in my own dream? _I wondered.

I turned around, but there was nothing to be seen. I walked to the glass door, and as I was ready to open it I heard a voice behind me….A voice that pinned me to the spot, the most significant sound in my world…His voice.

"Roza… Oh Roza! I missed you so much" he whispered less than a foot behind me.

"Dimitri…" I said in a whisper

"Yes Roza it's me…. Turn around… Look at me my love." He said with a longing tone.

I turned around expecting to see his beautiful brown eyes full of love, but all I saw was red blood eyes. The eyes of Evil in the face of my Angel…My Dimitri was a Strigoi.


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N:** Hey guys!!

Firstly big kudo for all of you who reviewed chapter 2. You are amazing and i`m so glad that we share the same interest for this great series.

Secondly YAY fanfiction fixed the problem, i was starting to get worried.

I also would like to thank my great friend Kelly again for being the beta for my story. She is busy with college and all that but still takes the time to do it. I really appreciate it girl. Thank you SOO much.

Well here is chapter 3 and please please don`t forget to review ok?? *puppy sad eyes*

take care xoxo

**Chapter 3:**

_Dimitri…_I thought facing him still frozen. He was the same, but the significant differences made him a whole different person.

His beautiful face, his straight nose, full lips, his strong well designed jaw line was still the same, even if the skin wasn't beautifully tanned how it used to be… no now his skin was white…alarmingly white. A white I only knew too well, a shade of white that raised goose bumps on my skin.

His silky brown hair was down encircling his angelic face. The face I've learned to love from every angle, the face that meant the world to me…The only face that could ease the constant pain in my chest.

As I saw the sun playing on his hair showing the little golden reflects in it I frowned.

He couldn't be standing here now…He was clearly a strigoi and…and sun was deadly to them. I bit my lips.

_He is not really here…It's just a mind trick. _I thought.

"What are you thinking about so hard Roza?" He finally asked with the smile I used to long for. Just seeing it again was a relief, like a rush of air to the lungs after drowning.

"Aren't you happy to see me?" He added taking a step forward.

I automatically took a step backward. "It's …It's not you." I said my voice shivering as I fought the tears.

"Of course it's me!" he said taking a smaller step forward this time. "I may be a bit different…"

I scoffed, but he ignored it.

"I'm also less breakable and more durable but…" He looked down at me and extended his hand for me to seize "but I'm still the same deep down. I still love you so _SO _much" he added.

I didn't move. My brain was the only part of my being that was somehow working.

"Why are you doing this to me…?" I whispered too low for human ears to hear, but he heard me just fine.

"I'm keeping my promise to you Roza." He said tenderly. I realized how much I missed his voice.

I looked at him confused.

"After we made love…" This memory sent a shooting pain through my body. I did so well usually with blocking those hours from my memory.

"I told you that I would always be here for you so…Here I am," he said extending his hand again.

I remembered_. "I love you Roza." He kissed me again. "I__'__ll always be here for you. I__'__m not going to let anything happen to you_." He said to me in the cabin

I didn't have enough strength to refuse the contact of his skin once more as I was longing for this touch more than anything else.

He entwined our fingers, his skin was cold, but I didn't care. This simple touch sent electric vibes all over my body. He closed the distance slowly and lightly rested his forehead against mine.

"Join me Roza…" He whispered. "It's not as bad as you think and…and we could be together forever. I could love you till the end of time"

With our foreheads still joined I searched his eyes. We locked stares; I could smell the inviting cologne coming from his skin. Maybe there was still a part of the Dimitri I loved inside this Strigoi after all and maybe…maybe a part, how small it was, was better than nothing at all.

"You said you loved me Roza…You said you would never leave me." He said letting his hands move up my shoulders. "Don't abandon me now…I need you…my strong, strong Roza."

I let my eyes wander to his lips and stood on my toes to gently brush his lips with mine, they were just as soft as I remembered. "Okay…" I whispered against them.

"Sure?" He asked slowly directing his face to my neck to bite me.

"Yes…" I huffed closing my eyes tilting my head to give him full access to my neck.

As I expected the pain I was surprised to feel him kiss my neck instead.

He broke our embrace and took two steps back. "See Roza… You are strong, but not strong enough to face me." He said blankly. "Go back to St Vladimir, to Lissa, to your life." He shook his head. "You were ready to become what you hate the most just to be with a faint imitation of me Rose."

I blushed with shame.

"You are not ready…as strong as you are… you can't. Please, please let go and go home." He said hisvoice full of agony. "You think I would want you to put yourself in danger? I would have given my life to keep you safe! The world still needs you Roza."

It was the last thing I heard before jumping out of my bed and looking around with panic.

_It was just a dream…_I thought sitting on my bed removing my sweaty hair from my face.

I could see the sun rise at the horizon.

"Maybe I am not strong enough, but I have to do it!" I said out loud standing from the bed as ready as I would ever be to resume my hunting trip.

I dressed quickly tightening my hair in a low ponytail as I didn't want to attract attention to the marks of my neck.

The little tattoos that now recalled me of my once set destiny. Now I was just a young woman broken beyond repair, someone who betrayed everything she ever believed in….A disgrace to the eyes of her own kind. A girl running to face what would eventually be her own death.

I sighed throwing my duffle bag on the back seat of the car and sat behind the wheel.

I stared forward not really seeing anything. Adrian did manage to shake me I thought a bit angrily, but not enough to stop me, especially now that I knew that everybody was aware of my disgrace…Dimitri once said to me that he'd rather die than become a Strigoi and I owed him that much.

Now I knew that saving Dimitri's soul was my only chance of redemption.

The only way I could forgive myself for not forcing him to go on with Tasha!

He would be happy… or at least alive now and if my life was lost in this attempt of forgiveness well… it wasn't such a high price to pay.

Some might call me suicidal, but I'm not…. _No_! I am just resigned knowing that I would probably find Dimitri in a nest of Strigoi and I knew that I would not make it out alive…I wasn't invincible, pretty far from it! But if I could take him down with me as I fall it would be worth it. I thought so secured in my own logic to even start debating it.

I started the car, I would probably find some diner for a warm breakfast along my way to Spokane.

I didn't know why exactly I decided to go to Spokane, but after going over many hiding places around the Academy I knew deep down that Dimitri was not in Montana anymore and this little voice kept telling me to go back to Spokane to the house were Mason died. Maybe there was a way to track down the Strigoi that was a part of this nest.

Well it was my only _brilliant_ idea so far…I really hope I could get something out of it.

I was also relying on the ability I developed, the ability to _'feel' _the Strigoi close to me. A part of me was worried that this ability was directly linked to Lissa as it was probably the case too with my Friends the _'__ghosts__'_.

But I kept trying to convince myself that I still had this extra ability and that the only reason it didn't manifest itself yet was because there were no Strigoi around.

I really needed this "sense" and every other one I could put my hands on to find Dimitri because even if I was a natural as they called me back at School, and even if I refused to recognize it out loud, I was still a novice on so many levels. I also needed all the luck, or some might say misfortune, I could get to track him down.

A blue sign on the side of the road let me know that there was a diner 5 miles down the road.

At this realization my stomach woke up and started to make some complaining sounds.

"Almost there…" I groaned.

At this moment I saw something appear beside me and I quickly turned my head to look.

"Holy Shit!" I shouted pressing on the brake pedal as hard as I could. I heard the tires squeal so loudly that it sounded like a scream. The car came to a stop in the middle of the road. I quickly looked in the mirror, but I was lucky enough that it was very early and that I was on a small desert road. If that wasn't the case I would have caused one hell of a Collision.

I turned back my attention on the passenger seat and here he was, Andre Dragomir, Lissa's brother was sitting here silently staring at me.

The only problem was that he was dead and he has been dead for three years now.

"Huh!" I stupidly said out loud. "At least it shows that my ability to see ghosts is not linked to Lissa." I added even more stupidly.

He shook his head.

"Andre…Why are you here?" I asked him starting the car again to park it in a more secure spot.

I parked the car and returned to staring at him. I shook my head and let out an annoyed sigh. Geez… I forgot they were not that good with words anymore.

"Are you here for me?" I asked

He nodded

I was on the road again, only 5 minutes before the Dinner's car park.

"Are you here to help me?"

He shrugged

"Wonderful!" I said sarcastically.

"Why are you here?" I asked impatiently. "I really don't have time to play games Andre!" I added trying to contain my anger.

His eyes narrowed as, I presumed, he was trying to canalize all his energy to form some words. His eyes were full of sadness, he was a burning man…or ghost… or whatever he was. "You. Will. Die. Soon…" He said in a whisper.

This revelation had the effect of 10 buckets of icy water being dropped on me at the same time.

"How soon?" I asked not able to think anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N: **Hey guys!!

Thanks for the nice reviews so here is chapter 4. I know i know it's a pretty short chapter but it's because of the way the story is "cut" but since you are so sweet with me and all that i'll give you chapter 5 on sunday and it will be** EXTRA** long i promise!!

Don't forget to review as they make me feel so good =) and so i won't go Strigoi lmao.

**Chapter 4:**

Andre looked at me with both surprise and strong disapproval.

"Oh cut me some slack Andre!" I said aggressively and back to concentrating on the road again. I wanted to slap myself for asking such a stupid question since it clearly showed that I didn't value my own life so much.

I parked at the far end of the diner's parking lot and switched my position in order to face Andre. At least nobody will come bother me...I'll just be the crazy chick talking to herself! Oh Well…I couldn't care less.

"So...How soon?" I asked again as I was scared to be taken down before having the chance to even see Dimitri.

Andre shrugged.

"What do you mean by …" and I imitated his shrugging.

He shrugged again.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose for a minute. _Calm down Rose… Don__'__t take your frustration out on him. Don__'__t make him go away…_I thought trying to canalize my anger.

I opened my eyes again to find him still staring at me.

"Are you here to help me then?"

He nodded.

_Yes! Finally something going my way, _I thought excitedly. "Do you know where Dimitri is?" I asked straight away. There was no need or time to play games.

He shook his head negatively.

_Fuck! "_Can…can you find him?"

He shook his head again

"How come you can't? Your useless-" I stopped and clenched my teeth, "Can you at least try to find him?"

He shook his head again.

"Uh huh… ok… So I'm going to die then?" I asked smugly knowing I better drop the whole Dimitri subject for now as I would probably snap if he shook his spineless head once more.

He nodded

"Soon?"

He nodded again.

"Well it won't be a first will it?" I asked with a little humorless laugh. "Anywho… the question is will I have the time to do what I have to do before I die?" I asked sounding far more detached then I felt. But his answer didn't really matter since I would try anyways.

He shrugged, which made me even angrier. If he was physically here I would probably have snapped his Moroi neck.

"You don't know much do you?" I asked rhetorically. "You won't be really helpful. But… How come you can't track the Strigoi nest? I'm pretty sure you were around the school when the attack happened right?"

He nodded

"So?? You couldn't follow them?" I asked impatiently.

This whole questioning was really using the little patience I had left. "Did they block you?" I asked randomly making fun of him really. So I was surprised to see him nod.

"Block you? Block you how?" I asked finally curious again.

He looked pointedly at me and showed me his hands moving his fingers.

"Magic?" I asked my voice full of disbelief.

He nodded.

"Damn! How… How did they manage that?"

He shrugged.

"You know Andre I love you I really do…" I said as my voice didn't really reflect that feeling, "but why on earth did you come to me? Sorry, but you are not really useful as a "_help_"" I said with deception.

He shook his head

"What? You didn't come to help?"

He crooked his neck.

"You… I don't get it why-?" Suddenly it seemed to fall into place. "Did… Did someone send you to help?"

He nodded.

"Who? Who?" I asked wanting to know who could control ghosts.

He shook his head.

"You can't tell me?" I asked dubiously.

He shook his head negatively again.

"Well… thank you for all this useful information." I said with heavy sarcasm. "Now I know I'm going to die, but news flash! I knew that already!!" I sighed heavily "well... You can go back to whoever summoned you and tell them that you suck! As for me, I need some food and a strong coffee thank you very much." I added leaving the car without a look behind.

_Stupid freaking unreliable ghost! _I thought angrily.

As I ate I couldn't help to think about the small pieces of information I got from Andre. Someone sent him to help me… Protect me. I pressed my lips together. I didn't know anyone who could control spirits like that and… and who knew that sending Andre Dragomir was the best way to attract my attention since I knew him since I was 5? He was like a brother to me on so many levels.

Could it be Lissa? Or Adrian? I never heard of a spirit user could actually "control" ghosts…St. Vladimir couldn't. Well, based on the small amount of documents I studied.

I shook my head it just didn't make any sense.

I finally looked up to see two truckers who were trying to make eye contact, but also trying to keep their eyes on my breasts.

I shot them such a dark look that they looked down in a heartbeat.

I concentrated my attention on my plate again, but couldn't help the small smile from forming.

_I didn__'__t lose it…I__'__m still terrifying. _I thought discreetly looking at them. They were talking to each other while glancing at me from the side.

A little part of me wished they would be waiting for me in the parking lot. With my training and my natural strength I could take two human men without even getting breathless and god knew I needed a fight.

It was far easier for me to be enraged than to let the whole extent of my pain and despair surface.

I was furious at myself for leading the guardians to the caves where the Strigoi were. If I didn't, the others would have been lost forever, but my Dimitri would be safe and I hated myself for being so selfish. I hated myself for abandoning Lissa and my destiny. I hated Lissa for begging me to stay, for blaming me of abandoning her, for not understanding that I needed to go to war. I hated Andre for being the most useless ghost ever, and above all I hated Dimitri for breaking every promise he ever made to me. _'__I won__'__t let you__'__, __'__I__'__ll always be there for you__'_

"Bullshit!" I shouted out loud only realizing I did when all the eyes in the diner turned to me with a _'__maybe-she-is-crazy__'_ look that I knew only too well.

I mumbled some pathetic excuses before concentrating on my newly refilled cup of coffee.

I walked back to the parking lot slowly looking around, but disappointed to see that the two douche bags didn't follow me.

_Man… Ehhh I probably can manage a little fight in Spokane... It__'__s a big enough city_. I thought trying to cheer myself up.

As I unlocked the door I could see that Andre wasn't there anymore.

"Geez he was so helpful…" I said to myself rolling my eyes.

I quickly glanced at my watch. I would probably make it to Spokane by the end of the afternoon…. Maybe too late to start investigating, but… well worse case scenario tomorrow would be another day and well it will be soon enough to find out if I was getting closer or if I was facing another dead end…. my last lead.

I bit my bottom lip. _Yeah… _I was not in such a hurry after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N: **Hey Guys!!

See how i keep my promise huh? I'm posting tonight and i made it extra long! Thanks to the people who reviewed the last chapter it is so good in time of stress!Please don't forget to review i just love reading them and i won't turn strigoi if i'm happy right?? lol.

Okay on a more serious note my beta regretfully has to stop for some personnal reasons so well i'm looking for a new one at the time being. I maybe ( i think i did) found a new one but i'll keep you updated on that =).

Anyways here the new chapter. Enjoy it!!

**xoxo**

**Chapter 5:**

I looked at my watch as I parked in front of the shabby motel on the Eastern side of Spokane it was 5.30 pm. It was twilight too late to start investigating here tonight, but I half expected it and it was even fine with my impatient self.

_You__'__re finally growing up! _Many people that were irritated by my well known impatience would have said.

The Motel was called _Palace,_ which was rather ironically funny since it looked more like a _'__room-for-an-hour__'_place then the Radisson.

Actually I was pretty sure that this was the type of motel to actually rent rooms by the hour, but I was strong enough to stay here, plus I noticed that the shabbier the motel was, the lesser questions they asked.

I was maybe slightly… well ok, more than slightly paranoid, but I knew how easy it was for anyone with the funds and half a brain to find you wherever you were. And even if they let me go without much turmoil I was pretty sure that once someone realized that I would probably not make it back they would start searching for me…if that wasn't the case already.

So even if I could afford a lot better than that, they usually refused a teenager more than reluctant to show her ID, paying in cash with what they called, and I quote, 'a funny look on her face.'

So, I was settling for those 3rd categories places where it was the money that did all the talking. Just put 50 dollars on the counter and you'll have the key faster then it would take you to spell _Animalistic_.

Anyways, I didn't care much about the appearance of the places where I was spending my nights, I was clearly strong enough to defend myself and as long as I had a dry place, more or less a comfortable bed, clean towels and a shower, I couldn't ask for more.

As soon as I settled in the room, which was probably situated between one of a crack whore and a small drug dealer, I quickly closed the curtains, and eagerly went to the bathroom.

I took a shower, put my old sweat pants and a black tee shirt on and hand washed my clothes before sitting in the middle of bed with the sandwich, coke and novel I bought in a little shop just before exiting the highway.

I crossed my legs and looked at the ceiling for a while preparing my plan for the morning.

The shopping plaza was about 3 miles from the motel where I was staying. I would just jog there since I needed some relaxing exercise and I was very VERY good at running thanks to-

_No! _I refused to think his name…not tonight. It took to much energy to fight my feelings so I'd rather block them out for as long as I could even if it was clearly way easier to say than to do I thought concentrating my attention on the novel in front of me.

It was '_The Virginian' _by Owen Wister. I noticed a copy of this book in his room, a very much-abused copy of it. It was easy to see that he read it so many times, but I could never ask him why and now…now it was too late, much too late.

I sighed. _Am I masochistic? I never thought myself as being one, but I guess I am to some extend or at least I became one_.

I was doing very well since I left the Academy not thinking about anything that could hurt me, but I was slipping from time to time. Sometimes I slipped big such was the case right now.

After finishing my sandwich, I laid down on the bed and gently brushed the cover of the book with my finger tips.

As I walked in the little shop buying the sandwich, the coke, some bottles of water, toothpaste and toiletry stuff I had let my eyes wander as I was paying for my gas. That's when I saw a stand with books and '_The Virginian' _was the first one that caught my eye, like it has been standing there just for me.

I always regretted not taking more things from him, more small parts of him and I thought, probably foolishly, that this book was a sign, so I bought it and never mind the painful consequence for the little peace of mind I had left.

I settled under the covers having already arranged my sleeping pill and bottle of water on the night stand and opened the book.

I had maybe read about four pages when my mind started to wander through a path I couldn't block well enough.

_We were training in the gym like usual, it was just before Christmas and Dimitri was cheerier then usual. Probably due to the fact that his friend Tasha, Christians__'__ aunt, was here for the holidays._

_After having my ass kicked for the tenth time I decided we needed a break._

"_Hey John Wayne! Can you let me breathe for a minute?" I asked him __in a false pleading tone. He looked at me for a second and chuckled. _

"_Of course Rose, I__'__m the good cowboy." He said playing along._

_He gave me his hand to help me stand up. This touch made me shiver, but boy I loved his touch… It was like a drug to me._

"_But why do you like Westerns so much __huh?" I asked trying to hide my trouble with the first question that came to mind._

_He smiled and shrugged slightly, "I don__'__t know Rose…" He settled in a chair and unfastened his ponytail._

'_Damn I would love to run my hands through that hair!__'__ I thought. __'__Stop it Rose!!__'__ I added to myself trying to slap some sense into myself._

_He was serious again, thinking… probably trying to explain what attracted him that much to this genre._

_I was about to settle for another light subject when he talked again, keeping his eyes on his hands._

"_Maybe…maybe it__'__s because it__'__s pretty often in a world of black and white you know." He said so seriously that it stopped me from making one of my famous smart-ass comments._

_I just looked at him without a word._

_He finally looked up locking eyes with me. "There is a right and wrong…No shade of gray." He added uncomfortably as he was opening a bit more to me, another little piece of the Dimitri Belikov mystery. "You know who the bad guys are and who the good ones are …the enemies and the protectors." He ran his hand in his hair. "There is no deception in this world, only honor." He added standing up, stretching._

_I just nodded understanding what he meant. Victor Dashkov was supposed to be a protector and he was actually the enemy… this world, our world was so full of pretenders and lies. _

"_Never Forget Roza…Things are not always what they seem to be in our reality." He said with so much concern in __his__ voice that my chest filled up with the unconditional love I felt for him. _

I was back to reality still looking at the fourth page as his voice was still rang in my head '_Never Forget Roza…things are not always what they seem to be in our reality.__'_

I shook my head, closed the book and took the sleeping pill off the nightstand and into my hand.

"Thank you…you really are my safety harbor" I said to the tablet before swallowing it and feeling myself drifting into a dreamless sleep.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up and it was barely 7 am. Well… it would give me plenty of time to get ready. I decided to wear my oversized green sweatshirt, as it would be less conspicuous to hide a silver stake under it, on my belt.

I wouldn't probably stake any Strigoi today, but it was better to be prepared. I wasn't ready the first time I was here and it cost Mason's life.

_That won__'__t happen again! _I said to myself deciding to keep my hair down, but putting a large rubber band around my wrist.

I left the room in the misty shadowy morning light and ran across the road to the little diner.

I wanted some greasy, fattening food because I didn't really need to worry about cholesterol did I? Plus I was pretty sure that my next 3-mile run would burn those calories off.

After eating slowly and feelings the eyes of the weirdoes on me I decided it was time to go.

If the center was still closed well I would wander around it, study the perimeter, as the FBI would say.

I was about two miles away when it started to rain heavily, which didn't really upset me. I was in Washington State… What else could I have expected huh?

When I arrived at the shopping center I looked like a wet dog and probably even more homeless than I usually did.

The doors were open even if most of the shops were still actually closed... _Ehhh that will do for now, it__'__s not like I came here to shop anyways_.

As I walked in, I tightened my dripping hair in a high bun, under the scrutinizing eyes of the security guards.

I was actually showing my neck, the marks of my disgrace in purpose. The normal people wouldn't think anything of them; some would even find them _'__fashionable__'_, the lightning forming Xs and the star below them.

I actually hoped that someone would recognize the marks because it would mean that this person was more or less involved in our world and I needed to have a word with them… maybe even two.

I was walking around looking at shops without really seeing them when I felt an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was not the '_Strigoi feeling__'_so I turned around to see what triggered it and I faced the coffee shop and the exact table where Mia, Eddy and… And Mason was sitting before our lives changed forever. I could even see them sitting and smiling at me. Here I knew what I was feeling…a mix of nostalgia, guilt and pain.

I looked away and walked faster. I finally stopped in front of a little kiosk where an Asian man was setting Swords or more exactly Katanas, which were Samurais Swords…Deadly in their times.

My eyes got caught on a beautiful completely black one.

"Do you see something you like?" Asked the man with a heavy accent, but a warm enough smile.

"I…" I walked up to him and pointed to the black Katana. "How much is it?" I asked like a child in a candy store.

"Ah I can see that you've got great taste for a young lady." He said sincerely. "This is one of the most beautiful Katana I've got. The blade is in steel…almost unbreakable. As for the dragon forged on the case and the full handle are in Silver."

_Silver? _I thought that was the magic word.

"Plus, once sharpen, the blade is unbelievable! Let me show you," he added excitedly. You could see he really loved his job. He removed the Sword from its protective case and turned it, cutting edge up. He then took a small piece of fabric and just lightly threw it on top of the blade, which cut the piece in two.

_WOW!! _I thought my mouth hanging. I could totally picture how much easier it would be to cut Strigoi heads with it. Plus with the large string used to wear the Sword across my back, my moves won't be impaired.

Well It's true that I won't be able to walk like that on the Streets because let's face it…only _Blade _could pull _THAT_ off.

"It's beautiful…" I said trying to sound calm. "How much do you want for it?" I asked again.

"Well this one, being in silver and steel and all that… it's $600," he said probably expecting me to walk away.

I looked at him seriously for a couple of second "I'll take it" I said smugly looking for my money in my big sweater pocket.

He bent down and took a different one.

"Eh wait!" I said pointing at the one on the stand. "It's this one I want." I added more aggressively than I intended.

"It's the same." He said taken aback by my tone. "I just can't sell a sharpen one without seeing your license and… And I don't think you have one. "

"I…" I was getting more disappointed by the second as I could already see myself beheading strigoi. But there was no way that anyone would sharpen it as well as that for me. This disappointment got out as anger. "You don't understand do you? I _NEED _this one!" I said pointing. "I'll give you $1000 for it!"

My reaction scared him and I could see he was closing himself off to any kind of negotiation now.

He simply shook his head no.

_Smart move you idiot. You scared him now! He didn__'__t need to know you were mental_! I thought turning around, but staying were I was. I could try the crying maybe it could work, but the problem was that I wasn't sure I could stop once I started.

I turned to him again, decided to try begging once more, but he was staring at me with both surprised and questioning eyes.

After maybe a minute he smiled again, took the shaper swords and handed it to me.

"How…Why did you change your mind?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I didn't know you were a warrior too," he said pointing at my neck.

I just stared at him speechless.

He bent down. "You know… not every samurais were humans," he said. "And as long as the war will continue I'll help the _honorable." _He added mysteriously.

I nodded not wanting to get into too many details, as I was sure he didn't know much it was probably just legends he heard.

He refused the money I handed to him as he told me it would be a disgrace for him and I didn't mention that he was facing the disgrace in all its beauty.

After a little stop to the big Chapters books store, I walked into a sort of Decoration store shop for bridal lists and stuff.

I got to the counter.

"Hey, Do you engrave stuff?" I asked as gently as I could.

"Yeah we do," said the sales man showing me a little note saying _'__we engrave everything in 3 hours__'__._

"Uh huh…" I said as it took all my willpower not to slap his smart-ass smile off his face. "Then could you engrave the silver handle of that sword please?"

He was surprised by the item but nodded. "What would you like written on it?" He asked becoming professional again after the shock wore off.

I gave him a piece of paper where it was written _"_Дмитрий, мое сердце и душа. Пусть наши Погашение можно получить через этот клинок._.»_

Which meant in English: '_Dimitri, my heart and Soul. May our Redemption be gained through this blade_.'

I know it was childish to want it to be engraved in Russian, but it seemed to bring me closer to him, like the message was just for him.

"I... Really?" He asked surprised.

"Yeah really." I said now with a smart -ass smile. "Here…" I said putting a $100 on the counter "and you know what… If it's done perfectly, with all the skill you've got…I'll give you 2 more," I added seriously knowing it was 3 times the price. And that if they had the Cyrillic alphabet for the engraving machine it would be a piece of cake to do.

"Of course…" He said very _VERY_ professionally. _Money was really the international language and some people still think it was English _I thought bitterly.

As I had three hours in front of me, I decided to inspect the whole place as the others did before me and maybe someone of consequence would also notice my tattoos and try to get their way with me to be on the Strigoi good side.

_Fucking humans! Such a disgrace to their own race!! Associating with monsters, Evils who are ready to take your life without flinching! _I thought with anger while breaking into the janitor's storage room. It was from there that the others managed to visit the tunnels. They said they were no Strigoi there, but maybe they missed something. Maybe my sixth sense would help.

Well it didn't…. It was 2 hours later when I made my way out of the sour system at the back of the plaza.

_It__'__s true what they say. Time does pass faster when you have fun _I thought with sarcasm.

I walked slowly around the building to the main entrance again. I smelled my clothes. Well... the odor was faint since my nose was still full of the terrible smell.

I quickly stopped to buy some random perfume and sprayed it over my clothes, to cover the smell.

I went to pick up the sword and it was perfect! I stopped to have a little something to eat before walking slowly back from the mall to the house I've been held at in , what seems to be, a lifetime ago.

I felt some eyes on me, two or three times as I wandered in the Mall, but they were too discrete, I didn't manage to see who it was, but... But it was like I was being followed.

_You__'__re so paranoid! _I thought sitting down to eat, but if it was true, maybe I'll get abducted along the way and this time will be so different since I had more experience, I was ready and I had nobody to protect along the way.

I chuckled to myself. _Boy I had to be totally damaged to pray to be kidnapped!!_

As I let my eyes roam once more I saw a small group of girls about my age giggling in front of a shop where there was a huge poster of some new Hollywood hottie.

I envied their innocence. I was pretty sure they were full of dreams and hopes, but…I was pretty sure I didn't want to forget what I've been through because it would mean that I'll have to forget Dimitri and nothing was worth that, not even making peace with myself.

As I left the place, I maybe took ten steps out, when I stood frozen on the pavement… Andre was facing me.

I felt a rush of adrenaline run through my veins. IF he was there…it was for something right?

"Andre did you find him?" I asked not bothering with politeness. I didn't think that dead people were in such need to social politeness.

He shook his head

I walked closer and whispered, as there was no need for people to call the asylum.

"But you found something didn't you?" I asked expectantly.

He nodded.

I smiled my brightest smile. A smile I hadn't used for so long now.

"Strigoi?" I asked my voice shivering with excitement.

He nodded again.

"Where?"

He mouthed _'__south__'_

"South…South of town?" I asked frowning. That was unexpected; it was the nice residential area.

He nodded.

"Sure?"

He nodded again.

Well he certainly knew better than I did.

"Ok I will meet you back at the motel!" I said starting to run. I needed to get my car and take a quick shower and then I will then be ready to face strigoi and with a bit, well with a lot of luck, I'll get to know where my Dimitri was.


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N :** So here is the chapter 6. Thanks to my reviewers!! it means so much to me i mean when i don't feel like writing knowing that you guys are waiting and appreciating this story well... it's boosting me. You are so nice with me. Anyways you can also check the promo i made on youtube for this story you should check it out... it give some small spoilers away *wink* ( the link is on my profile).

Well you guys rock!!!!

Please review this chapter as reviews help the writer continue isn't it?

Xoxo, Steffy

**Chapter 6_:_**

I showered and changed in a rush too happy to have this little lead. A lead that will put me on the right track, give me that hope, that goal I desperately needed.

Andre was waiting for me in my room and that was just a creepy thought to know that ghosts could be spying on you during your most personal and intimate moments.

I shook my head. I didn't have the time or the desire to even go there.

As I turned to leave the room I looked back at Andre.

"Are you coming or not?" It was a stupid question I realized too late since he didn't really need me to give him a lift.

He shook is head.

"No? How come you aren't?" I asked both surprised and irritated. Even if he couldn't protect me, I felt like he was abandoning me. "How am I supposed to find out where they are staying?"

He shrugged.

"Oh come on… Not the shrugging again." I whined rolling my eyes. "What does that even mean? Their in the southern area of town?"

He nodded.

"And what?" I thought for a second. "Oh I got it!" I said widening my eyes with comprehension. "You don't know where exactly! Is that it??"

He nodded.

"It's ok," I said nicely. "You already helped … pointing me in the right direction." I told him giving him a sad smile. "Thank you."

He nodded with some guilt in his expression.

"I'll be back I promise," I said walking out of the room. At least this time I added to myself.

I hid the sword under a blanket on the floor of the car. I wouldn't need it while walking a perimeter of the nice area of town.

First, a young girl with a sword would probably alert the 'goody two shoes'living in this area and I couldn't loose the precious hours left of daylight in answering the police's questions.

Secondly I was just inspecting the area, walking around close enough to the houses to _'feel'_ the one with the strigoi.

I would not attack today, not without a plan of action; it would be a pointless suicide. I said I was not suicidal and it's true. Even if I didn't think I would, or wanted to outlive Dimitri for long, I also didn't want to be taken down like that by a random strigoi it wouldn't be worth anything.

_No,_ I was smarter than that… I'll organize and think before acting, at least for now.

Once I found the house, I would go back to the motel and attack tomorrow in the morning when the sun was high.

I parked the car in the middle of the area, it was the best place to park in order to circle the perimeter and I swore to myself that Strigoi or not I would come back to my car as soon as the sun would start to set, which will be, I looked at my watch, about 4 hours from now.

_Plenty of time._ I thought locking the car and checking that my hidden stake was still attached to my belt._ Let's go girl._

When I got back to the car, the sun was setting in the horizon and I couldn't have been more disappointed and upset than I was.

I went up and down each street of a 3-mile radius and didn't feel anything, not even a twitch! I walked all the residential area I was sure of and nothing in those houses brought a feeling to the surface. There was nothing even remotely suspicious on the outside either, nothing!!

Well I thought it was odd to have strigoi in an area like this, as it was really contrary to everything I've been taught about their behavior, but the large nest I witnessed was unusual too.

_Could a ghost make a mistake? Is it possible they left in between the time he found out the information and shared it with me?_ I wondered driving away.

I made it back to the Motel about two hours after sunset. I drove around to clear my mind for a while, trying to figure out what my next move should be, but as hard as I thought my mind was blank. I _DIDN'T_ know what to do next and that was scarier than I thought it would be.

I stopped near a little 24/7 shop and managed to convince someone to buy me a bottle of vodka.

I wanted to get drunk tonight, really REALLY drunk as well, for the first time since Dimitri's death, I didn't know what to expect in the morning. What to wake up for?

As I stepped out of the car I saw two men sitting on a bench near my bedroom door. I didn't feel like arguing tonight I thought hopefully that they would leave me alone.

The first one was wearing some clothes directly stolen from the 70's with so much bling on him that even having the word _"pimp"_ tattooed on his forehead would have been less obvious.

The second one was a skinny wreck of what used to be a human being a long time ago and, by the smell of it, he was completely drunk! So drunk that it would have put Adrian to shame, which was not an easy thing to do.

_Welcome to the club comrade_ I thought tightening my grip around the bag containing my bottle.

"I tell you man…I saw it as I'm seeing you." Said the drunk to the pimp.

"Of course you did Rob…how many drinks did you have when you saw it?" Asked the other one probably waiting for one of his 'girls' as he kept glancing at the door just beside mine.

"It doesn't matter I- Hey Doll!" He said changing course when he saw me pass in front of them.

"Hello" I mumbled reaching for my door.

"There are some weird things happening around here," he said. "I… I can lend you my body for protection if you need." He added as his alcoholic breath made me nauseous.

I was about to retort that I could break him just by puffing, but I didn't feel like fighting… Not tonight anyways.

"I'll keep that in mind," I said not even looking at him and opening my door.

"He saw a vampire!" Said the pimp laughing beside him in an attempt to make fun of Rob.

At that word I froze and slowly turned around to face them.

"Yep… Exactly… a vampire," repeated the Pimp somewhat proud to have caught my attention.

"Oh you can laugh Peter!! But… I may be drunk, but I know what I saw!" Added Rob trying to stand as straight as he could with the probably unbelievable level of alcohol in his system.

"Please tell the young lady what you saw," said Peter with an alluring tone while checking me out in a ghastly manner probably imagining all the disgusting things he could do to me.

But I was too interested in Rob's story to even care.

"I was like maybe two streets down," he said pointing to his right side. "And… I...I was getting out of a bar when, out of nowhere, a blond dude was in front of me, holding someone by the neck!" He said pretty sure of himself.

I nodded.

"Yeah and…" He seemed eager enough to share that with me. "He had some weird red eyes, pale skin, long hair…he was young too." He said pointing at me. "About your age or so…" he added before looking at Peter through narrow eyes. "And I didn't say it was a vampire I said it was a freak who was pretending to be a vampire or so!! He had fangs too though."

He continued to talk, but I didn't hear the rest, this description... I only knew it too well. It was the vampire who got away at the academy, the one who pretended to know me, the one who wanted to hurt Lissa…. The last Dragomir!

And the direction he pointed… I quickly thought it was near the house, the one where I've been held hostage!

"Andre…. He betrayed me!" I said out loud not even bothering looking at the two men.

As I walked in, I saw Andre standing there, and without thinking, I closed the door and threw the bottle at him with all the force I had, but of course the bottle when through him and exploded against the wall.

"You fucking liar!!" I shouted. "You sent me on a wild goose chase when you knew I was right! You knew there were still some strigoi at the house, but you lied to me!!"

Andre stared at me for a minute not even bothering to deny it he nodded in confirmation.

"You said you were here to help!! And you drove me away from my goal!! Is that help?" I asked rhetorically sinking into a chair looking at him with so much disappointment.

He nodded.

"Oh yeah?" I said sarcastically. "And what sort of freaking aid was that huh?? You were like a brother to me! One of the few people I trusted dead or alive!! And you betrayed me!!"

He just kept staring.

"What the hell!! Just say something!! Do something!! You lied! You didn't help… What kind of help was that?" I asked really wishing I could hurt him.

I saw his eyes narrow like he did when he wanted to say something.

"Help you…To stay alive…" He said in a hush tone.

"I don't want to stay alive!" I shouted as his eyes widened. "Not in these conditions I mean," I said backtracking.

_Sorry_ he mouthed.

"Like hell you are! Are you sorry for betraying me or for getting caught?" I asked not even waiting for some kind of answer. "Whatever!! You can burn in hell now for all I care. I don't give a shit!" I added seriously. "You can go back to whoever sent you and tell him or her that I know everything and that once I'm done I'll track him down and he or she will be sorry for having done that!"

I decided to go and pay a little 'visit'to Lissa through our bound. I never tried to get in her head from that far away, but it was required to work. If I did, it would hurt me because I would feel the full force of my betrayal, but I thought that if it was someone from school who sent Andre she was obligated to know about it. Sending him was smart…I would never have doubted him.

"I want you to go now." I said staring at him, but he didn't move.

"You really need to go now, I can't bare seeing you in front of me." I said not even shouting anymore. His eyes were sad. "Just the sight of you makes me nauseous."

I managed to hurt him; I guess ghosts do have feelings after all. He vanished into thin air.

I settle on the bed, my back against the wall as I concentrated on getting into Lissa' mind.

It took me a bit longer and a lot more energy than before since I was somehow out of practice already.

When I opened my eyes I could see a pair of icy blue eyes staring back at me. Christian… Christian was staring at me with concern, worry and love...Undying love except that he wasn't staring at me, but at Lissa. I finally made it into her head!

"Ok studying time over." Said Christian taking her hand and kissing it. "How are you doing?" He asked with interest keeping her hand tight in his.

I was so glad she had him. He was really good to her… soothing, exactly who she needed to be with. I thought with some kind of appeasement.

She gave him a small smile while feeling so many contradictory feelings.

She was happy to be loved by the man she loved and that they were both well and alive. But that made her feel guilty since she knew I lost the man I loved and she also felt sad to have lost me and scared as hell that she wouldn't see me again.

I felt bad she felt all that, I was the bad one in that story. The one causing her pain, which was kind of ironic, since I had spent the last 10 years trying to protect her, spare her any kind of pain.

"I'm okay," she said "it's just …Rose." She added. As she spoke my name she felt a sharp pain in her chest.

"I…" Christian cleared his throat. "I miss her too you know," He said uncomfortably.

Both Lissa and I felt a same amount of surprise.

"You. Miss. Her?" asked Lissa.

"Well yeah I do," he shrugged. "She's kind of badass and all that, but let me tell you… I'll deny it all when she comes back!" He added trying to bring some hope into her.

I'll have to thank him if I ever got to see him again.

"I don't know… You know I heard her mother speak and she said that," Started Lissa the voice shivering.

Christian stopped her gently brushing her cheek.

"Don't listen to her!" He said having a hard time hiding the anger he probably felt toward my mother. "Whatever she said…She's wrong." He added locking his eyes on Lissa to show her how much he meant it.

_What did she say damn it!_ I thought getting more frustrated by the minute.

"Let's face it," he added seriously "it's a woman who's seen her daughter twice in the last 5 years. She doesn't know how strong Rose is. She…" He sat beside Lissa on the bed and put his forehead against hers. "She is brave and strong. It won't be easy, but she can face it and I honestly believe that she will make it back." He added.

Well the last part was not entirely true, I could see it in his eyes, but Lissa wanted to believe him so much that she ignored that or maybe she was not as good as me to notice this kind of thing since I was a master at hiding what I really felt.

"Yeah… you're right!" She said feeling a bit better. "I know Rose better than anyone else and she is capable of amazing things… she'll come back, she won't abandon me." She added, which was like a shot straight to the heart.

Lissa looked up at the clock and Christian sighed.

"He'll be over soon?" He asked suddenly sullen

"Aww don't be like that," said Lissa brushing her lips on his. "You know it's not like that between us and whatever the Queen said he doesn't want me and I don't want him." She smiled. "I found my prince and I don't intend to let him go," she added with a wink.

This comment lit a light in Christian's eyes. "I love you so much," he said his voice full of emotion.

At this instant I felt like a peeping Joe and I was about to go and give them some privacy when someone knocked at her door.

"And you know the more we work together the more it'll help Rose." She said standing up to open to Adrian.

"I know… I really do." He said nicely standing up too.

_Help me? Help me how??_ I thought but they didn't mention any ghosts.

"Well… I'll go back to my room," he said reluctantly. He kissed Lissa forehead and gave a sharp nod to Adrian. At least I was bound to give him a cookie point for trying.

As soon as Christian left Lissa turned to Adrian

"So did you find something new?" She asked eagerly.

He shook his head sadly settling in the little armchair by her bed. "No, but I did order some books from the Court library… it will probably help us a bit more." He smiled "being a prince does have its privileges sometimes," he added smugly.

I could see from his blood shot eyes that he was drunk, but Lissa didn't really express that much concern so it was probably an almost permanent state now.

"Ok Cousin…." He said all business like. "Let see if you can do better today… Read me!" He added extending his hand.

Lissa smiled a bit and sat on the bed. She took his hand in both of hers.

"Try to get into my head…" He said in a deep voice. "It's harder with me than with other people, but if you can get in without using too much energy, you'll be able to do it with anyone and it will be a great help to know if people are lying or not. "

Lissa nodded and squeezed his hand a little bit harder.

_Lissa…My Lissa could be telepathic!_ I thought impressed. Well it did make sense… as a spirit user she could influence the mind like when she made Jesse see the spiders.

I was so concentrated on her now that the room could have been set into fire and I wouldn't have noticed it.

As Lissa closed her eyes and concentrated on Adrian I felt so many flickers of feelings hitting me at the second that it was impossible for me to understand any of it, but I was pretty sure that Lissa could.

And boy… I didn't get disappointed.

Lissa opened wide eyes and let Adrian's hand dropped., she was just shocked, shocked beyond words, but also infinitely sad for him.

"You did it?" He asked nicely

She kept staring at him.

"Liss…. Are you alright?" He asked starting to worry.

"The rumors were true… at least on your part…." She said in a whisper.

"What?" Asked Adrian confused, but I could see in his eyes that he was dreading her discovery.

"It's not only a crush you… you love her! You are madly in love with her!!" She said still sounding uncertain, as her own words seemed unbelievable. "Letting her go, helping her to go was for you the greatest of all sacrifices." She added with teary eyes.

"Well … It's… Well you can read my mind that's good…" he stood up "I think that's enough for tonight. You… you need… to rest now," he added in such a hurry to leave that he didn't even sound coherent anymore.

Lissa didn't move and continued as if he didn't interrupt her. "You were and still are ready to give up everything just to be with her. The name, the rank, the money… Everything! You don't just want to date her...You… You want to built your life with her!!" She added looking up at him. "I can't believe it… so much love… all the sacrifices."

He walked to the door without a word before turning around. "It doesn't matter anyway does it?" He asked rhetorically looking totally vulnerable for the first time since I met him. "She's ready to sacrifice everything too, even her own life, but for someone else. It's just totally unrequited. She just likes me enough to hurt me and hurt herself for not being able to give me more."

Lissa bit her lip not knowing what to say to him.

"This stays between you and me all right?" He added in a begging tone leaving before even hearing her answer.

I got out of Lissa's head at this instant as I had trouble breathing.

It was probably just incomprehension. She still was a novice at reading minds and he was too drunk…

_Misinterpretations happen all the time!_ I thought in a lousy attempt to convince myself.

I couldn't allow myself to care about someone anymore…. I was closing the door on every feeling I ever had and could have.

I could not keep breathing otherwise.

I crawled into bed, took a sleeping pill and thought about my visit to the house tomorrow. About how Christian was there for Lissa and everything it took to forget the chat between Lissa and Adrian.

That was not something I needed or even wanted to know.


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N: **Hey guys!!

Firstly i would like to thank all of you who reviewed last chapter!! You are the one making me going, plus you are really often make me smile which totally give you cookies points! Big kudos to you

This is the last chapter that my friend Kelly did Beta for. Thank you girly and i totally understand why you had to stop for a while even if i'm going to miss you.

Well guys don't forget to check out the promo i made for this story on youtube (link on my profile) and i repeat again if you have any questions or suggestion don't hesitate to email me (you can find the link on my profile too as the PM got a big problem for and i don't receive them on fanfiction.) i won't bite since i didn't go Stigoi just yet lol.

Well i hope you'll enjoy this chapter!! R &R

Hugsies xoxo

**Chapter 7:**

_I_ was in front of the little house standing on the pavement my eyes fixed on the door. I could feel a faint twitch of discomfort, but it wasn't the usual _'guilt'_one, no it was the _"holy-shit-strigoi-ahead" _one.

I sighed with relief, as I knew that I still "had it." I could still '_feel__'_ the strigoi, but this feeling of relief only stayed long enough for me to acknowledge it as this feeling was way too faint for the Strigoi to still be around.

_Damn … If Andre wasn__'__t dead already I would kill him and his…his puppet master too. _I thought as I took one step down the path leading to the house.

I stopped again as my heart started pounding harder and harder in my chest.

I wasn't sure I could open the door and see the place were Mason's body was lying, the place where his life had been taken because he came back to help me.

_I am bad luck…No worse than that! I am a curse! _I thought sadly. Bringing terrible things on the people who truly cared for me! Mason? Dead. Dimitri? Worse than dead. Lissa? Attacked, almost killed etc… Adrian? Well the day was still young!

Somebody needed to warn him something like, _"Don'__t care too much about Rose or you__'__ll die young, probably of a painful and violent death…Maybe you should see the movie The Ring you know Rose could play the __'__tape__'"_ I added to myself giggling to this dark comparison.

_Okay now you truly lost it! _I added taking another stiff step forward.

But Adrian was clearly a masochist, already addicted to so many things that could cause his death he probably wouldn't even care…._ Idiot!! _

I couldn't go any further… Maybe they were right! Maybe I wasn't strong enough, if I was already too weak to revisit the place where Mason died!

_Don__'__t be weak! Dimitri deserves better than that! _I thought trying to bring some courage into me.

I looked around to see if anyone saw my …well…odd behavior there were no other words to describe it.

A woman in her 60's looked at me from her porch about two houses down and caught my attention for two reasons.

First, she was eyeing me with both curiosity and wonder, like she was dying to ask me something.

Secondly there was someone…or something I knew only too well that was standing beside her…Andre!

I shook my head and concentrated my attention back to the door.

_Freaking ghost puppet!! _I thought as the anger dissolved all the apprehension I had.

I was about to walk down the path, but Andre appeared standing in front of the door pointing to the woman with a fierce look in his eyes.

"Yeah! Right I'm sooo going to listen to you…" I whispered, which took a lot out of what I wanted to sound, both sarcastic and threatening. "I'm not that stupid!"

He shook his head and pointed at the woman again.

"Are you a slow ghost?" I asked "what part of _"get the hell out of here I won'__t listen to a word from your fucking ghostly mouth" _don't you understand huh? You screwed me and not in the good way I may add!" I said trying to sound all grown up and sure of myself, but I was pretty sure that I sounded more pathetic than anything else.

He nodded with such an apologetic look on his face that I was taken aback for a second.

"What? You're not working for…_your master _anymore?" I asked with a smug smile.

He shook his head.

"Let me guess… You changed your mind? You want to make amends and decided to really help me now right?" I asked doing my best not to laugh as it would probably alert my _'__audience__'_on my unstable mental health.

He nodded fiercely and pointed to the woman once more while mouthing _'__please question__'_

"She knows stuff?" I couldn't help but ask and I immediately wanted to slap myself for taking the bait.

I looked at him through narrow eyes for a second. I didn't have much to lose anymore. Asking the woman questions would probably take me no more than 5 minutes and well…. at least I would have a clear conscience!

But how could I approach this woman? I couldn't go all_ "Hello I__'__m like a bad vampire slayer, a bit like Buffy or Blade you know, but not that cool since my vampires are not as sexy and well I__'__m more damaged than she or he will ever be, but have you seen one or two bad vampires here??"_

_Yeah… I__'__m sure she__'__ll be receptive to that! _I thought. Well I needed to figure something fast.

I concentrated my attention on Andre again

"Ok… I hope you are right…I'll ask her!" I added in a threatening huff, well… if a huff could be threatening.

He looked relieved and charged me. As he passed through me I felt like an electrical signal being sent to my brain and the face of a young man I've never seen before somehow appeared in my brain.

_Wow! Ghost__'__s can send image messages too! That__'__s soooo cool! Ghostly picture messaging. _I thought forgetting about my anger for a minute, as I was too impressed.

Ok so the guy had dark hair like mine and he was tan too (so odd for Washington but whatever) he had gray eyes and a scar going from the right corner of his right eye to the corner of his mouth.

I looked around pretending to be in total despair, which was actually easy to do as a plan was forming into my head.

We didn't really look alike, but I'm pretty sure that I could make the idea of him being my older brother pretty believable.

I sighed heavily talking to myself just loud enough to be sure she could hear as well…If she hadn't any hearing impairments.

"Oh where are you?" I asked my voice shivering with emotion as I actually pictured Dimitri saying those words. "Oh Ross…Momma needs you." I added shaking my head sadly. I had been watching a rerun of _FRIENDS_ on TV this morning at the coffee shop I took my breakfast at, and it was the first name that came to mind.

And here it was, she took the bait too.

She came down to me.

"Are you looking for something?" She asked with compassion.

I realized at this instant that I had tears in my eyes. _Damn… think Dimitri and the tears will come! _I thought, but for the first time I was glad to have this weakness.

"It's…It's my older brother Ross." I said looking at the woman with all the weariness I truly felt.

"He disappeared from home near Missoula a couple of months ago and my mother… my mother is very sick," I added the words strangled by the tears in my voice. "And I need to find him before… before it's too late."

The woman put a hand on my shoulder and she looked really sad for me. It made me feel guilty to play with her like that, but I had no choice.

"And… And after investigating a bit I've learned that he has been in Spokane really recently, in this neighborhood and…" I looked at the house pointing. "And someone is pretty sure they saw him getting out of this house this week, but I don't know…" I shrugged. "This house seems empty to me." _Unfortunately_ I added to myself.

"I don't know sweetie… Do you want to come in and tell me a bit more about your brother? Maybe…" she looked at the house and winced.

_Yeah she saw something all right! _I thought with hope

"Maybe I can help." She added with a smile that I could see intended to make me feel better.

Once I sat at her kitchen table she prepared me a hot chocolate_. Could this woman be nicer? _I thought with a little smile. Seeing her kindness made me believe a bit more that humanity still stood a chance at redemption somehow.

She sat across from me with a cup too. "You know…" She said slowly "there is some people doing some bad stuff in that house and well…if your brother was there it's not a good thing."

"Yeah?" I asked interested.

"I don't know exactly what's going on in there, but…." She grimaced "the people going in there are defiantly weird," she added somehow uncomfortable.

The way her face was set clearly showed that she had seen the strigoi because I knew that look only too well. It was the face of a human who were trying their best to explain the inexplicable and knowing that believing would make them both insane and paranoid for the rest of their lives.

"What does your brother look like?" She asked with an encouraging tone probably trying to forget the image in her head.

I gave the description of Andre's _'__vision__'__. _

She nodded in recognition, but looked at me with wary eyes as if I, firstly, wouldn't like what she was about to tell me, and secondly, as if this information would be dangerous for me… And I wasn't disappointed.

"You know maybe you shouldn't look for him by yourself." She said worried. "They are not the kind of _people_ that should be approached by a young girl." She added, but the way she said the world _'__people__'_made me understand that she knew they weren't _human_ per say.

"Oh I don't intend to put myself in danger," I said as sincerely as I could. "My mother is relying on me too much to take stupid risks."

She seemed to be pleased enough with my answer to continue speaking. "Well I'm sorry sweetie, but I don't think your brother is in town anymore. Last night, I was letting fluffy out," she said pointing at the cat fast asleep near the fire place. "When I saw your brother in the driver's seat of a black luxury car…probably a Lexus I think, and a blond …young…pale _man,_" she said wincing "slid in the passenger's seat and they left pretty fast."

Based on her reaction, I knew too well who the blond young _man_ was.

"The license plate of the car was from Oregon." She added trying to remember more. "But I'm sorry I just didn't really look at the matriculation itself."

_Oregon? OREGON?? _I thought _what the fuck!! _I just nodded not knowing what to say. Oregon was so big I couldn't investigate a whole State like that. I was doomed! Unless I could find something more.

"Maybe…Maybe you've seen my brother with someone else who is still around…. Someone who will know a big more," I asked with a begging and desperate tone, which wasn't so hard as it was exactly as I felt.

She looked at me with suspicious eyes as if she didn't know if she should speak and put my life in danger.

I quickly looked behind her where Andre was standing. He nodded once and pointed at her.

She knew more that was certain.

"Please Mrs.… Please you have to help me I'll… I'll be extra careful I promise," I said with tears in the eyes. _Well as careful as a revengeful damaged dhampire can be_ I added to myself.

She sighed showing she was giving in. "Well… Please be careful okay…. I… You seem to be such a nice girl I don't want you to get into any kind of trouble or I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life."

I nodded using the full force of my innocent eyes on her. I knew what it was to live with lots of guilt and I didn't wish that on anyone.

"Okay…" She said seeming to believe me enough. "Well I did see your brother three or four times with a boy of this neighborhood, his name is CJ." She shook her head, "but I can tell you the kid is bad news, always was always will be. If you want to find him he is almost always at a bar called _The Snake_…. Not a place for a young girl well… not a place for anyone with half a brain really, but…" She shrugged. "If someone knows something it's him even if I don't think he'll say anything."

_Oh he will talk to me…._ I thought imagining the tortures I could cause him. "I won't force anything," I said calmly.

She described him to me, maybe 5'9, bulky, Reddish hair and Grey eyes and a dangerous look on his face, which actually made me laugh inside.

I thanked her with profusion and it was sincere since I owed her a lot, much more than she seemed to comprehend.

The bar wasn't to far so I decided to go now as she said he was spending most of his days there.

The sooner I go, the faster I'll know were to stand.

Ghostly Andre was walking or rather floating or well… whatever ghosts do beside me as I hurried up to the bar.

"Well thanks," I said grudgingly knowing that without his intervention I would be as lost as before, "but…just so you know you're not forgiven…. far from it," I added with much more anger than I actually felt, but he needed to learn his lesson.

He nodded.

We stopped at the angle, just across from the bar. Seeing the kind of dump it was I was pretty sure they wouldn't ask for my ID since they were probably already violating a huge number of federal laws.

"But… But what changed your mind?" I asked as curiosity got the best of me.

He looked at me and shrugged as he mouthed. _I love you…sister_.

I pressed my lips together trying not to show emotion. Andre always used to joke as he entered the academy with one sister and left it that summer with two. Lissa and I were both 5 and he was 7 then, but it had been the same ever since.

The Dragomirs' have always been some kind of a substitution family and Lissa as my twin sister and Andre like a big brother.

I sighed "Ok...Time to go in," I said walking into the bar and sitting on the last stool at the end of it. It allowed me to have both a good view of the entire room and of the door without being noticed straight away.

_Strategy classes put at use at last. _I thought shaking my head.

A dodgy bartender came to me. He had so many tattoos that I could barely see actual skin on his arms.

"What can I get ya?" He asked looking both smug and suspicious.

"A bottle of Bud "I said looking straight into his eyes.

"You sure you legal?" He asked making fun of me really. "You know…it's no place for little girls here."

"Really want to go there dude?" I asked coldly still keeping my eyes on his, showing I wasn't afraid. "I'm no little girl and legal enough believe me," I said as the smart ass I was, which was maybe a mistake, but I realized it wasn't when a wide smile spread on his face.

He nodded. "Ok…. Mam'" he said putting the bottle in front of me.

I looked around the room and stopped my eyes on a girl sitting in a corner table for a minute. I did it for two reasons really.

Firstly because she was looking at me and secondly she looked so familiar!

I frowned looking in front of me again as I tried to remember were I had already seen her face.

She was like some kind of familiar stranger, someone you could swear you knew, but in fact you didn't or like an amnesic seeing someone he knew for the first time since his memory loss. I turned my head pretending to stare at the door, but peeked at the girl again.

_I knew her... Damn where from? _That was frustrating!! I shook my head well I've probably seen her while on the run with Lissa at University or stuff since we were living in a Students house.

_I ha__ve far more important things to do now _I thought concentrating on the people getting into the bar again.

About two minutes later she walked up to stand beside me and handed a 10 to the bartender, probably to pay for her drink. After he gave her the change she quickly looked at me.

"You know… Strength is just a tool… not the end," she said nodding toward my pendant with a accent I couldn't place. She then turned around and left the bar without another word.

I looked down at the cross and quickly hid it under my sweater.

_But how did she -- _I quickly looked up as I saw her leave the bar. _The cross was facing her… How on earth did she know about the word __'Сила' engraved on the back??_

I was about to stand up to run after her when CJ walked in. It was the perfect timing to set my priorities straight again.

I looked at him, trying to look as alluring as I could with a tiny shy, yet slutty smile (at least I tried)

He looked at me and smiled back while walking toward me.

_Yatzee! _I thought looking down at my beer, but switching to a more 'inviting' position.

He sat beside me.

"Hey" he said smugly.

"Hey" I said with what I thought was a sexy voice. When all I wanted to say was '_hey strigoi__'__s bitch!'_

We talked for a little while about random things. I tried to sound as idiotic, naïve and weak as I could and boy that was hard!! The total contrary of my actual personality, but his smart-ass attitude tipped me on the fact that it was what he wanted and I didn't get disappointed.

He had his eyes so glued to my breasts that I started to wonder if he expected some monkeys to come out from it.

"Maybe…do you live far away?" I asked licking my lips when I only wanted to puke as I could see the lust in the eyes of this man that I already hated.

"Why? Want to see my place?" He asked expectantly. "I do have a little flat not too far from here," he added with a wink.

"So… What are we waiting for?" I asked winking back.

"I was wondering exactly the same thing!" He said standing up and helping me down the stool.

As we walked to his flat I could feel my hunting knife in my left sock, the taser on my belt and the razor blades in my right sock.

_Oh you__'__re gonna scream believe me, but not for the reason you think… _I thought following him to his building.


	8. Chapter 8

**A.N: **Hey guys!!

From now on my beta will be **katiexmariex101**, i would like to take a minute to take the time to do that as she is fast and really efficient plus she accepted to take over that story and i know that most beta hate that so thank you so much katie =)

Well also thank you to the 8 sweet reviewers. you honestly inspired me that i wrote 3 chapters in 2 days!

Huge kudos to you guys, you rock!!! Don`t forget that the reviews keep the writer writing lol.

Also i just wanted to tell you that the next few chapters are going to answer many of your questions =)

Well i hope you are going to enjoy it and don`t forget REVIEW REVIEW and REVIEW lol.

Take care xoxo.

**Chapter 8:**

He had barely closed the door before I knocked him out with a punch, I put as much strength as I could standing that close.

_Here douche bag! _I thought when my fist connected with his nose.

He fell heavily on the floor.

_He__'__s going to be out for a while. _I thought looking at him on the floor with disdain. I bet it was quite a blow to his stupid male ego to be beaten by a girl.

And he really was out for some time, when he opened his eyes he was sitting, and attached pretty well, on a metal kitchen chair. I also was sitting on another one in front of him playing with my hunting knife. Then I put my taser and razor blades in clear view on the kitchen table for him to see what was coming his way.

"Finally coming around." I said trying to sound smug. "I don't have all day you know." I added still playing with the knife, using it to point at the kitchen wall clock.

"I…What…" He was confused. "You bitch!! I'm going to kill' ya."

"Of course you will!" I said laughing. _Men are such idiots!! The dude was attached on a chair in front of a girl playing with a knife, and she was clearly mentally deranged but he was threatening her?_ "You know you are an idiot do you? I have so many ideas on how I can torture you till you pass out, or actually beg for me to kill you." I said as my voice shivering with anger.

I stood up, walked slowly to him, and brought my face just inches from his.

"Look into my eyes _shithead_," I said blankly. "I don't care anymore….I can kill you. I can't lose my soul because" I shrugged "I lost it already and I'm really, really angry right now." I gave him an evil smile. "And believe me nobody is as dangerous as someone who has nothing left to lose."

"What…What do you want psycho?" He asked keeping his eyes on mine.

Well, he was stupid but still some how courageous.

"Not much….I just want to know where your '_specials friends__' _left last night, and what else you know about their plans." I said sitting back but taking the taser this time looking pointedly at a spot between his legs.

He suppressed a shiver. I could see he clearly got my intentions in the hypotheses that he didn't want to share what he knew with me.

"I knew you weren't normal…" He said narrowing his eyes. "Not human." he added with some kind of disgust.

"Thanks for the compliment," I said sincerely. _I mean who would want to be human in a world like this… so much savagery! _"But you are not normal either" I added. "Who knew someone could live without a brain?" I added fighting my smile. Smartass all the way!!

"If I tell you... They will kill me!" He said shaking his head from side to side frenetically.

"If you don't, I'll kill you!" I said seriously. "And even if I don't they'll find out that you chatted with me and that _'__we__' _found you and tried to get what you know."

"Yeah but I wouldn't have said anything!" He said stubbornly almost sticking his tongue out.

"Well yeah… but they are usually extra careful and would probably kill you just to be sure you won't spill the beans!" I said sincerely locking eyes with him to show that I wasn't lying.

"It's a no win situation then." He said dropping the act.

I might be tiny, but I knew I could look terrifying especially now knowing that he was one of the only obstacles to the new goal that I needed so badly.

"Not necessarily…" I said putting the taser back on the table. "Honestly I don't hate you really… I'm not lying to you and I don't go back on my words…." _Well almost never. _I added to myself.

"If you tell me what I want to know… The honest truth I mean!" I added harshly. "Well…Then they'll never know it was you and I'll never bother you again."

He opened his mouth to say something but I raised my finger and continued.

"However if you tell me bullshit then I'll be back with some _'__friends,__'_"I said with such a tone that it made him shiver again. "And you'll cry and wish you were never born." I threw him a dark look. "And if I find out you gave me away, well they better take me down before I have the time to open my mouth. And you better pray they won't go through my pockets because I swear I'll take you down with me…." I said through tight lips.

He got whiter and whiter as I spoke. "You're really deranged…." He said more astonished than anything.

"You have no idea to what extend." I said thinking that I would probably scare the dad in '_The Shinning_'.

He sighed and shook his head. "Small and lethal…." He whispered to himself. "Well I don't know much," He said looking up to show he was telling the truth. "Those '_special friends_'"he said using the same wording than I did. "Well they didn't like to talk much in front of people like me… _human_ I mean."

_I got it, we__'__re not all retards! _I though, but just nodded for him to go on.

"I did catch some bribes of information. Their goal is to take over some kind of institution." He said biting his lips trying to think. "A place called _St Mirmir_… no_… St Vader_…" He frowned thinking hard.

At least he got some cookies points for trying.

"St Vladimir?" I said trying to hide the unease that it caused me.

"Yeah!!" He said eyes widening like he was saying _Yatzee!! _He cleared his throat.

"Anyways they tried once but it was not really what they wanted, it was just a diversion because they needed some special people." He frowned confused. "Something about guardian techniques, magical wards…some people controlling elements or stuff…" He shook his head. "Anyways they do have most of that now."

I was frozen as the panic level in my body was increasing exponentially by the second but it took all I had to hide it. I just nodded stiffly.

"I never met the actual big boss but there was a blond one who is pretty high in the hierarchy and apparently something about a Dragomir…. Whatever that is" he said with a snort "if he found or had that Dragomir it could help him to get even higher."

Pure hate shook me. _I am going to take that little fucker too!! Him and Dimitri. _I thought. _If it is my last act… then so be it_.

"All I know it that they went down to Tualatin which is I think somewhere near Portland, going South…To meet the boss and organize the troops." He then growled. "I promise! That's all I know!!"

I looked behind him where my ghost/lie detector was standing.

"Is he lying?" I asked

Andre shook his head.

CJ turned the head but didn't see Andre.

He opened his eyes wide. "Ooookkkkkay…" He said looking in front of him again not adding anything more.

I looked at him for a couple of minutes. Thinking about taking him out for good, I mean he was a terrible person associating with strigoi which was the worse betrayal to the human race and to life in general.

I would surely break my promise, but it won't be the most important one that I have broken in my life was it?

I will just make him pay for something he will never pay for and I wouldn't commit the same mistake than the strigoi did.

_Don__'__t do it Rose….Don__'__t take a life… It__'__s not you…You still have a shot at redemption. _Said a voice in my head that was probably my damn conscience, and what was even worse is that this conscience had the very bad idea to sound like Dimitri.

_I really am a mental and deranged masochist!! _I thought laughing.

This laugh scared CJ even more as he probably compared me to some serial killer now…I probably had that look in my eyes.

I nodded. "K dude this is gonna hurt but when you come back to your senses I'll be gone… better forget about me and everything else if you want to live a bit longer because if it's not me… it will be others got it??"

He just nodded before I tased him full strength on the neck.

I ran back to the motel as I really needed to exorcise my anger and exercise was the only way I knew how, well… that _AND_ fighting but I didn't have the time for a fight.

I've put all my stuff in my duffle bag, and my sword just fitted perfectly in it. I rolled it up in a towel.

I looked at the car and decided to abandon it there. I needed to get a better one and since I knew I wouldn't need to run on Adrian's money much longer I could spare a bit more. Right?

_I heard you didn__'__t need that much money once you__'__re dead anyway._ I said to myself as a dark joke.

There was exactly 364 miles between Spokane and Tualatin, and based on a web itinerary it would take me about 6 hours to get there…With a normal car I should specify.

I was very close to my goal. I could feel it.

I couldn't hide much longer so I went to a little car dealer and bought a pretty decent Jeep Grand Cherokee 1996 for 3000 dollars and decided to spend one last night here before going to Tualatin as leaving now was pointless, I would make it there way after dark and it wasn't the smartest plan since I didn't know what to expect there.

That night I didn't take any sleeping pills, I wanted to speak to Adrian, warn him, but I had a dreamless night. I decide to try again the next night and in the worse case scenario I'll have to phone him.

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I left just after 7 and Andre was in the car with me, which was rather nice from him to stay with since he could just appear wherever he wanted.

''Thanks,'' I said sincerely ''Even if your not technically here, at least physically. It's nice to have some company. you know?''

He gave me a sad smile.

''And the fact that you can't talk is a plus!'' I added sarcastically.

We made it to Tualatin around 2 pm . As soon as I made it into town I had the uneasy feeling of _'Holy shit Strigoi near by' _that I had wanted to feel for weeks, now that feeling overpowered me.

It was such a deep feeling that it scared me.

''How many strigoi are lingering here?'' I whispered automatically. I looked at Andre to see him staring back with a fear which probably reflected mine.

The feeling was constantly present which didn't really help me to find exactly where they were hiding. It wasn't a big town but yet it seemed to be a hard mission.

_Come on.. Just a bit more help here… _I pleaded in my head to a God I didn't really believe in anymore.

I was driving around trying to find a motel that seemed shabby but they were all pretty nice. That kind of sucked in a small town, well that's ok I would show my ID if needed. It was too late for them to track me down anyways.

I was about to park in front of a motel when Andre pointed forward. That's when I saw him! The guy with the scar! _'My brother' _getting in the luxury black car and driving away from a shop.

I followed him to a clearly abandoned industrial area. There was a medium size warehouse standing there. I could see on the surrounding that many others had been taken down and that the closest one still up was about half a mile away.

I saw _scarface_ ( I know haha) park his car in front of the main door and take a big box inside the building .

''I'm just going to peek inside to see what's going on.'' I said opening the door.

Andre looked a little agitated with me.

''Don't worry I won't go in today. I just want a better _feel._'' I saw him calming straight away. ''Plus I need to warn them back to St Vlad. I won't have their death on my conscience I already have too many of them.''

I walked to the door and saw that Andre lingered about 10 feet back. I walked back to him.

''You aren't coming?'' I whispered. I know it was stupid but knowing he was by my side made me feel safer. ''It's not like they could hurt you!'' I added in a lousy attempt to joke.

He shook his head and whispered ''I can't''

''You can't?'' I asked puzzled. He looked at me with such a longing look as he wanted more than anything to be able to come with me.

''Oh…'' my eyes widened. ''There is a magical ward huh?''

He nodded

''Damn! Who would help them?!'' I asked not looking at him. ''It's ok, wait here I'll be back in no time.''

I came back about 15 minutes later, and drove back to the motel we saw earlier.

I didn't see much actually. The main part of the warehouse was empty; there was a door near the end of it. It's were the strigoi were but it all seemed very strange, but they were there all right! _SO_ close that my sick feeling was almost crippling me.

"That's not good. Couldn't they all stand in that back room!!?" I was talking to myself as I set my stuff in the room. "They are probably organizing something, maybe…" I sat and stared at the wall trying to think harder and faster. "Maybe there were some tunnels, Strigoi loved tunnels" I added to myself.

The time to sleep didn't come fast enough. I felt exhausted since the rush of adrenaline drained so much out of me.

I was excited about tomorrow but it scared the hell out of me, too. It was maybe, okay feeling that many Strigoi, it was _probably_ my last day on earth tomorrow.

_Am I ready? _I thought as I looked at the sword laying beside me on the floor and the sliver stake underneath my pillow.

_Well I__'__ll have to be… Right? _I thought lying down. _Come on Adrian be there! _I pleaded curling into a ball

Within minutes I was asleep and standing in the forest that surrounded the Academy, just near the cabin.

"Ok so it's my dream…" I muttered to myself. "Adrian!!" I shouted feeling totally moronic. "Adrian!! Please!" I begged looking around me.

I could hear the birds on the trees but otherwise it was quiet.

"Come on." I whined. "I know you can hear me. Please….Please I need you." I added loosing hope as seconds past.

About a minute later the door of the cabin opened an Adrian stepped out.

"Hello Rosie!" He said with a smile, but his eyes only showed sadness. "You don't know how good it is to hear you call my name." He added smugly. "What can I do for you?"

"St Vladimir is in great danger" I said knowing that honesty was the safest bet.


	9. Chapter 9

**A.N:** Hey guys!!

YAY and SQUEAL for the reviews you are SOOOO sweet!! I love you!! Like big time lol ( nah that's true). bug kudos to you my sweet reviewers *wink*

Anyways here chapter 9 and just so you know the more reviews i get the fastest i'll update.

Thanks to Katie for her talent to beta this story.

Hugsies,

Steffy

**Chapter 9:**

"I was expecting a friendly chat but it's business, always business" he said with a slight pout.

"There is no time for your jokes here Adrian" I said trying to contain my anger. I did get that his lame humor was a way to protect himself but it was still super annoying.

"The time is limited here and it's more serious than you think. Please Adrian just try to focus a minute here." I added without concealing my fear anymore.

He took two quick steps forward like he wanted to hug me or something but stopped, as he perfectly knew it wasn't the best idea ever.

"What's going on Rose? You are really getting me worried now… not an easy thing to do." He said and it was true he was always so smug it was unnatural.

"The strigoi, they are coming… They have the knowledge of our security and they have magic on their hands." I said having troubles to even believe it myself.

"How could they…how would…who… -" Started Adrian but he figured, probably from the look on my face, that I didn't have the answer to that.

"And it's a big group, really big, like 70, maybe more!" I said feeling the fear increasing as I explained everything.

"But the Academy? It doesn't make sense!" Stated Adrian. "They're just kids… not that important all things considered."

I had the time to think about that while driving to Tualatin and I figured some things.

"Well it doesn't make sense now but killing the kids of the Academy will weaken the future of the Moroi society I mean…Think about it! How many Moroi do we have here huh? Age ranging from 4 to 18! It's like taking off a whole generation! And - OH!" I almost shouted as I realized or more exactly feared something.

"What?" Asked Adrian really having dropped all the pretend and looking whiter than ever.

"Tell the guardians to check with the 6 other Academies." I said seriously as the Moroi society counted only 7 academies like St Vladimir around the world. "Take all 7 down and you are almost guaranteed to destroy the Moroi society in as little as a lifetime."

He narrowed his eyes as he was thinking.

"Tell them to check the one near Glasgow, Toulouse, Novokuznetsk, Ayacucho and Ar Riyad." We had the Institutions in strategic points. One in Scotland, one in France, one in Siberia, one in Peru one in Saudi Arabia and two here in the U.S., in our beautiful Montana of course and in New Hampshire.

"Tell them to check if there were some unexpected guardians and moroi disappearance, and if they say yes, well tell them about the army they raised here and what they intend to do."

He nodded stiffly like a soldier receiving orders from his colonel, which was the total opposite of the high rank royal facing a young school drop out dhampir. I would have almost made a point of that and laughed a bit if the situation wasn't that desperate.

"I'm pretty sure they are counting on the element of surprise as nobody _NEVER_ could have imagine something like that. Let's face it! I felt it myself and still had trouble accepting it. If they are ready, there is a chance."

"Okay I'll do it I promise." He said solemnly. "Don't worry we'll be safe."

"I know you'll do your best." I said sincerely. "And if you could explain all that to my… mother," I said wincing "it would be nice since she will probably be in charge anyways." _The Great Janine Hathaway. _I added to myself, knowing that now I was only a disgrace to her, a liability.

"Well _THAT _can be an issue." He said laughing but I could see something deeper in his emerald eyes. _What happened between them? _I could see them arguing for sure but I didn't have time to ask him and the future ahead was pretty dark. I probably would not see any of them again.

As this reality hit me it took my breath away. It was probably my last chance to say what I had to say. My last chance to say…goodbye.

"An issue?" I asked to humor him a bit. He deserved it.

"Yeah you know… the woman doesn't like me much." He said pretending to be surprised and hurt.

"Oh really?" I asked sarcastically. "That's shocking!"

"It's going to be such a pain when you'll be back because having a mother-in-law who hates you, it's not that fun I've heard." He added a light of his old self in his eyes.

I couldn't help but laugh at this one. A high royal moroi marrying a dhampir girl?! That was more impossible than an army of strigoi "Yeah well I'll have your aunt, the queen who will hate me so… I think I beat you there, right?"

He chuckled and nodded. "Yeah…" but he was serious again.

"You know" I started seriously, crossing my arms on my chest. "You are a pretty decent guy! Once you get rid of all this smug smartass sufficient crap that make you an Ivashkov."

"A compliment? From Rose Hathaway?!" He asked in an attempt to joke but I could read the real surprise on his face. "Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse in the bible?"

"Do you even know what a bible looks like?" I asked with an evil grin.

"Touché!!" he said grimacing.

"No, but seriously." I said again "you only attract whores and gold diggers because of your attitude and reputation." I walked to him and put a hand on his forearm. "Show the real Adrian and I can assure you that good girls, the one who will really care about you, are going to come running." I said sincerely.

He turned his face slowly, to look into my eyes, his face only inches from mine.

"A girl like you?" he asked his voice full of emotion.

"I'm not good." I said wanting to step back, maybe being so close was not a good idea even in dreams. But, when I tried to remove my hand, he placed his other one on top of it to keep it in place. "You can do better so much better, I'm just a freak of nature."

"What if it's what I want?" he said still looking deep into my eyes.

This time I removed my hand with force and took 2 steps back.

"I'm irrelevant," I said wanting to change subject desperately. "Can I ask you for one last small favor?" I asked with a guilty smile.

He closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. "You know I'll do anything for you Rose Hathaway… Even if I come to regret it afterward." We both knew he was talking about the fact that he helped me to go. "You just have to ask." he added as this idea clearly annoyed him.

"First well..." I switch uncomfortably on my feet "I'm worried about Lissa because her magic is growing very fast she can do plenty of new stuff and I'm worried for her state of mind." I said flushed.

"How do you -?" He became whiter than bone again and I knew what he dreaded… That I knew what she found out directly from picking his brain, but god forbid, I'd rather get stab to death than mention it.

"You visited her mind??" he asked trying to hide his discomfort.

"Well I did yesterday" It was a lie so he wouldn't find out I knew everything and, when I saw his sigh of relief, I knew I did it. "She was talking to Christian about her new powers and some other stuff she had discovered." and there, his expression changed again as if he was hiding something, something big… Bigger then his feelings that was sure.

He just nodded warily.

I cleared my throat.

"Also, Tell Lissa that I love her and that there is nothing to forgive." I took a deep breath trying to steady my feelings, as I felt closer and closer from falling on all four and crying like no tomorrow… Which I probably didn't have anyway.

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again.

"Tell her that she is unique, one of the best and that she should always follow the path she believes in because it will be the good one." I made fists with my hands feeling my nails biting my palms. "Tell Christian that as smartass and sarcastic as he can be, that he is Lissa's perfect match, and that I'm more than happy that they have each other. Tell them to love each other like if there were no tomorrows because sometime the end arrives way before you expected it."

"But-" Started Adrian but I ignored him and continued

"Tell my mother that I understand now and that logic or not it's almost impossible to go against what you are or what you believe in or …what mission you chose to achieve and she is first and foremost a guardian." My voice started to shiver. "Tell her that I know she loves me… in her own way."

"Stop!" Shouted Adrian, I looked at him surprised.

"What the hell are you doing here Rose?" He asked his eyes and voice full of anger. Angrier than I've ever seen him. "It's clearly look like some goddamn goodbyes to me! And I don't want to hear them!! You have no right to say goodbye!! To abandon us!!"

"It's my mission." I said weakly. _You will destroy that which is undead. _I recalled.

"Your mission is to die?! I don't think so!!" He said both angry and terrified. Terrified to lose me…He was already in too deep but he'll get over it. They all will.

"No my mission is to keep my promise and to keep the moroi safe. I warned you and now I'm going to fight." I added straightening up.

"Fight? Against 70 Strigoi?" He asked with a dark laugh. "Oh right!! Maybe you just forgot to tell me that you're superwoman or something." He added with heavy sarcasm

I couldn't get mad, as I could see it was his fear speaking. I just looked at him and said nothing.

"Please Rose tell me where you are… where _THEY_ are and…and…" he put his hands together as if he was pleading. "And we'll be there in no time, an army of guardians I swear!! Please… just don't do that alone"

I shook my head ready to speak

"Damn it Rose!!" He was shouting even louder than before "Are you crazy? Do you want to die? Is that what's it all about??" He asked flushed.

"Crazy? Yeah kinda. Death wish?" I shrugged "possibly. But…" I tried to sound calm. "There is no time for you to _'__raise__'_an army and send it. Plus it will let the academy unprotected or not protected enough, and well you guys come first like always." I said not able to council the sarcasm.

"Not for me," he said cutting me off. "You come first! Between you and 100 moroi I've made my choice." He shrugged "it's selfish but I don't care… Nobody said that love was reasonable because… because…I love you Rose… I really do love you." He said calming almost immediately. He said it now and there were no turning back.

I walked up to stand before him, and again, I brought my hand to his face and cupped his cheek.

I gave him a small smile.

"More proof that you can't make the right decision." I said in a clearly failed attempt to joke.

"I wrote a letter to you all, I'll post it tomorrow you should receive it in 2 days or so" I continued but I kept my hand on his face. "I explain everything. If I fail well…. The information will be useful, and if I succeed well you'll hear about it believe me."

I sighted "I don't want anybody else to die because of me. I could not stand to lose anyone else. Christian… you ….Lissa…" I said with a shiver of fear.

I stood on my toes and gently, but quickly, brushed my lips against his.

"You are a good man Adrian never forget that." I said before closing my eyes concentrating into getting out of this dream.

When I opened my eyes again I was in the motel bed. I looked at the alarm clock where the green numbers said it was 5 a.m. I still had a bit of time in front of me…

And that's when I started to cry, letting go of all the pain, frustration, anger, sadness, love for one last time.

I needed to be free of them during the fight.

--------------------------------------------------------

Here I was, at 8 am, standing in front of the door of the warehouse with my hand shaking on the handle.

_Come on... There is no turning back now. _I looked around and saw Andre pleading eyes. Pleading for me to come back.

I felt the stake on my belt and unfastened the protection case so I could get it out quicker. I put the sword on my back and then finally walked into the main part of the warehouse, which was quiet and mainly dusty. I could see that the strigoi where never there but I already figured that one out last night.

I started to walk slower as my '_holy shit strigoi ahead__'_feelingincreased. When I arrived in front of the door the feeling was so huge that it was pressuring my lungs.

_No fear… no fear… no fear _I repeated ready to open the door that will bring me to the inside room…The big unknown.

I cracked the door open and peeked inside. It was a real tiny place but there were stairs to some basement.

_Of course! _I thought. _Strigoi loved basements!!_

I opened the door a bit more and slid in. I could see enough with my dhampir eyes to be able to make out that there were many pieces of paper stapled on the wall. I opened the door a bit more just to have a tad more daylight to see better, but when I turned around, I didn't even have time to blink before a strigoi jumped on me.

There I was, lying on my back, with a strigoi on top of me keeping my hands tightly on the floor.

_Yeah my sword was useful that__'__s for sure. _I thought bitterly. I was much calmer than I thought I would be, staring death right in the eyes.

I didn't expect for a strigoi to be waiting there. I've been careless!

He smiled and bent down to bite me when I heard a voice.

"Hey fugly!" Said a girl's voice, trying to attract his attention. I quickly saw that in her hand, was pepper spray.

_Yeah that__'__s gonna help you idiot!! _I thought as he looked at her with a smile probably thinking the same thing.

But as soon as she sprayed, he brought his hands to his face.

_What the fuck?! _I thought with shock, but almost immediately reached for my stake and plugged it hard into his heart before he even got the chance to scream.

As I removed the body from the top of me I saw a shadow on the stair.

_Fuck they saw me! They are going to alert the security!_

I jumped up ready to follow him

"Roza don't!" the girl behind me loudly whispered.

_Roza? _I thought with shock nobody called me Roza expect… and it was probably the only word able to make me stop.

I turned around and looked at her through narrowed eyes, she was the girl from the bar!

"Let's go now!" She said reaching out for me.

I didn't move. "Who are you?" I asked aggressively "and what the hell was in that spray?"

"It's sliver nitrate consecrated with magic, in super high dose. Won't kill them but sure hurt like hell. Come on let's go!!" She added with urgency. "I'll tell you everything later." She reached out with her hand again.

"Who are you?" I asked stiffly again even if I knew she was probably right.

She sighed and mumbled something about being as stubborn as he told her. "My name is Kashka. Kashka Belikov" she said looking deep into my eyes.

My jaw dropped… _Those eyes, that hair! That__'__s why she seemed so familiar!! She was Dimitri's sister!_ I thought as I took her hand

We ran off the warehouse together as I swore to myself to go back soon enough.


	10. Chapter 10

**A.N:** Hey, well just a quick note to thank all my reviewers, see as i said more reviews equal a faster update!! Big kudos to you as your kind words keep me going.

Oh and well....Becaause you are such cuties i'll give you a tiny spoiler ( well huge actually) for next chapter:** Rose will finally stare in the eyes of her reason to breathe**. =)

Don't forget the more reviews i get the faster i'll update.

SO enjoy!! R&R

Hugsies.

Steffy.

**Chapter 10: **

I was glancing at Kashka from time to time while driving back to the motel as I still couldn't believe everything that had happened in the last 30 minutes.

I faced death in the eyes without fear so maybe I was suicidal ….Never mind that was another issue. I've been saved and by one of Dimitri's, the love of my life, relative.

I glanced at her one more time and saw a small smile playing on her lips.

"I can imagine that you probably have a couple of questions right?" She asked with a heavy Russian accent, a lot heavier than Dimitri's.

"Yeah…" I shrugged "about thousands!" I added with a snort.

"Ok well… better stop at the city hall first and then I'll tell you everything you want to know, ok?" She asked politely but it sounded more like an order than a request.

I looked at her puzzled

"There were plenty of strigoi so; I guess there is more than a basement under that warehouse…" she bit her lip as she thought. "I think we should get blueprints of this specific area to see if there is a specific sour system or something like that running under that warehouse."

I looked at her with wide eyes._ She was brilliant! Strategic!!_ I guess it was genetic or something.

"Eyes on the road Roza" she said pointing at the windshield. "I'm too young and far too pretty to die you know." she said with a wink.

I parked in front of the tiny city hall. It looked more like a kindergarten than anything else.

"Ok I'll distract him by playing the poor Russian girl who is lost" she said with a smile "and you go to the basement and steal the blueprints. Deal?"

I nodded and looked away. "But… Could….could you not call me Roza anymore please?" I asked in an uncomfortable whisper. Hearing her calling me like that was like being stabbed in the chest every single time. "Rose… can you call me Rose?" I added finally looking at her.

I saw her eyes shadowed with sorrow, solicitude and pain.

"Of course Rose." She said squeezing my hand. This touch was worth a thousand words.

25 minutes later we were back at the motel with two hot coffees, some chocolate chips muffins, and the famous blueprints.

"Govniuk!" Growled Kashka as I was unfolding the blueprints on the table.

I looked at her with surprise. I already heard Dimitri mumble that word and I knew it was a Russian swear word. I just didn't know what it meant.

''What's wrong?'' I asked.

''That man…'' she shook her head. ''He was treating me like an idiot! Tried to get me in his bed.'' She _tsked_ with anger.

'And…And what does _Govniuk_ mean?'' I asked trying to sound detached.

She looked at me for a couple of seconds, doing the super cool Dimitri '_raise one eyebrow'_ thing. _I guess it's genetic coolness _I thought like an idiot.

She sighed giving up. ''It means…'' she bit her lip trying to figure out the English translation.

''Well I'm not supposed to teach you swear words but I'm pretty sure you heard most of them with Dimka.'' She said with a small chuckle ''_Govniuk_ means Shithead in Russian.''

''Oh one of my favorite swear words!!'' I said spontaneously before blushing with embarrassment.

''Don't be embarrassed. I know how spontaneous you can be.'' She said with a sad smile.

I looked at the blueprints trying to hide my surprise. Then I saw that there was a underground tunnel that was full of other tunnels, connecting the divided warehouses that had been knocked down now, it was previously used as a military base.

''Did you guys talked about me a lot ?'' I asked trying to hide my curiosity keeping my eyes on the blueprints.

''Well…'' I gave her a sidelong look, she shrugged walking around the room. ''He did talked about you when we were on the phone so about twice a week.'' She had a sad laugh. ''He was so proud of you! I knew he loved you I think even before he realized it himself.''

''Really?'' I asked looking at the blueprints but not seeing anything anymore as I was doing my best to fight the tears.

''Yeah … the impetuous, extra brilliant Rose'' she said with some pride in her voice which was funny as it sounded like I was a member of her family. ''That's why today surprised me really.'' She continued.

I shoot my head up finally clearly looking at her. ''Surprised you? Surprised you how?'' I asked somehow hurt by her comment.

''Well it was a stupid move Rose, sorry.'' She said with no apology in the voice. ''Reckless…suicidal really.''

''No it was not!'' I shouted harshly. ''If he talked that much about me. I'm sure you know that I'm careless sometimes, I act before thinking.''

''Oh I know that!'' she said so calmly that I felt bad for being so bitchy to her. I concentrate my attention on the blueprints again looking at the boundaries. ''I also know that you act carelessly in the heat of the moment and that wasn't the heat of the moment Rose.''

I looked up speechless, she really did know a lot about me, too much to my liking.

''I could have believed it if you had done that yesterday but no…'' she shook her head. ''You came back here… Slept on it! And still did that….'' She grimaced while brushing the engraved part of my sword with her fingers. ''I … I can't help but think that it has something to do with today's date.''

''It has nothing to do with that!'' I shouted while some tears ran down my cheek. ''Nothing!''

She looked at me with both surprise and hurt as she didn't expect such a burning reaction. ''Of course…'' She said. ''But just so you know I _AM _grieving too. _HE_ was maybe the man you loved but… but he was my _BROTHER!!_''She said losing some of her control for once.

I took a deep breath ''I'm sorry'' I whispered ''but I promise it had nothing to do with today even if…. If It hurts to think that today he would be 25.'' Because yes today was Dimitri's birthday.

She came beside me kissed my temple and looked at the blueprints

''YOB!''She shouted looking at the tunnels.

I frowned.

''You 'll know all our swear words now…'' she shook her head. ''Again boy…_Dimitri_ would have kicked my ass for that… _Yob_ means fuck.'' She said sheepishly.

I nodded like it was no biggy but I was not going to forget that one that's for sure.

I saw her eyes fixed on the cross around my neck.

''I'm…I'm sorry I took it.'' I started embarrassed. ''It's just -''

''Don't even do that!'' She said seriously looking for my eyes. ''You meant the world to him Rose. You were his strength!'' She added nicely. ''You had every right to take it and I'm actually happy you did.'' She said truthfully.

I looked at her and smiled. ''But…don't get me wrong I'm pleased you are there but how did you find me?'' I asked curiously.

She laughed. ''Well you are my brother's student after all, you think like him and, even if I didn't train to be a guardian, believe me I've got the guardian instinct.'' she said sitting down at the table.

I copied her and sat too.

''I trained with the novices coming around the community during the holidays and I got some hints by the guardians visiting and all that.''

I nodded.

''I made it to the Academy two days after you left and I was almost sure that you would try to find them from the starting point like Dimka would have done so I went to Spokane and waited for you there.'' She shrugged ''I knew you would make it there sooner or later and well you did! I followed you from there.''

I frowned. ''Man I suck!'' I said with a whine. ''I even didn't get it! I never noticed I was followed. My instinct are…''

''They are just fine'' she said showing me a weird necklace she was wearing. ''You know not only Moroi can do magic and even if you never heard of ours… it's pretty powerful. It's a special spell which helps to get somehow unnoticed.''

''Your grandma did it?'' I asked knowing that their grandmother was some kind of witch/fortune-teller.

"Dimitri told you about her?" She asked surprised, I nodded. "Boy he really opened up to you didn't he?"

"He trusted me as I trusted him; he opened his heart to me." I said feeling stupid.

But as she nodded I could see she got my point as she simply said…

"I'm happy he did find you." She said nicely. "You were good to him I could hear it in his voice he was happy…. I never heard him that happy. He did find peace with you. A kind of peace he never found before."

I bit my bottom lip. "But why did you come?" I asked trying to change subject, "I mean…" I blushed "why did you bother?"

"No I understand" she said with a small laugh. "Well…When we received Dimitri's belongings my _Ba'booshka_.'' She saw my confusion. ''Grandmother…'' She said to clarify ''came to have a _'feel' _of his stuff and after a while she reached in one of the boxes, took the old bible she gave him for his christening.'' She looked deep into my eyes to show me how serious she was. ''She put in in my hands and put hers on top and she said I quote '_most beautiful and fragile creation on this earth are protected as a Rose and its thorns but if you're brave enough to face these barriers than you'll be facing the most beautiful Rose you'd ever seen, and your brother was just brave enough. You've got to keep this flower safe Kashka....protect your brother's heart, protect __Dimitri__'s reason to breathe_.''

My jaw dropped, that was so much clearer than anything Rhonda said!

''Wait it gets spookier'' she said laughing seeing my face. ''When I opened the bible there was a picture of you, you were wearing a beautiful back dress and laughing with two other dhampire boys and under the picture there was a dry Rose bud.''

It was probably a picture taken during the ball I went with Mason. And that's when Eddie did his lame joke I felt my heart tightening on my chest as it was a much happier time then.

''So….I took some holidays and here I am.'' She said putting her hands flat on the table.

''Holidays?'' I asked surprised. ''You are working?'' Which was probably the stupidest question I could have asked. _Way to go Rose! _

''Yeah…'' She said slowly like I was mentally challenged. ''The rumors are not helping us'' she said annoyed but not against me, it was more of a general feeling. ''You're going to laugh but I'm a sort of guardian you know…'' I looked at her with curiosity ''except that I'm not protecting moroi but humans.''

''How-'' I stared confused.

''I'm a cop!'' She said laughing seeing shock spreading on my face. ''Yep! And a pretty good one! As I can use my dhampire senses. You know, I'm only 22 but I'm already inspector. The youngest in my unit!''

''Wow!'' That's all I could say.

''Yeah that's how I got the idea of the city Hall and stuff…'' She said standing up again and looking at the blueprints. ''So don't feel bad. Now the question is how to take down those _Khuyesos' _without going down ourselves.'' She said seriously looking at me.

I asked her what _Khuyesos'_ meant and boy that was bad so so bad… I loved it!!

''I will protect you Rose…Even from yourself.'' She added knowingly

I stood up to stand beside her to look at the blueprints. I didn't know what to say really and denying wouldn't help.

''You are the strigoi expert, no? Tell me then, how can we stop them?'' She asked without any trace of mockery or anything which was shocking but I guess that I was the expert in this room.

''Well this is the main warehouse,'' I said pointing to the place where we fought yesterday. ''As you can see it's like the center of the spider web. The other entrances have been sealed with cement and there is no roof to protect them from the light anymore so…'' I pointed to the last warehouse standing about half a mile away. ''If you can see there is only 2 tunnels connecting with this building and well apparently…'' I pointed to two specific points ''the walls have been built up to stop access.''

She looked at me questionably.

''I know a wall will not stop them but it could stop humans and some dhampires'' I said knowingly. ''They are smart you know, and they have enough space not to take those walls down.'' I nodded. ''They can keep an eye on their surrounding a lot better that way.''

Kashka nodded approvingly.

''The only real way to kill them without getting physical'' I said with regret as the fun part for me right now _was_ to get physical. ''Well… there is only fire really.''

She smiled at me as she liked my way of thinking.

''Causing some nice explosions at some strategic points and the whole tunnels will be filled with fire in no time.'' I said with confidence. ''No escape possible.'' I added with a grin.

''And how do we do that?'' She asked but I was pretty sure she already had a partial answer, she was humouring me which was nice.

I showed her 8 places in the tunnels where to put the explosives. ''It would be enough but the problem is that we need a powerful accelerant causing a big and fast enough fire.''

''And?'' She said for me to continue.

''And what will be perfect you'll ask me?'' I said rhetorically. ''Napalm and C4 but weirdly enough I don't think they will have that in _Wal-Mart _even if they advertise they have everything.'' I said with sarcasm

''You really are a smartass aren't you?'' She asked not expecting an answer. She took out a cell phone and dialled a number. ''Don't worry… not every dhampires are angels believe me.'' she said putting the phone at her ear and starting to talk in Russian.

About 5 minutes later, she looked at me again.

''I need to drive down to Eugene'' she said looking at her watch ''I should be back in 5 hours max with… what we need'' she said eloquently.

''No shit!'' I said not even bothering apologising. ''You are not even living here but you managed to find napalm and C4 in one freaking phone call??'' I asked astonished and slightly jealous.

''Told you we're not all saint _Moy AngelOchek_''she said nicely. ''And Uncle Boris is surely not.'' She added taking her bag.

''It's too dangerous for you to come but…'' she looked around. ''There is some kind of military shop up in Portland. Go to check it out, maybe there will be some stuff we can use as…I don't know a switch for the explosions…or whatever.'' I nodded as she left.

I was maybe going to take down all theses strigoi and live anyways…I thought not able to council my regret and wanted to slap myself as I felt this regret.

_The important part was to take them down and protect our future! Make him proud!! Wherever or whatever he is_. I thought as I reached for my own car keys and decided to follow her lead by going to Portland to find what we needed.


	11. Chapter 11

**A.N:** Hey Guys!!

So here is the chapter I know you have been longing for lol. Well the next one is (in my opinion) even better as it was one of the most emotional for me.

Well anyways I would like to thank you for all your kind words it really means the world to me as writing is my true passion and knowing that you enjoy reading what I write makes it all worth while. Thank you SOOOOOO much.

I also want to thank Katie for taking the time to reread my chapters in order to give you something even better =)

On another note, I wanted to let you know that I've started to work on another VA related story. It will be totally different as I set it at the end of Frostbite it will be a pretty fun story (I think). I have already written 4 chapters and as soon as I find a beta available for it I'll start posting =), but don't worry it won't slow down the progression of _"**The Quest**"_ since I have already 6 chapters written in advance and I'm working on chapter 18 right now so…=)

Anyways without further ado chapter 11.

Hugsies xoxo

Steffy

**Chapter 11:**

I was back at the motel about 3 hours after I left with two army bags full of items. I managed to steal them from the shop which was luckily closed for the day.

I put the bags on the small table in the centre of the room and couldn't stop the chuckle.

_Now I could add breaking and entering on my brilliant record. _I thought shaking my head. I already had assault and battery, suspicion of kidnapping and so much more on it anyways.

I looked at my watch again and sighed, Kashka would not be back for at least three more hours and right now, for the first time in a long time, I didn't handle _'alone' _that well. It had made me do many, many stupid things.

I decided to pay a little visit to Lissa just for a couple of minutes to see how she was dealing with the news I gave to Adrian. I also wanted to try to find out the big secret they were keeping from me.

I already knew it wasn't related to Andre as I specifically looked in her last time for everything concerning ghosts, but I didn't get to investigate further after the whole '_Adrian big revealing' _I thought with both sadness and guilt.

I sat on the floor, brought my legs up and wrapped my arms around them. I pressed my forehead against my knees and concentrated as hard as I could for about 15 minutes and…and Nothing!!

My eyes shot open with shock.

"She is blocking me!!" I said out loud my eyes narrowing with both surprise and suspicion.

Firstly I was surprised that her power did increase so much in the last 3 weeks as it was what you could expect after 2 years or so, and I was scared for her, for her mental health even if I wasn't probably the best judge of that. Before I left she could barely keep a secret or an idea from me, let alone block me from her head altogether.

It was not that I couldn't connect, because I could feel the connection, but I could also feel that she was denying me entry.

Secondly it made me suspicious and nervous at the same time. What could be big enough for her to block me totally? What were they trying to pull off? I was scared for them…Their safety.

As the panic started to make it hard to breath, I stood up and started to look around the room for something to do.

After pacing the length of the room 2 or 3 times, I sat on the edge of the bed and glanced at the big duffle bag Kashka left behind while biting my bottom lip.

_Would it be that bad just to peek at what's in it? _I asked to myself. _I mean if she left it open it was probably because there was nothing too private right?_

Of course I knew it was bad, and I knew it could contain very personal stuffs but that she trusted me enough not to invade her privacy!

I stood up anyways, _She should know better. I'm Rose Hathaway and I never respected good sense_ I thought in a failed attempt to make me feel better about what I was about to do.

Kneeling by her bag, I delicately parted it as if there were a spitting cobra hiding in it. I mean, karma wise, I didn't deserve much better.

There was a black leathery sort of book resting on top of her clothes.

Looking closer, I could see it was a photo album.

I took it out, sat and crossed my legs to have a look through it.

I opened it, and on the inside cover, I recognized Dimitri's handwriting without even a second look.

'_Happy Birthday Kashka,_' it simply said, but there was a little piece of paper folded inside, I read it.

'_I'm sorry sistra I couldn't make it but the Academy and Rose need me for now I'm writing you in English as it a good practice for us isn't it miss Inspector?! I hope you will have a fantastic time and know that I'm with you in thoughts wishing you the best, _

_I love you, Dimitri' _

On the first page, there was a picture of a little boy hand in hand with a beautiful young woman. Under it there was a little note stating '_Dimitri ,5 & Mamma'_. I couldn't help but laugh looking to the picture again.

He was maybe a little boy back then but he already had this fierce, serious look on his face letting presaging the fantastic man he was bound to become.

I continued to flip through the album which contained pictures of all the Belikov family. I discovered that Dimitri younger sister, Anya, was 17. The last picture of Dimitri dated of Anya fifteenth birthday. Probably a bad memory now since it was when he left his moroi and he got killed.

However, he looked so happy in this pictures around his family ironically enough he was the only man but he was a full part of this group and he had his smile, the smile that made him the most beautiful person on the planet.

I brushed his face slightly with my finger tips and closed my eyes.

"Happy birthday my love" I whispered as I decided to acknowledge the fact that today was his birthday.

"My ultimate gift to you will be to save your soul" I added opening my eyes again relieved that the pictures were protected with plastic as I didn't realize I was crying before seeing the tears drops that I quickly dried with my sleeve.

I took a deep breath and nothing in the world could have prepared me to what I saw turning to the next page.

_It was me!! Like I was part of the family! _The tag under the picture said _'Dimitri's Roza' _and it was the picture at the ball, and I was laughing with both Eddie and Mason.

I turned the page quickly but there were other pictures of me.

It was so weird like I was in another dimension. Did Kashka research for the pictures herself or did she find them in Dimitri's belonging?

_Damn that would be such a bitch question to ask without giving myself away! _I thought angry at myself.

There was a picture of me and Dimitri during his fake strigoi attack. I was straddling him; it was clearly taken by one of the spectator cell phone. Maybe I was reading too much into it knowing the truth, but the way we looked at each other in that instant, with so much love and pride how could no one noticed??

There were a couple of photo of me while I was a runaway; they did probably spy on us for a couple of days. There were also a picture of me at the court in my Guardian outfit and another one in the red silkily dress I wore at the ski resort. I could see I was talking to someone in that picture but the head of my interlocutor had been cut off the picture. It was supposed to be Adrian.

I chuckled. _Very mature Dimitri! _I though knowing I would have done the exact same thing.

Looking more closely I could see that he was standing in the background, maybe a feet or two behind us staring. There was so much envy and jealousy in his eyes at this instant.

At least he didn't lie, he wasn't perfect, he was just like me but…I sighted closing the album putting it back in the bag.

_He was perfect to me, perfect for me_. I thought sadly.

When Kasha made it back she also brought 2 pizzas and a bottle of coke.

"Napalm _AND _Pizza?" I asked pretending to be impressed. "We'll get along just fine!" I added with a small laugh taking the pizzas from her and putting them on the little space we had left on the table.

"I knew that as soon as I saw your picture Rose." She stated simply like it was something she really always knew.

We prepared the explosives for the morning as her _"uncle" _explained her the best way to do it. We looked at the blueprints a bit more to be sure we would set the 10 bombs we prepared at the more efficient places.

She gave me another necklace she had, which had been protected by the gypsy's magic. If I could hide my face enough I would go unnoticed in the tunnels as I would_ 'smell' _strigoi for them at least long enough for us to set them up and "_get the hell out of there"_ as I quoted her.

The only switch I did find was low range and well, even if we didn't spoke these fears out loud, there were a serious probability that with the thick cement grounds, once outside, the switch wouldn't be efficient.

We talked about our lives, she was so open, like only a sister or a best friend could be.

We talked like that till pretty late.

I could see she was reluctant to take her own room because, even if the connection we developed was so spooky that, in only one day, it was like we had been friends forever, she was scared that I would try something stupid.

So I told her she could stay with me and we both laid restlessly on the bed thinking about what was about to happen.

"_You will destroy that which is undead" _I could hear Rhonda in my head over and over again.

I was the one who had that mission and I was scared for Kashka, so scared. I objectively knew that the only way to be sure that the switch would work was to press the button while still in the tunnels. I also knew that once the button was pushed, it would be impossible to make it back up.

I couldn't take anything else from the Belikov's family. They already suffered enough because of me.

I finally drifted into sleep having a normal dream, only images of my trip from Spokane to Tualatin.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up at 6 Am, Kashka was still asleep beside me. I stood up very quietly, tiptoed to the bathroom, took a quick shower and dressed in the clothes I stole at the army shop. Black Kakis pants full of pockets and some kind of black army sleeveless vest were I could put the small, but kick ass, bombs and tiny detonators.

I would put the vest on top of my large black hooded sweater. I decided to keep my hair down as it would help to hide my face.

I looked at myself in the mirror once I was dressed and couldn't help but laugh a little. Dressed all in black with the army boots, I looked like someone part of a commando, more than a teenage girl.

_The commando teenage team! That would be a killer show! _I thought randomly.

The purplish circles under my eyes did help with that all commando issue too.

I did wear the necklace Kashka gave me, but I also wore Dimitri's cross because, even if Kashka said I was his strength, she couldn't even start to imagine how much of my strength did actually came for him.

When I came back into the room Kasha opened an eye.

"What you do?" She mumbled sleepily.

"I'm going to go and get us breakfast, I'll be back in no time I promise" I said reaching for the door.

She raised her head lazily and felt confident when she saw that I did leave everything behind, I was not going there without her she figured nodding.

"I'll be ready when you come back" she said a bit more awake. "Can you get me a latte please?" She asked yawning.

"Sure thing" I said with a small smile.

I was back 15 minutes later and she just finished in the bathroom she was dressing all commando, just like me, but the scariest thought was that it was her casual clothing.

I handed her the latte and a Blueberry muffin.

"Yummy!!" She said with a grin. "I love blueberry muffins!!" She said sitting at the table taking a huge bite.

_Not that feminine… Just like me! _I thought and I couldn't help to smile at that thought.

"I know you love them" I said still chuckling sitting across for her. "You said that last night." _Along with so many other things_. I added to myself

We were maybe eating for about ten minutes when I saw her eyelids starting to droop as she did her best to fight it.

She yawned. "What…What…It's …." She yawned again and her eyes closed a bit longer this time. "What did you do?" She asked trying to sound angry and accusatory but the sleep in her voice was too strong.

"I've put 2 super strong sleeping pills in your coffee." I said not feeling sorry at all. "You'll be out for a good 8 hours."

"Why….." She asked closing her eyes not opening them again this time.

I helped her to the bed and I did answer her question even if she was in no state to understand or even hear it now.

"No mother should go through the pain to survive longer than her children. Your mom already lost one because of me and it surely won't happen again. I won't allow it." I added putting the vest with the bombs and detonators, and fastened the stake on my belt while putting the switch in my sweatshirt pocket.

I turned around before going. "It's my mission to take down the undead and I won't take anyone down with me this time" I said to her before closing the door ready to drive to meet my destiny, to meet my death.

I parked in front of the warehouse and walked in with sure steps but prayed that nobody would actually see me go down this time because, maybe they could not feel me as being different, but it would be hard to explain that I was a strigoi not allergic to the sun.

I went quickly but quietly down the stairs and put a bomb down there. I knew it was originally planned that I would start from the end but it was too risky since it would make me stay twice as long, walking up and down.

Now I'll just walk down the different tunnels, setting the bombs and when I'll reach the end, I'd just press the button and bye, bye fuckers!!

I walked calmly as I set the bombs, I did cross paths with a couple of strigoi, but I didn't even attract their attention.

_The gypsy magic really does kick ass!! _I thought pleased that everything went smoothly for once.

There were a lot of doors along those tunnels and I got to peek in some that were open. There were many, many strigoi, even more than I thought at first. I was glad that Kashka stopped me yesterday as it was really stupid, and I wouldn't have made it down the first hall! I would have been dead not even keeping my promise to Dimitri.

_Useless from the beginning to the end! _I thought angry at myself.

As I continued my task, I could see that there were also some humans and willing moroi there too

_Well they'll be collateral damage _I thought without any guilt. _They are not worth much anyways…working with the enemy_.

Here I was, facing the wall of the last tunnel, the _cul de sac_, one of the walls that separated the tunnels of the two warehouses. All the bombs were set and ready to blow.

I took the switch out and turned it on.

And that's when it all happened! So many things happened in just, what was probably, a couple of seconds but it was so clear and precise to me that it seemed like it lasted so much longer. I was so aware of my surrounding.

I had my thumb on the button.

_Goodbye Dimitri I love you. I hope we'll meet up in Heaven. _I said in a low voice.

At this instant the blond vampire, the one I scarred with my stake got out of a room at the end of the corridor and looked at me taken aback. At least I'd get to look into his eyes while I died.

I smiled to him and gave him the middle finger with my free hand.

_I hope you'll enjoy the fire! _I thought pressing the button.

At this instant, I heard a growl from behind me and a deafening sound coming from both in front and behind me.

I could see the fire 'ball' coming my way as an arm wrapped around my waist. And suddenly, I was flying away from the fire.

I realized that the noise behind me was the wall being destroyed, and I wasn't flying but it was a strigoi running down the other tunnels, running so fast that it felt like flying, but as fast as it was running, I could see the fire catching up with us but I didn't care, I couldn't help but smiling as I was hearing the agonizing screams of the burning strigoi.

_It worked!! Thanks god it worked!!! I did it! _I thought with tears in my eyes. _You will destroy that which is undead. Mission accomplished!! _I thought as I felt we were going up some stairs.

The strigoi threw me against the wall. I don't know if it intended to throw me that hard but boy the side of my head hit the wall full strength. It was hurting and I could feel the blood dripping against my cheek and neck.

I was blinded by the shock but I could imagine what it was doing by the noise and because I did got a peek of the room before hitting the wall as that room was almost the exact replica of the back room of the warehouse I just blew up.

He closed the metallic trap on top of the stairs, and threw the heavy metallic files case on top of it then, he ran to crouch in front of me like a shield, which was super odd.

_Why would a strigoi protect me? _I thought confused by both this idea and the pain in my head. I probably had a major brain haemorrhage.

At this instant the explosion reached up but it was a lot less powerful as we were more than half a mile away but the flames stopped only half a feet away from where we were.

And then it was over, it was silent all of the sudden, so silent that it was almost eerie. I could only hear my panted breathing and a low buzzing sound in my ears.

I could make the shape of the strigoi but my vision was impaired by the shock, I wasn't able to see like a dhampire right now, maybe just like a normal human.

He relaxed slightly and stood up as I brought my hand to my head injury that was still bleeding.

I groaned, at this instant the Strigoi talked as he realized I was hurt.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Said the voice angrily. "That freaking ghost is really useless!!" He snorted. "His only job was to keep you away… to keep you safe and here you are!"

My eyes opened wide. I recognized the voice, that voice made my heart beat faster and this time it wasn't a dream. No dream could be that uncomfortable.

"It's…. I…. Dim…Dimitri? Dimitri it's you?" I asked reaching for the electric torch I had inside my vest.

When I turned it on and directed to him my heart sank.

"Well… a version of him I suppose" he replied looking at me with his strigoi eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

**A.N: **Hey guys!! I was speechless with all the reviews i received for the last chapter. Thank you SOOOO much. I mean i can't find the right words to express how i'm grateful!! So here is one of the more emotional chapter ( for me) so far. I really hope you will enjoy it since it was hard for me to write believe me.

Oh, on another note i wanted to tell you that i'll post my new story tomorrow as i found a beta for it. It is a lot lighter and take place at the end on Frost bite. I hope you'll check it out!!

Well big kudos to you soon. Don't forget to review!!

Hughsies, xoxo

**Chapter 12:**

I didn't know what to say, I opened my mouth two or three times to speak but closed it again without a word.

What could you say to the evil version of the love of your life? The version you came here to kill, and as it turned out, he was the one saving your life one more time?

My thoughts jumped to Guardian Tanner during his quest to take down Mrs. Karp. What the story don't say is that they both went down during this fight.

At the time I blamed him for being reckless for not understanding that she was not herself anymore but now…I didn't know what to think as I looked at Dimitri standing before my eyes with a ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

"Ah Roza…_RAdost'MoyA _. Still the same but also so, so different." He said not moving from before me, his eyes fixed on my face. "My memory of you didn't render you justice you know… you are far more beautiful, but…" he took a small step forward, "your eyes… you are so different too." He shook his head "you have lost the rest of hope and peace of mind you had." He said just as matter of fact.

A strigoi was supposed to be driven by bloodlust, pain and destruction more than anything else. They were not supposed to go around saving people!! Especially people who just destroyed at least 70 of its kind.

"Why?" I asked stupidly not even bothering to develop more.

"Why what?" He asked cocking his head on the side but I could clearly see that he had understood my question.

"Why did you save me?" I insisted. "You're….You're a strigoi!" I added.

"Thank you I didn't notice that!" He said sarcastically making me feel stupid.

I was trying to stand, to face him. I felt too subordinate on the floor and I hated that. It was harder than I thought to stand. My head was throbbing and I was feeling so dizzy.

_How much blood did I lose already? _Plus my back was hurting like hell and I didn't even have a remote idea on the reason why.

_Being thrown against a wall is bound to have some consequences you idiot!! _I thought trying to help myself up by using the wall behind me as support.

Dimitri sighed and took two more steps forward to help me up, but as soon as his hand touched me, I cringed away from his contact.

He raised his hands in surrender probably seeing the disgusted in my eyes and went back to his initial position.

There was disgust in my eyes but it was not only directed to him. I was disgust of the fact that I was facing that strigoi in particular but even more disgusted by myself knowing that I was longing for this touch, Strigoi or not.

I was finally up supporting myself, my back against the wall.

"Why?" I asked again stubbornly.

"I see some things never change," he said probably thinking about my stubbornness. "Well…" He started thinking on what to say next. "You know sometime you want to change but even when you do your best, and as hard as you try to change, some part of your personality or reactions can never adjust no matter how hard you tried?" He asked.

I nodded thinking on how hard I tried not to love him. It was a useless, time consuming effort as far as I was concerned.

"When you are awaken, sometimes," he shrugged "very rarely in fact, a part of the old you … a part that was so deep and powerful stays inside you and it… it becomes a kind of weakness really." He smiled at me. "Sometime it's the tremendous love of a parent for his child." He said

It made me think of Lucas and Moira Oreza who took some stupid risks to get Christian back and it cost their lives.

"Sometime it's the love of a child for his parents" he continued still scrutinizing my face.

This time I thought of Strigoi Natalie following her dad, Victor, orders.

"And sometime…." He stopped till he was sure that he had my complete attention.

"Sometime it's a love so consuming that you can't erase it. It's what they call 'true love' you know" he said with a snort. "Like I needed that!" He added with defeat.

My jaw dropped.

"But here it is, still inside of me. This love eating me up…" he shook his head with disgust "and I can't do anything about it. You're my Roza and probably always will be."

Dimitri still loved me? _Strigoi_ Dimitri still loved me?? How was I supposed to deal with that? It would have been so much easier to deal with him if I could see only hate toward me, if he was trying to kill me, but he was just there, standing in front of me, talking like he did in the old days!

_Andre… _I thought it was random but not that much. _'That freaking ghost is really useless!!' _that's what he said! I frowned. "You… you sent Andre?" I asked incredulous.

He nodded.

"But you couldn't! Strigoi can't control magic!"

He chuckled. "No we can't but some humans can!" He said mockingly. "I asked one of our… umm … partner, a psychic, to summon Andre and as undead I can see ghosts. I…." he shrugged again as to reduce the importance of what he had done. "I asked him to help me to keep you save, to keep you as far from us as possible. He agreed as I didn't want to have a Mikhail/Sonia situation but…." he groaned "he proved himself as useless dead than when he was a pompous royal."

"But… you wanted to keep me away because -" I started

"Because I knew that, if this day came, only one of us would make it out alive." He said coldly enough to raise goose bumps on my neck. "Or maybe none of us, who knows, and maybe, it's not that bad to come to terms with this whole situation after all."

How could I fight him? There was still a part of Dimitri inside of this evil creature. It was impossible!

"Well I have the option of turning you" he said nonchalantly. "But I know how much you hate the idea of becoming what I am even if honestly, it's not that bad but…. I love you too much to impose you that state."

"Where are you going with that?" I asked dreading to understand only too well where it was heading.

"I'm making you one in a lifetime offer Roza" he said all humor gone. "Join me" he said reaching out for me. "You just have to say one word and we'll be together forever because as much as I love you…" he shook his head. "I won't go down without a fight."

I looked at him for a couple of second taking aback. Only one question could decide me.

"One thing…" I said standing as straight as I could. "If I had any ways at all to reverse the process" I said trying to sound ambiguous. "Would you accept to come back to me?"

He looked deep into my eyes for a minute through narrowed eyes and shook his head. "No" he said sincerely. "I've got too much fun!! Being the sheriff is sooooo lame!! The outlaw has a lot more fun!" He added sincerely.

I sighed in defeat. My Dimitri was dead, I was sure of it now. I was coming first with my Dimitri…Always. Maybe some of the love he had for me did remain but it was soiled, sick and twisted now.

I felt like the stake at my belt was growing bigger and bigger like saying '_take me out and stake him damn it!! DO IT!!'_

"So Roza… are you joining me?" He asked with a sardonic smile as he already knew my answer.

"It's join or fight right?" I asked trying to sound far more detached as I felt my heart breaking more and more that the seconds kept going. I will be trying to kill the love of my life in less than five minutes, I almost couldn't breath anymore.

"Well I could make a long speech but you've got the general idea." he said bowing his head slightly

I brought my hand to my belt. "So it's fight Dimitri because," I took the stake into my hand "I rather die than become Strigoi and the real Dimitri would have known that."

He laughed. "You're so brave! Stupid… but brave Roza. Like always." He smiled and took a defensive position. "That's why I love you; I wouldn't want you any other way!"

I tried to jump on him but he dodged me and I felt a sharp pain just under the right side of my jaw line. I brought my hand to it instantly and felt it was wet. He cut me with his nails, as sharp as a knife.

_That's gonna leave an ugly scar _I thought stupidly since, with an already pretty serious injury at my temple and the injury under my jaw I wouldn't stand one round against someone as lethal as him and I knew it.

I tried to attack him again, with all the despair I had, but this time, he had his hand around my neck before I even got a chance to blink and he kept my hand holding the stake locked tightly on my side.

"You're going to die Roza, but…." He looked almost pained by the fact "I know it's only a small consolation, but I will never forget you and a part of me will always be yours as small as that part could be. _Ya bUdu vsegdA lyubIt' tebyA" _

I closed my eyes and let some tears run quietly down my cheeks. I was about to die to the hands of the man I loved more than anything, the same man I would have given my life for. It was so ironic… almost epic!

In this instant, the little wooden door keeping us away from the main part of the warehouse, literally burst into flames letting the sun in. Dimitri was surprise enough to let go of my hand, and it was when, with the little strength I had left, that I drove the stake into his chest, straight to the heart.

I felt a sharp pain into my chest as if I was staking myself. He let go of my neck and I felt on my knees gasping for air.

I saw his body fall on the floor lifeless when…

"No!!!" I heard someone shout. _Lissa? _I thought as I was sure I was loosing my mind now.

But the suddenly bright light was blinding me and all I could make out were black shapes hurrying in the room.

The throbbing pain in my head was increasing and I started to feel colder and colder.

I could see one of the '_shape'_ run and kneeling beside Dimitri's body. And another came to stand in front of me.

"What are you doing? Come here!!" Shouted the voice that I was pretty sure was Lissa now.

_What the hell is she doing here? _I thought annoyed.

"Adrian!" She shouted with urgency. "We don't have much time left. Come on!"

_Adrian? _I was still kneeling down looking at the floor now.

"But... She'll get over it… Over him. She was strong enough to stake him" said Adrian and I made out he was the shape standing before me. "She'll get better. I… I can make her happy. We're not even sure it's going to work anyway!" He added the voice shivering.

"We have to try, we owe her that much!! And you have to move… NOW!" Lissa shouted. "Maybe it won't work but if you don't try she will never forgive you, do you understand? She'll hate you and I swear to god I'll make sure she knows it all."

I heard him growl and get away from in front of me.

The buzzing sound in my ears was getting louder and louder as the pain in my head was increasing to a point that it felt like my brain was about to explode. I also noticed that the blood was continuing to slowly drip from my injuries as I had my eyes on the little blood puddle forming.

_How much blood does a human have? _I thought now feeling the floor under my hands.

"She's hurt! Oreza take care of her" I heard someone yell but I couldn't recognize the voices anymore it was like I had cotton plugs in my ears.

I was numb now too; no more pain….Anywhere… Thank god! I just wanted to sleep for a while.

Someone kneeled beside me and tried to remove hair from my face.

"It's pretty bad! We need help now." Said the person that I imagine was Christian.

"Let me die" I whispered to him between two sobs as I just realized I was crying. "I don't want to live anymore I'm tired. Please, please let me die." I said breathless now feeling the cement floor against my cheek.

_I gained redemption… I'm going to see my Dimitri again _I thought closing my eyes.

"Never!" That's the last think I heard before everything went black.


	13. Chapter 13

**A.N: **Hey guys! I was speechless with all the reviews i had for chapter 12 ( not an easy thing to do i tell you that now lmao). Thank you guys for your support. Those reviews help me going on.

Don't forget to check my other story "Expect the Unexpected" i'm having lot's of fun writing it. ( chapter 2 will be posted tomorrow)

Well thank again! DOn't forget to review....**SHOW ME SOME LOVE** lol

Hugsies, Steffy

**Chapter13:**

_Beep… beep… beep… beep… boy that noise was annoying! _I thought but I couldn't help but to repeat this sound pattern in my head over and over again. _Beep beep beep…. Such an odd dream_ I thought.

After a little while, I realized that this beeping sound was keeping pace with my heart rate.

_This isn't good! _I thought as my heart rate accelerated at the same time than the beeps.

"Rosemarie?" I heard a voice coming from very close beside me, but it was very hard to concentrate, and it was also almost impossible to open my eyes. It seemed that my eye lids were weighting a thousand pounds.

"Rosemarie can you hear me?" I heard again, this time with urgency in the voice.

_Dr. Olendzki? _I thought surprised. _What the hell is happening here?_

"Rosemarie, sweetie, squeeze my hand if you can hear me." She added putting a hand on my forehead and putting the other one under my own hand for me to squeeze.

_What does she want that for? _I thought as I now used all my strength to open my eyes. I finally managed to open them up just a little bit. It was like when I gave my super narrow stare but the brightness of the light bulb was still blinding me.

I groaned _man! How long have I been asleep for? _I thought, but when I tried to word that thought out, it stayed stuck in my throat that was painful and dry.

"Oh Rosemarie!" She said her voice full of relief as she leaned down so her face was just above mine. "You are really strong! One of a kind" she said with actual admiration.

_Admiration from Olendzki?! It was like expecting a declaration of love from Stan Alto! _I thought trying to swallow but it was too painful, I winced.

"Do you want some water?" She asked reaching for a jug of water and pouring a glass for me.

I nodded.

She helped me to half sit putting an arm behind my back to steady me as I was so stiff and brought the glass to my lips.

I brought my hand up to try to reach for the glass but I felt a big bandage on the right side of my face, just under my jaw.

_How did I get hurt? _I wondered trying to wake up my memory as I felt that my brain was in a haze. The water felt so good down my throat it was like living again.

At this instant I opened my eyes wide. _Dimitri! Tualatin! He hurt me but…._I couldn't remember what I did next, but I remembered who showed up exactly when I needed it.

"Lissa…" I whispered. "Is she ok?" I asked with pleading eyes.

Doctor Olendzki smiled. "Yeah she is just fine," she said with a soothing tone. "She left about 30 minutes ago." She looked at the watch "you know except for maybe two hours per day you were never alone." She said nicely stroking my hair without even thinking about it. "They didn't want you to wake up alone." She chuckled "They slightly messed up there but they will be mad at me since I'm the one imposing an hour the morning and one hour in the afternoon for medical purposes."

"How…" I drank a bit more and she helped me back on the pillow, but lifted the bed for me to be on a more comfortable slightly sat position.. "How long have I been here?" I asked sounding like a chain smoker.

"It has been two weeks Rose." she said uncomfortably.

"Two…_Weeks!?!_" I said the last word in such a high voice that it sounded like a squeal.

"You were really badly hurt Rose." She said seriously "both physically and mentally." She added sitting down in the chair beside me taking my hand. "You made it at the hospital just in time. It's almost a miracle you survived with all the blood you've lost, the brain haemorrhage-"

_I knew that! _I thought with some pride then feeling silly to be happy that I guessed that I actually did suffer from a brain haemorrhage. _You really are damaged! _I thought.

"The injury on your neck was really serious too you know. It almost severed your artery." She added all doctor like.

"Why am I here?" I asked as it didn't make sense. I was not a member of the academy anymore.

She carefully placed a glass of water into my hand and I noticed the IV in the back of it.

"Once they stabilized you well..." She shrugged "you were in a coma but it was only partially due to your injuries themselves. It was also," she cleared her throat. "Sometime it's your brain you see… When it had enough, when it just can't deal anymore well it just turn off for a while, to rest" She said still stroking my hand mechanically.

"Huh… like a Brain strike?" I asked.

"Yeah" she chuckled. "Something like that. It can last a day but some… Some people never come back." she added and I saw in her eyes that she feared that would be the case for me without actually wording it out loud.

"Your friends didn't want to leave you behind. I think they needed you and knew that you needed them too so, once you were stable enough and not in need to so much medical care anymore, we brought you back here." She counted mentally. "You've been here for 10 days now and as I said you were almost never alone."

I nodded but couldn't help but ask myself why Lissa didn't heal me, physically at least. Was she just too mad at me to do so?

"You know you are pretty lucky to have so many people who care about you and they just love you so much," she said sincerely. "They were so, so worried. This experience changed everyone." She added.

I knew there was much more under that little statement but I decided to drop it for now. I would probably find out soon enough.

"They never left my side?" I asked with tears in my eyes. _But I did leave them!! Of course I did!!_ I thought as guilt showed up again… geez I surely didn't miss that feeling.

Doctor Olendzki nodded. "Yeah… one at the time, keeping you company. Talking, reading, just being there…" She cocked her head to the side. "Princess Vasilisa, Mr. Ivashkov, Mr. Oreza, Your mother,…" She added shooting me a sideway glance and then continued "Guardian Castile -"

"What?" I asked cutting her off surprised. "Eddie's dad kept me company?" I asked frowning. Eddie was one of the rare dhampir to have a Moroi for mother and a dhampir for a father but I didn't know his father. "That's….nice?" I said in a tone that sounded like a question as I didn't know what to think.

She laughed. "No not Eddie's Father." She shook her head. "Eddie Himself" she said. She probably saw the confused look on my face. "Well when you…left." She said uncomfortably "They made him graduate early and assigned him to the Princess with your mother you know... Just for now."

I nodded even if I knew that I will not reprise the spot even if they actually did offer it to me. I didn't feel like a guardian anymore. This part of me died. And I was happy that Eddie was Lissa's guardian because he was really taking his responsibilities to heart and he truly cared about her too, he was probably the best out there for her.

"Graduations are next Wednesday, so a week from tomorrow" she said as she thought I would be interested. "Well..." She padded my hand. "I will let you rest for now." She looked at the clock. "Your next friend will be here in 18 minutes" she said so seriously that I wondered what kind of weird routine they did set up while I was out.

_I just hope it's not an annoying one like Christian or- _I started to think

"It's Mr. Ivashkov turn" she added standing up.

_Of course it was Adrian!! Who else huh? Karma is a bitch! _I thought annoyed.

As I saw her opening the door I decided to ask her for a favor.

"Is it possible for you to keep that to yourself? Just a little while longer. I... I just need to think." I asked louder than before as the water helped a lot.

"Well…. I guess…" She said not happy about that. "But I will not be able to keep Mr. Ivashkov from the room. He is a mess since you came back and believe me I would be too scared to try and stop him! He could actually bite my head off." She added, and I could see, when she shivered, that she was only slightly exaggerating.

"Don't worry I can handle Adrian" I said calmly. "Just please don't go around advertising. Not just yet." I added pleading.

She sighed in rendition, nodded and left the room.

I took a deep breath and turned my face to concentrate my attention to the heart monitoring system. Following the ECG pattern helped me to stay calm and focused.

I knew that the strigoi attack would change things it was when… 7 weeks ago? Wow… it seemed that it was another lifetime.

_Could everything change in so little time? _I thought incredulous. I knew it took a lot less for a person to change; _it took me less than 5 minutes to change…. Seeing the strigoi taking Dimitri down the cave…it was like yesterday_. The beeping sound became much faster at once

I sighed and my heart rated decreased slowly. _Yeah Rose. Calm down. _I thought. _You just woke up. You'll know everything. You just need time._

I was lost in my thought when I heard the door opening. I turned my head to face it and that's when my eyes connected with Adrian's.

"Oh!" He shouted and it looked like he was about to faint under the surprise and relief.

I stayed frozen as his eyes slowly filled up with tears.

"Oh Rose…" He whispered his voice strangled trying to hold back the sobs.

"It's only been 5 weeks since I left." I said with a small smile as I hated myself for hurting them. "You already forgot how I look like huh?" but he looked so different, older somehow, and the dark purple circles under his eyes showed his agitation and lack of sleep.

He threw the book he was holding in a chair as he ran to my side, putting his hands delicately on each side of my face and scrutinizing my eyes as to make sure it wasn't a dream.

"Oh Rose…".He sighed closing his eyes and resting his forehead against mine. "I knew you would come back but they doubted… but I knew. I knew if someone could pull out of it, it was you." He added opening his eyes again to look into mine. "So strong, you're so, so strong." he added in a whisper.

I started to feel a little bit uncomfortable with Adrian that close of me, to share what was such an intimate moment with a man who, unfortunately, didn't own my heart. His words were the one's I've heard what seemed a century ago by the man who still owned my heart and probably would till my last breathe.

Adrian probably felt my discomfort as he pulled away, gently kissed my forehead and sat beside me, taking my hand in both of his.

"You've never been more beautiful." He said sincerely kissing my palm and brought my hand on his cheek like he had a vital need of this contact, he leaned on it.

"You are a real gentleman." I said trying to joke and consequently reducing the intimacy of this reunion. "I'm sure I look like shit." I said trying to pat my hair which was clearly a haystack on top of my head. "Have you seen the '_night of the living dead'_?" I asked rhetorically. "I'm pretty sure I'll be the one the zombies would run away from." I snorted.

He smiled at me. "From you? Never! You always look like an angel." He said smiling kindly while keeping my hand on his face.

"So you brought a book huh?" I asked pointing at the book doing my best to change the subject.

"Yeah…" he said letting go of my hand reluctantly to retrieve the book. He sat back as I discreetly brought both my hands on my chest. "I was reading to you" he added uncomfortably.

_Could he get even more considerate? _I thought surprised. _That man is really full of surprises._

"I heard it's good to read to people in a Coma." He shrugged "no big deal you know." He added trying to sound detached.

_It's a big deal to me. _I thought. "And what were you reading me?" I asked curiously.

He looked down at the book and slightly blushed. "'_War and Peace' _by Tolstoy" he finally said. "It's one of my favorite books."

I was taken aback for a second. _Adrian and Tolstoy?? That was shocking! _I laughed. "Man that is such a book…." I shook my head. "Were you actually trying to keep me in a Coma?"

He laughed his throaty laugh that I realized I actually missed a lot. "Nah!" He shook his head. "I hoped it would irritate you so much that you would wake up just to tell me to '_shut the hell up'_!" he said bringing his hand to my cheek and brushing my cheekbone softly with the back of his hand.

"Huh…." I started deciding to ignore this tender gesture. "It was pretty smart actually it could have worked." I added laughing but it was really uncomfortable with the big bandage on my neck.

"Are you okay?" He asked worried seeing me wince. "You want me to call Olendzki?" He added standing up.

"Hey, hey! Calm down!" I said with a soothing tone seeing the panic in his eyes. I really was lucky to be cared about that much. "It's all good I promise."

"Sure?" He asked walking back to stand beside me.

"Yeah it's just the tape," I said with a shrug. "It's pretty uncomfortable but no pain I swear." I said with the biggest smile I could handle.

"Uh…" he said. "Be right back" he said kissing my forehead quickly.

He came back about 10 minutes later.

"Ok I checked out with the doc," he said sitting beside me again. "She'll come a bit later to remove the bandages. You don't need them anymore."

I brought my hand to the bandage on my temple as I almost forgot about this injury.

"OK don't get me wrong, but-" I felt a lot more comfortable to ask this question to him than Lissa. I was sure I would chicken out if it was her. "You came to get me right?" I asked trying to sound very calm.

"Yeah we did." He said with a smile brushing some hair from my face. "Lissa, Christian, Me, Eddie, your mother and…. and Christian's guardian Ben."

_Christian has a guardian now? _I thought surprised but I was pretty sure I'll get to ask about that later. I had more important thing to ask now.

"Ok well…" it was pretty uncomfortable as I was scared to sound ungrateful or so. "Why… Why didn't you try to heal me?" I asked blushing.

"Oh!" He said raising his eyebrows in surprise as he clearly didn't expect that question. "Well…" he looked down at his fiddling hands probably trying to hide his uneasiness. "Well we did try after… But…" he shook his head. "We didn't have enough energy left and then," he shrugged "we're not even fully effective yet."

"Not fully effe---" I stopped. "Oh…" I just added understanding only too well. They both tried to save Dimitri but if it did work he would have been beside me right now that was sure._ Nobody would have been able to keep him away from me. Not now! _I thought sadly. "Oh." I just repeated stupidly nodding. "I get it…" I added not able to hide the immense sadness and despair in my voice.

At that moment Doctor Olendzki came in and asked Adrian to leave us some time as she wanted to remove my bandages.

We both expected Adrian to argue but he just nodded saying he was going to wait for Lissa to finish her class and tell her the wonderful news. It was like he was happy to go which was so not Adrian's style.

After he left, the doctor removed the bandages and seemed pretty pleased with the scars. She promised that if I kept doing that well she would take the IV off tomorrow.

She gave me a small mirror before leaving pretty fast.

"Man… that ugly huh?" I whispered to myself.

I looked at my temple scar first. It was pretty small which was surprising with the amount of blood I've lost but it was true that the head injuries were pretty impressive usually. Many, many blood vessels, lots of blood. That scar was shaped as a small lighting.

_I'm Harry Potter's long lost sister!! _I thought giggling to myself. _Dorky much? I loved those movies…. Guilty pleasure like Narnia… Prince Caspian was pretty hot. _I shook my head with a smile

But that smile faded as soon as I saw the scar under my jaw. It was not that long nor even that ugly and I was pretty sure that in a short time nobody would even notice it anymore but it was permanent I thought sadly bringing my hand to it.

A permanent reminder of the fact that the love of my life did try to kill me.

The permanent reminder that I travelled for three weeks to kill the only man I ever loved.

"Like I had a chance to ever forget." I murmured with a sighed.

I heard a light knock on the door and plastered a big smile on my face.

_Act… Pretend well for Lissa. She deserves peace! _I thought looking at the door.

"Come in!" I said on the cheeriest tone I could manage. "Hey Li-" I started to say but then stopped as a man stepped into my room with a wide smile on his face.


	14. Chapter 14

**A.N: **Hey guys!!

I know I've been evil at the end of the last chapter and I'm pretty sure none of you guessed who it was…I mean come on don't you know me by now lol. Dimitri? It would have been just too "easy" =)

Anyways I just felt speechless with all the reviews that you so much!!! I mean my beta didn't get back to me and well I went around begging to get this chapter ready for you! You are so cute with me!! I also made it extra long

Well… Just so you know I have written 5 more chapters and believe me there is still a lot of secrets to be reveal…….

Enjoy and don't forget to **REVIEW**

Love you guys!!! You are fantastic!!

**Chapter 14: **

"Guardian Castile! What an honor!" I said trying to sound impressed, but I couldn't help a genuine grin from spreading across my face.

Eddie sighed and rolled his eyes closing the door. "Boy… you've been awake like 10 minutes and you already heard about that?" he asked grinning too.

"Well to be fair I've been awake about 2 hours really," I said pointing at the clock. I laughed, "but it is true I heard that about ten minutes after."

He laughed; friendly kissed the top of my head and sat beside me.

"You look good guardian Hathaway," he said patting my hand softly. "You scared us you know that?" He added seriously and as I saw a shadow pass through his eyes I only knew too well that he was thinking about Mason.

Eddie was still a happy guy, but far away from the doofus he was before all the drama hit us. In fact the drama we faced made him the perfect guardian for Lissa, he knew only too well what to expect outside those walls. He had stared in the evil eyes of those strigoi so yeah… he was one of the few that I would trust Lissa's life with.

"I'm not a guardian… just yet…" I added in such a tone that Eddy looked at me with wonder. He was perceptive with me; I had to be more careful. "Let me see your tattoo," I said changing the subject. "I mean an early graduate? I'm so lucky!!" I added sticking my tongue out.

He groaned, but turned in his chair his back at me so I could see his guardian tattoo, then he turned to face me. "No, Actually I'm the one whose honored guardian Hathaway," he said again and this time the term made me frown.

_Why on earth he is stubbornly calling me guardian? _I thought as my heart rate increased slightly, but Eddie seemed oblivious ready to continue.

"I mean come on girl you are a legend now!" He said taking my hand. "You'll be textbook material in no time," he added seriously. "Everyone knows about you! I think every single moroi and dhampire has heard your name by now."

I scrutinized his face as I expected him to burst into laugher and shout a _"gotcha_" but it never happened. "What's this shit Eddie? I mean --what?" I asked in a daze.

"Well you saved the Moroi future with your early warning, they were all ready to take the strigoi, and it made a huge difference! Based on their research the tunnels you destroyed in Tualatin contained at least 90 Strigoi, which made that the biggest kill in history!" He smiled like he was so proud of me, like '_soccer mom proud'_. "And you were the first in like forever to fight side by side with a moroi against strigoi and you're also the one who convinced to build the "army" that will count moroi as fighters." He mocked punched my shoulder. "Everything changed because of you and you're a guardian, they made you a guardian in absentia at the same time as me, but they dated it from the Strigoi attack so we've both officially been guardians for about 7 weeks."

"How is that possible??" I asked as my heart rate increased by the second. _I was a star? Now that I only wanted to be forgotten and live separate from my kind I was famous? Man if there was a god he probably really hated me!!_

Eddie noticed the increase in the heart rate this time as the beeping sound was almost permanent and so annoying.

"Hey calm down Rose it's all good… I promise everything is just fine," he said in a soothing tone.

"I…. yeah…" I said closing my eyes and taking some deep breaths. _That's gonna be one pain in the ass _I thought as my heart rate decreased.

He looked at me worried. "Maybe…maybe I should go and let you rest, you know…Lissa will be done with her classes in 30 minutes and Adrian is waiting for her to announce the good news." He stood up.

I reached for his hand "No please stay!" I said with urgency. I didn't want to think now, not just yet. "How... How did you find out I was awake?" I blurted out the first question that came to mind, as I wanted him to stay.

He looked at me with concern again, but smiled kindly and sat down. He understood what I wanted. I didn't need that many word with Eddie.

"Well I just finished with my group and I saw Adrian walking across the lawn." He shrugged, "as soon as I saw his face I knew that Rose Hathaway was back," he said with a little chuckle.

_His group? _I thought, but concentrated on another thing since I knew that would be a long story. "His face?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah it was like," he tried to think how to word it out. "He was a zombie going in the hospital and when I saw him, all the happiness and relief shown his face. It was so clear!" Said Eddie simply stating the facts.

I grimaced. "He convinced himself he is in love with me. He's delusional." I added, as I truly believed that. _He is just obsessed because I'm one of the few he can't have and I'm bad, bad as one of his many addictions. _I shook my head. "He should totally talk to the Psychiatrist!"

"Well it's a pretty good delusion then since he went to the Queen and all," he blurt out becoming white in an instant regretting to have leaked that info.

"Like I needed that!" I said sighing. "She hates me enough!" I added really annoyed at Adrian. "He goes around like that I'm not even with him!"

"The Queen? Hating you??" He asked arching his eyebrows in surprise. "Not anymore! I told you everything has changed Rose." He added seriously. "Since you became such a big hero, the Queen is like the president of your fan club!!" He said not even joking. "I'm pretty sure that she wouldn't be more than happy to organize the wedding if you wanted Adrian!"

"So shallow!!" That's all I said. I didn't know what I could add to that.

"You have no idea…" He said disgusted as he valued honesty almost as much as I did, we both hated false pretences.

"So you have a _'group'_?" I wondered curiously.

He then started to explain me how Christian and I changed the face of the educational system. Now Moroi over 16 could take optional fighting classes and technical defense with guardians. They could also take some classes to learn attack with magic too and that Christian signed up to be a teacher with his aunt Tasha, which made me wince, but I tried to hide it as much as I could.

Facing Tasha was going to be hard now that she knew why Dimitri refused her offer. Was she angry? Would she blame me for his death? Of course she would! And that would be only fair.

He also told me that with the parent agreement Moroi could take those classes from age 12.

He explained me how Lissa and Adrian managed to regroup a class of Spirit users from every institution. They were 15 now staying at St Vladimir and working together, and that they were able to do amazing things. They had both Lissa and Adrian as tutors. Eddie went through that quickly and I could guess that there was a lot more under it, but I knew that I would find out soon enough.

I asked him about the researches they made about saving the strigoi. At this question he started to fidget on his chair and was very evasive on how '_apparently_' (he used that word a lot) Lissa started the research as soon as we found out about Dimitri being strigoi, how with some guardians' connections (the way he said it, with the sidelong glance, totally meant 'Janine Hathaway') she obtained some primary sources from the middle east.

At the instant, the door of the room flew open, and Lissa threw herself on the bed, starting to sob heavily in the crook of my neck.

"Shush Lissa it's ok…. everything will be okay…" I said soothing her gently stroking her hair. "I'm here and awake," I added kissing the top of her head.

"Oh Rose!! How was I even supposed to live without you?" She asked between two sobs keeping her face in my neck.

Eddie stood up uncomfortable to witness such an intimate moment, but also so relieved to be off the hook. That made me think that they were hiding something even bigger than I thought.

_Huh…._ My eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Well I'll see you later." He said waving to me.

"Could you keep her away a bit more please?" I asked him still stroking Lissa's hair as she kept sobbing in my neck. My hospital gown was soaking wet on the shoulder now, sticking to my skin. "I'm not ready to deal with all the judgmental speech crap and she will do it eventually," I added biting my lip.

He knew who I was talking about and nodded with a small smile. "Well I'll do my best, but the woman is terrifying."

"So I've been told," I said with a low chuckle as he left the room.

Lissa and I stayed like that for 5 more minutes before her sobs finally calmed down. She raised her head but stayed beside me on the bed.

She dried her eyes with the back of her hand and blew her nose very loudly.

"Very lady like…" I said with a chuckle trying to ease the tension.

She chucked too and rested her head by mine on the pillow.

"I missed you…" That's all she said, but I didn't need more as all her emotions were traveling from her body to mine. It was a huge happiness, relief, love, but very deep there was a black feeling that I couldn't comprehend yet.

Things seemed to be all the same, but also so so different. It had only been 5 weeks since I crossed the gates of St Vlad, but it seemed to be a century ago.

"I missed you too Liss…So much." I added looking at the ceiling, but I could feel her eyes on my neck like burning me.

"I'm sorry," she said the voice shivering again. "I shouldn't have said the things I said when you left. I was just angry and scared Rose I…I didn't mean any of it."

I turned my body a little, and it was harder then I thought it would be. It seems like every muscle of my body was stiff, but I did it nevertheless trying my best to hide how difficult it was. As soon as I was more or less on my side, I wrapped my free hand around her waist.

"I know you didn't mean." I said nicely rubbing her back. "Sometimes you say things out of anger that you don't mean. I wasn't angry Liss…. Not even for a minute I know you," I added sincerely. Lissa was good to the core! She wouldn't wish bad stuff and we all knew that.

She raised her head and kept staring at the spot under my jaw, on the scar. She winced and gently, very softly brushed her fingertips on top of it, but even if the touch was as soft as a feather, it left a burning tickling sensation.

"I… I could try to make it disappear," she said with uncertainty, as I knew she wasn't fully effective yet and that she never really tried to remove a healed injury trace before.

She cupped the scar with her hand and closed her eyes. I felt the magic pass through our bond, but I removed her hand quickly and she opened her eyes wide with surprise.

"No it's ok Lissa." I said gently. "I…I want… I need to keep it." I added turning to rest on my back again.

"But I can try…" she said with a little voice.

"Nah everything will be all right you'll see." I said trying to calm all the worries I could feel.

Suddenly I felt shame in her as she gently got up from the bed. "Geez you're the one hurt and all that…" she sat on the chair Eddie sat before, "and I'm the one who needs to be looked after." She added blushing lightly.

"It's ok Liss," I said taking her hand and squeezing it. "I don't mind at all."

"But it's ok now." She said with a smile. "Now you're back and everything will be right again." She added with so much confidence that it broke my heart a little.

"So you are staying here then." I asked changing subject. "What about college?" I asked really curious.

"Oh its ok! Lehigh do distance learning." She said happy to be on that subject. "Both Christian and I are going to be distant learning for at least a year you know…" She shrugged "at least to make sure that everything is set correctly and running smoothly."

At the instant there was a light rapping at the door and Christian appeared letting the door open.

"Sorry to interrupt you girls, but Lissa we need to go back there is a meeting starting soon," he said walking up and standing beside Lissa. "Looking good Hathaway," he said with a grin.

I looked at him and gave him an evil smile. "I guess Kirova is really desperate to make you a teacher," I said trying to sound serious, _man I missed teasing Christian_.

"Well yeah just like the moroi society for making you a guardian!" He snapped back.

It felt so good to have my favorite smart ass around me!

"Christian!" Chastised Lissa scowling at him.

"But she started it!" He said pointing at me.

"Yeah well…" Lissa shook her head "Still!" She added still scowling

"Yep…. It's the coma chick privileges!" I said with irony. "At least I gained something from it."

"Well I can do that too then! Just read me the book Adrian brought," he said pointing at the book on my nightstand "and I'm pretty sure I'll be in a deep coma in 2 chapters."

Lissa's jaw dropped, as she felt bad he was making fun of my situation, but it was exactly why I needed Christian as a friend. _HE_ was the only one not pretending, and acting like he always did.

"Bitchy!!" I said chuckling. "I missed that you know!" He laughed with me as Lissa looked from one to the other finally relaxing. "I missed you." I added sincerely and this time he stopped laughing and stared at me with surprise, Lissa did too.

"Oh come on Christian! You can tell me." I said with an alluring tone. "You missed me too huh?"

"Humph…." He just said shrugging crossing his arms on his chest.

"Come on buddy… You can tell me …" I said with a smile "I won't tell anyone."

"Maybe…" He said giving me a sideway glance.

I opened my arms. "Come on… Gimme a hug I know you want to!" I said wiggling my eyebrows. "I'm sure Lissa won't mind?" I said quickly looking at Lissa.

"No I don't mind… you get a freebie," she said doing her best to contain her laugher. It was true that having the two badasses/smartasses of school in an 'argument' was pretty funny.

"I can see it in your eyes big boy!" I added trying to be serious. "Come on give your fighting partner a hug!! I know you want to," I added with a wink.

Christian sighed heavily rolled his eyes, but walked to me to give me a bear hug.

As he was down he whispered to my ear. "We missed you so much Rose. Don't abandon us again. I need my bad ass Rose. We're a family we can't be apart. We are an unusual family, but one nonetheless." And he quickly pecked my cheek before breaking our embrace.

I was speechless of everything I could have expected that wasn't one of them especially coming from Christian. I was worried that he would judge me or hold grudge against me because of the all Dimitri / Tasha situation, but it didn't seem like that.

I nodded slightly and gave him a small smile.

They were blocking the door, but as soon as I heard the voice, I knew who it was even if I didn't know it that well. It was probably the heavy accent that tipped me off too.

"So I heard the little hero was awake!" She said as a grin spread on my face.

I could feel jealousy creeping into Lissa and could help but empathize since I felt the same when Christian entered her life.

"Kashka?" I asked incredulous trying to peek behind Christian, but she walked around to stand at the foot of my bed.

"Who else?!" she said squeezing one of my feet under the cover. "Well you aren't standing up yet, but believe me be ready for a major butt kicking as soon as you'll be half yourself again." She laughed. "I owe you that you little…punk!" She said trying to sound angry, but she clearly wasn't

"Ok..." I said shaking my head. "I'll write that in my calendar no problem. But…" I frowned. "What are you doing here? I mean the Russian FBI MI5 whatever doesn't need you? How can they even continue running without you.?!"

I saw her giving a quick glance to Christian who tried, as discreetly as possible, to shake his head lightly.

I wanted to scream and ask what they were hiding from me and that they were making me super paranoid.

"You suck in history," she said trying to joke, but I could only feel disapproval radiating from her now and the weird thing was that I could also feel that it was not directed at me. "In Russia it was the KGB," she continued, "and I'm inspector in the police not secret services." She shrugged. "I had a lot of holidays to take." She said evasively.

_So frustrating, they are hiding things and lying!! _I thought as the blood pressure increased in the monitor.

Doctor Olendzki chose that moment to check on my vitals and she told them I needed to rest, and that I had enough visit for one day and that I was set to be left alone til the next day.

They were only too happy to comply and after 3 quick kisses they left the room as if someone set their butts on fire.

I looked at the door with narrowed eyes. As soon as I would be able to walk they would have to come clean or there would be a lot of ass kicking going around.

Well at least I wouldn't see my mother because I knew that even if the other abstained themselves from commenting on my relationship with Dimitri and everything that followed, I knew that my mother wouldn't and I didn't feel strong enough to deal with that just yet… not now, not ever.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Doctor Olendzki kept her words and I was off all the machinery and IV in the morning, which felt so good.

Eddie did come to visit pretty early before the class he was teaching. I guess he choose that time slot in order to have an excuse to leave if the conversation turned to a awkward subject, but he did help me to walk a bit into the room as I had some trouble to do it by myself. I needed a bit of support but the doctor assured me that I would be running in no time, just needed my muscles to wake up.

Olendzki asked me not to try to walk on my own just yet and only do it when supervised by someone. I just smiled in response.

I was bored alone in my room as it let my mind wander on pretty painful subjects, so I peeked at Olendzki office, from my bed, from where the blind was open.

_Could she be more dull?!!_ I thought as I finally saw her stand up and leave the building.

I looked around. _Oh screw being reasonable. I have never been reasonable!! _I said standing up very carefully and using the bed, then the chair and then the wall as support as I walked slowly, but stiffly. I opened the door and heard some loud and angry whispers coming from the other side of the corridor, probably one foot or two from the corner.

I walked there and peeked discreetly. It was Kashka and Adrian and they were glaring at each other with anger. They were so involved in their argument that they wouldn't even notice me.

"Oh cry me a River Moroi!" She said to him with anger. "I won't swallow your crap so try it on some mentally challenged girlfriend of yours."

However as I couldn't see Adrian's face and as he whispered way more calmly, but yet still in a threatening way than her I couldn't understand what he was saying.

"I get that!" She said annoyed, "but your intentions are not pure we both know that!" She said pointing at him. "I kept my mouth shut for Vasilisa and Oreza even for Rose herself, but as little I know about her I know that she would want the truth."

Adrian said something throwing his arms in the air. I only managed to hear _'selfish' _and _'cruel'_

"No it's not," she said. "Whatever I won't listen to you anyways. If none of you do it I will. I'll give you 'til graduation and I'll tell her everything." she said crossing her arms over her chest looking at him in defiance. "I'd probably kick your royal Ass in the process, which is only a bonus."

He looked at her and whispered even more quietly.

She laughed. "You tried to use compulsion on me? Really??" She shook her head. "_'You won't tell her anything,'_"she said on a deep baritone voice laughing harder. "You maybe have super compulsion, but I have some tricks of my own govniuk!" She said and I smiled because I knew the meaning of that word. "I've got a charm blocking your magic tricks." She finally looked serious again. "Try that once more and I'll tell her everything now and she wouldn't even look at you again understand?" She added with such a threatening tone that I had a cold shiver run down my spine.

_Boy the scary Russian shit was genetic too then _as she recalled me of Dimitri threatening Victor.

At this instant I heard a very loud throat clearing behind me. It was clearly done to catch my attention, but it caught Adrian and Kashka attentions too and as soon as they saw me they both turned whiter than a ghost.

I turned around and probably dropped two or three shades too.

"Mom?" I said awkwardly keeping my hand on the wall.

I saw her mouth twist in disapproval and the two others left us alone, almost running out.

_Thanks Judas! _I thought angrily.

She sighed, shook her head and helped me to the room and sat me on the bed and stood in front of me.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Okay let's get that over with." I said pleased to have such a steady voice. "You can tell me how irresponsible I was, how disappointed you are, what a shame I am for you, how you reprove what I shared with Dimitri, how it was all childish, immoral and whatever." I said jerking my head up in defiance.

And then, what happened couldn't have been expected even in a million years.

She hugged me tight, kissed the top of my head.

"I'm so sorry for you Rose… So so sorry." She whispered against my temple and that's when I started to cry, my face buried in my mother chest.


	15. Chapter 15

**A.N:** Hey guys!! As I promised here is chapter 15 ( you are so gonna hate me but it's ok lol.)

Firstly I would like to thank you guys for the lovely reviews. You totally get a free hug (isn't worth much but it comes from the heart).

Ok now I would like to apologize if some of you thought that the last chapter was not as good as the others grammar wise.

By the way, if you want to know, I picture Ben as being Jared _"omg super hot"_ Padalecki.

Anyways here is chapter 15 and just to keep you up at night….there are more than one thing to be revealed *wink wink*

And please guys show me some love by reviewing…I need the love*pout* …Ok… Pretty please…??

**ENJOY and REVIEW!!!**

**Chapter 15:**

I've been awake for 4 days now, all dressed up and ready to leave this room that was really starting to drive me crazy.

It was true that I had many visits and even Kirova came to visit me twice. She was all nice and caring it was just spooky, but I let it slide since I would not be humoring her much longer.

Olendzki wanted me to wait for someone to walk me outside, but my persistent whining and childish attitude finally had reason of her patience and she let me go relieved to get rid of me.

_Nice!! I still have this irritating quality! _I thought leaving the building.

I stopped in the middle of the way to the guests' small building and slapped my forehead with the palm of my hand. I didn't know where I was staying actually. I've been told that my belongings would be in a guest room, but not which one. I already tried to phone Kashka but she didn't answer and I knew the others were busy with classes and stuff for at least another couple of hours.

I groaned and reluctantly started to walk in the opposite direction to the administrative building, as Kirova probably knew my room number.

_I swear, if she asks me again to do the speech at the graduation, so help me god, I'll hit her_. I thought losing track of things. I always hated hypocrisies.

I was almost there when I heard a warm voice from behind me.

"Guardian Hathaway?" Said the voice, surprised. "Can I help you with something?"

I rolled my eyes and turned around about to be super bitchy. It was the wrong moment to piss me off, but he had such a warm and kind smile flashing a set of perfect white teeth that I lost my perfectly built _'in your face' _comment.

"I…." I smiled to him as a response but I was pretty sure that my smile was not one tenth of his. "I needed to see Kirova quick."

"Oh!" he said walking forward to shake my hand, his hand were wide and a nice golden color. He was really muscular I realized as I shook his hand. He was different than Dimitri on that. He was bigger, burlier with thick wiry muscles. "I'm sorry but she is not in her office right now she is in class with Ms and Mr. Oreza" he said all business like.

"Great!" I said sarcastically throwing my hands on the air in exasperation. "I'm homeless for a while then." I had a dark laugh. "Well I guess I'll have to wait for the others to have finish their class to tell me where I stay," I added twisting my lips deciding to settle for the little bench under the oak tree.

"Oh but I know which room you are staying in." He said clearly happy to be able to help. "Let me walk you there."

I crossed my arms on my chest and looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes. He had brownish hair with a shaggy haircut, clearly too short to put on a ponytail but also too long to be military. He had baby blue eyes, a very wide, muscular body and chest. He was about 6'3 and about 25.

"Who did you say you were?" I asked a bit more coldly than I wanted to be but I had some trust issues. _Understandable right?_

"Oh I'm sorry!" he said blushing slightly. "How impolite it's of me." He shook his head. "My name is Ben Jonascki I am--"

"Christian's guardian" I said cutting him off relaxing a little.

He nodded in confirmation.

"Well…. Good luck with that!" I said with a chuckle.

He chuckled too. "I'm the one who brought your bag and other belongings to the room so…" He bowed his hand on a very gentlemanly manner. "May I?" he asked showing me the way.

I nodded lazily and walked beside him. After a couple of minute of silence an idea reached me.

"Did…Did Christian asked to spy on me?" I asked on my guards again as it was weird for him to be across campus, in a place where he had no real business.

"Well not really." Said Ben putting his hands in his pockets shooting me a sidelong glance. "They knew that you would try to escape the clinic as soon as you could so they just wanted someone to be there, you know…" He shrugged slightly. "And I wanted to talk to you anyways so…" he smiled "I volunteered." He added lightly.

I stopped at once and stared at him with surprise, he turned to face me too.

"Talk to me? Talk to me why?" I asked, as I was already embarrassed that this stranger witnessed my disgrace in Tualatin.

"Well you're going to be Princess Vasilisa guardian and I'm Mr. Oreza's guardian which means we're going to spend a lot of time together." He smiled again. "I just wanted to get to know you that's all. Know you by yourself not surrounded by everyone."

"I…yeah" I sighed nodding. He shouldn't be the one to know my intentions first.

We were about to start walking again when I saw Kashka walking in the clinic building but not by the main door, which brought to my room but by the little side door which brought you god knows were.

I was about to ask Ben to go there when I heard a voice I hated come from behind me.

"Man what a drag! Rose found a new '_Mentor'_ already" said Jesse with a snort, as I perfectly knew that the way he said mentor had a real different meaning.

I turned around slowly, facing him and his butt licker Ralph.

"Jesse…" I nodded stiffly. "Ralph." I said as they both grinned evilly at me. I knew I would have to deal with stupidity soon enough and I was strong enough, or maybe stupid enough to deal with them. Our love was honest and pure; I had no shame and no regret on that point.

"Good to have you back Rose." He said in a wannabe seductive voice. "IS he _as efficient _as the last one?" Asked Jesse nodding toward Ben as if he was just an object. I could see him contracting just beside me, making fists with his hands.

"I wouldn't know that Jesse but" I smiled to him "the last one was more efficient than you that's for sure." I looked at Ben pretending to explain to him and he seemed eager enough to play the game. "Mr. Zeklos here is lots of words but poor in actions you see." I said as seriously as I could.

Ben nodded pretending to be really interested but I could see in his eyes that he was using all his will power not to burst into laugher. " Lots of words… No actions… Got it." He said like if he was learning a lesson.

"I get it now anyways," Said Jesse trying not to sound touched by my comments but the light blush gave his shame away. "I understand now why you loved tutoring so much!!" He said chuckling. "You tell me if you will be tutoring like he was tutoring you because if it's the case. I would LUUUVVV to stay one more year for you to _'tutor' _me on every angles and positions."

I heard Ben gasp for air and just had the time to bring a hand on his chest to stop him. "You've got too much to loose and this poop worm doesn't deserve it" I said slowly. I only removed my hand when I saw his muscles relax.

Both Jesse and Ralph laughed now, with the new confidence to see that their words did touch us at one level. And that's when they said the only thing that could make me loose it. They touched Dimitri's integrity. "But we get it Rose! The dude had such a reputation I wonder how many girls he did manage to get that way with the all mentoring crap." He laughed looking at Ralph. "I mean how many underage, naive girls did believe his crap huh?" He asked rhetorically "well at least you took him out. Rose 1 the pedophile 0" he said with his thumb up.

That's when I launched myself ready to gauge his eyes out with the desire to probably make Ralph eat them but two strong arms encircled my waist. Boy Ben was fast!

"Don't," he whispered to my ear as I struggled to break free. "You've got too much to loose." He said repeating my own words.

"No I don't!" I shouted with fury "and… and it's worth it anyways just let me go."

Apparently I was scary enough that the two Moroi stopped laughing at once and just stared with wide eyes.

"You better go," said Ben in a raged voice as he was using all his strength to restrain me now. "If you're still here in two minutes I swear I let her loose" he added coldly.

The two moroi stared at each other and backed away almost running.

"Yeah you can run but… I'll get you!!" I shouted in their general direction.

Ben kept hold of me for a couple more minutes as anger was easing. I felt stupid to have reacted as irrationally as I promised to stay calm whatever I heard.

I sighed loudly and stop battling at once.

"Ok…" Said Ben "if I let you go, do you promise to not go all predator on them?" he asked seriously.

"Yeah…yeah" I said as he loosened his grip but stayed alert ready to catch me if I decided to break in a run. "Sorry…" I said slightly ashamed trying to put some order in my cloth. "That wasn't…. right." I said as I didn't find the right way to express my thought which was _'Sorry I did that in front of you I should have waited and then hurt them without any witnesses around.'_

"It's ok," he said relaxing as we started walking to the guest pavilion again. "I've been here only 4 weeks and I already wanted to push his nose inward so many times." He said matter of factly.

"But…how did you end up being Christian's guardian anyways?" I asked as we walked in the pavilion.

"Damn!" I shouted, "How am I supposed to get in huh? I don't have the key!" I added exasperated.

He chuckled and showed me a set of keys he had in his back pocket. "I told you, I was looking for you." He said nicely. "Here…" he said handing me the key.

I smile apologetically. "I really need to control my temper," I said looking down.

"Nobody is perfect. It's sometime very hard to stay in control." He simply said walking down the corridor to my room so, as he had his back at me now, he didn't see my head jerk up and my eyes widen with surprise.

_That was so what Dimitri would have said! _I thought incredulously following him to destination.

When I opened the door I saw my duffle back and sword resting on a corner table and about 4 small boxes on the floor.

_My whole life… _I thought sadly looking at the few things I could call mine.

Ben was standing in the threshold uncomfortably.

"Please come in," I said gesturing to the sofa. "Want something to drink?" I asked looking at the mini fridge.

He nodded and sat fidgeting with his hands.

"So…. " I said giving him a can of coke and taking one for myself. "You and Christian?" I said trying to finish the conversation.

"Well…" he said happy enough to share his life experience with me. At least he was not all secretive mystery dude. He seemed pretty open and honest, it was a good thing. "I was working at the Academy in New Hampshire since about a year, I was teaching the oriental combat techniques when they asked me if I wanted to be Mr. Oreza's guardian as he will be an official teacher of the school and it also gave me the opportunity to teach here too." He said with a shrug.

"Oriental techniques?" I asked curiously. "That's… that's unexpected," I said slightly blushing realizing I sounded mentally challenged.

"Well" he chuckled, "I may be American but I've been educated in the Academy near Ar Ryad as my father was a guardian there and my mother followed him and worked there actually." he said winking.

"Oh… cool." I said wanting to slap myself. But he was only the second dhampir I met that had a Moroi mother.

"So…." He said looking at me straight in the eyes. "When do you intend to say to the princess that you don't intend to be a guardian?" He asked so sure of himself, like I told him that fact.

I coughed as I almost choked on the coke. "What…what did you say?" I asked so shocked.

"I think you heard me." He said nicely but he wasn't smiling anymore. "I did get it outside when you shouted that you had nothing to loose. You didn't even think about Vasilisa one second." He said with slight reproach. "She is expecting you to be with her all the time and…" he shrugged "I think it's not fair to lie and hide stuff form her."

"Yeah like you guys are not hiding something big from me?!" I snapped back coldly. "I was in the coma but I'm not retarded!" I narrowed my eyes. "I'll come clean when you will."

He looked at me calmly. "It's not my role to talk to you about what they are or aren't keeping from you." He said confirming my doubt.

I looked at him a bit longer. "It's big isn't it?" I just asked.

He shrugged but his eyes were confirming that it was even bigger than I imagined. "Every decision comes with its set of consequences Rosemarie." He said calmly putting the can of coke on the coffee table and resting his big hands on his knees. "Some of them were to be expected other are a bit more surprising, but in the end, we have to deal with them and do the best to accept what we did during a much more desperate time." He said in an even voice.

"Damn! You too?!" I asked really irritated that I didn't understand much of his speech. "What did they teach you back in the other continent huh? Do you have a class teaching all this Zen crap?" I asked as he sounded so much like Dimitri that it hurt.

He sighed. "It's not the point anyways," he said nicely. "I know that you're hurt and still grieving and… And taking decisions in such a state will drive you to make some drastic choice which you will regret in the end." He added reaching for me but finally hesitated and brought his hand back on his knee. It was probably due to the murderous look I was giving him.

"And what are you, huh? A mind reader?" I snorted "or maybe you are a doctor Freud in disguise? Maybe you could show me your psychology degree?" I asked with heavy sarcasm. _Got you Mr. 'know it all' _I thought proud of my come back.

"Actually I could." He said with a smile playing on his lips. "When I graduated I was guarding a friend of mine and went with him at the University of Sheffield in England were he studied Psychology and well…" he shrugged "I studied with him."

"Yeah well…." I grimaced pouting like a 6 years old doing my best not to stick my tongue out. "Well…" I needed to find something fast, I didn't want him to have the last word with me. "Well studying and living it are two totally different things!" I said with an icy voice where both pain and anger were entwined. "You don't know what's like! You don't know what I've been through and…" I stood up. "I would like for you to go now." I said showing him the door.

"Of course" he said standing up. He tried to sound calm but I could see that the muscles of his jaw were tight. He was doing his best to control his anger. He walked stiffly to the door before turning around. "Just so you know, I do know how it feels as my mother, voluntarily turned strigoi, killed my dad right before my eyes." He took a deep breath to try to keep his voice from shivering. "I had just graduated from university and I was home for 2 weeks, and when she tried to turn me, I killed her. I killed my own mother Rose," he said not able to conceal his pain and anger anymore. "That's when I dropped everything… My moroi, my life and went to hide in the New Hampshire academy so never…" He pointed at me, "Never tell me that I don't know how you feel anymore because" he opened the door "I'm probably the only person who actually does!" He said not even bothering to look at me again before leaving the room.

I sat back in the armchair shaken by his revelation. _Wow Rose you did gain a whole new level of bitchiness!! _I thought ashamed and angry with myself.

I took a deep breath and decided to go and find him. I felt so bad plus I was hoping to maybe cross Jesses' path in a dark corner somewhere.

I took my cell and tried to phone Kashka again but her phone was still off.

_Yeah me Rose Hathaway, the badass kid was chicken enough to need someone to be with me while walking around school _I thought staring at the door.

"Come on man up!" I said out loud. "The worse already happened to you. What else could you fear?!" I added trying to increase my courage finally leaving the room.

I was walking in direction of the teaching building, as I figured that the best place to look for Ben was where Christian was, and right now Christian was teaching one of his '_Defense with magic 101' _classes with Tasha.

I bit my bottom lip, I would have felt a lot better to see Tasha with an ally by my side.

I shook my head. _Never mind! _I was almost there, but as I turned the corner to the main part of the teaching building I almost collided with a man walking in the opposite direction.

"Oh! I'm sorry!" I blurted out looking at him.

"It's…It's okay" he said looking at me in recognition. "It's nice to finally meet you Rosemarie Hathaway." He said with a smile.

I looked at him sighed and rolled my eyes. I knew it was just plain rude but I was just fed up with everybody knowing who I was when I didn't have the faintest idea of who I was talking to.

My reaction made him chuckled and his eyes lit with amusement. "Impetuous… Just like your mother." He said pleased.

I finally really looked at him warily, detailing him. He was a Moroi man of about 45 with a extremely faint accent that I would have called oriental. He wasn't as white as the other moroi and I guess he could be seen as Olive Skinned as far as Moroi could be like that. He was really tall about 6'4 and not as thin as the rest of the moroi, he was really burly as far as moroi were concerned of course not even close of Dimitri was and you would have needed at least 2 like him to match Ben, but still he was impressive for a Moroi, a bit like Adrian.

He kept staring at me with a smile playing on his lips.

I concentrated on his face. He had big brown eyes and some wicked dark brown thick hair, which look almost black.

_Wicked hair… _I thought rethinking my description. This realization gave me cold sweat as I was finally realizing who I was facing but also refused to acknowledge that fact.

"May I ask who I'm talking to?" I asked really formally taking a small step backward.

"Of course!" He said, as his smile grew wider. "It's such an honor to finally meant you _kiz çocuk_." He said sincerely. "My name is Ibrahim, Ibrahim El Dreidi but I guess _**you** _can call me dad." He said reaching out to shake my hand, as I stayed frozen on the spot.

It was different to suspect something and actually having my doubts confirmed. As I saw, from behind his shoulder my mother hurrying our way, I was just impolite and rude enough to turn around and run back to the guest housing.


	16. Chapter 16

**A.N**: Hey Guys!!

Thanks for the reviews and I hope this chapter will be enjoyable for you to read. As for the 'driving you crazy' secret well you'll get some hints in this chapter and in the next one but I can assure you that your curiosity will be satiated in chapter 18 *wink wink* so like usual don't forget to review and tell me what you think!

Love you all.

Hugsies

**Chapter 16:**

I was running back to my room.

_You can call me dad? _I thought with a snort. _Well you can call me 'the girl who is going to destroy your freaking face if you ever tell her something like that again!' _I added shaking my head finally reaching the building.

I got a glimpse of Kashka opening her own door. She was staying in the room just beside mine.

"Hey kick-ass!" She said with a warm smile seeing me jogging toward her. "Doc freed you huh? That's nice!" She said pleasingly surprised.

_So I guess she didn't come to visit me then, if she doesn't know that I've been released…_I thought stopping in front of my own door about 5 feet from her. _Why was she in the building for then?_

"So, You were so happy to be free that you ran here?!" She chuckled. "Almost ready for the ass kicking I owe you? I mean…you drugged me!" She added jokingly.

I didn't know why, but I was so angry against her. She was the first person I met that knew it all. That was probably the reason for her brawl with Adrian but she was the unlucky one. The first I met when I was still furious and hurt.

I crossed my arms on my chest and glared at her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked coldly. "Did you really think that I wouldn't find out the truth? That I would not discover he was here."

Her jaw dropped and she rested her hand on the wall for support. She had lost the smugness that made her a Belikov. "I… I… I wanted to tell you" she stuttered with shame and pain. "But they said it would hurt you to find out now that you needed time before seeing him and--"

"And you didn't even think that I could run into him like that in a corridor because…." I reddened with anger, seeing her scorching her eyebrows in confusion. "Because it's actually what happened!"

"What?" She asked taken aback. "You…what?" She asked again.

I sighed with exasperation. "I'm talking about Ibrahim El whatever!" I said scowling at her. She was really insulting my intelligence.

"Ibra-who?" She asked pretending to be confused. She was good at pretending apparently.

"My Genitor!" I shouted, even angrier than before. "Don't act all stupid!" I added making fists with my hands.

"Your dad is here?!" She asked taking aback by surprise. "Oh my! That's…WOW!" She just said staring at me with wide innocent eyes.

_She didn't know about that?_! I thought even more surprised than she was. "Uh!" I said biting my bottom lip. "But if you didn't know about him who do you think I was talking about?"

"No…One?" She said uncomfortably, but as I saw her face closing up, I knew I wouldn't get much more on that subject today.

_One secret at a time, _I thought angry against whoever knew about that and I was more than positive on the fact that Lissa did.

I nodded to Kashka and proceeded to open my door.

"Inviting me in?" She asked jokingly. "Unless you don't want my company."

I looked at her and finally smiled a little. "Of course I want your company, don't be silly!" I said walking in letting the door open for her to follow me.

She closed the door behind her and walked in and I saw her noticing the two can of cokes on the table.

"Yeah, Guardian Jonascki nicely walked me here and of course I went in full bitch mode with him…" I blushed with shame. "I was trying to find him to apologize when I ran into '_him,' _" I said with such an intonation that no questions were raised.

Kashka settled comfortably in the sofa and patted a spot beside her, as I settled beside her I realized how comfortable I was with her as it was like being sisters. Maybe it was because I was so eager to have a little part of Dimitri into my life that I wanted to be a part of his family so bad but she seemed eager enough to give me a little place in that family.

"So… Tell me everything," she said with solicitude as I started to relate her everything in great detail.

Once I was done she laughed.

"Boy that Zeklos kid…" She shook her head "you know what he needs huh? My foot in his ass."

"Sorry I've got dibs on that one," I said seriously.

"You'll have to fight for him then," she said trying to restrain herself from laughing.

After a couple of second of staring at each other we burst into laugher, at the same time I heard a knock at the door.

I stood up and opened it with a smile still on my face.

"I see you're doing ok?" Said Lissa nicely, but I could feel through our bond that she was both jealous and hurt of my relation with Kashka, which was silly. Lissa was my best friend and nobody could ever take that spot in my heart. I'll have to tell her that soon but for now there was another thing I needed to tell her.

I let her in. "Well, you know it's probably the consequence of me running into Ibrahim," I said studying her face to see if she knew about that.

"Oh…" She simply said looking down.

_She knew everything, _I thought angry.

"What did you expect huh? That I would not see him or what?" I asked coldly.

She flashed a glance in Kashka's direction showing me that she was uncomfortable to talk in front of a _'stranger'_.

I was about to tell her to spill the beans with Kashka here as she seemed to be the only one who cared enough that she was fighting against those secrets. But I did abandon them and, like Ben said, I had to deal with the consequences of my decisions and whether or not I liked it, was irrelevant, for now.

I looked at Kashka ready to ask her to let us have a minute but she was already up putting her jacket on

"Listen, Rose I think it's something you need to deal with on your own." She walked and hugged me tight. "I'll be in my room if you need me." She nodded toward Lissa and left the room.

"So, now that the big secret is out…would you mind explaining it to me." When I said 'big secret' I had a rapid, almost insignificant, glimpse of her mind. It was the word _'Dimitri' _but it was over much too fast. And I couldn't tell her _'listen Liss I'm trying to get into your head to spy but I can't. You should stop blocking me!' _Yeah that would turn out well!.

I kept scowling. She sighed and threw her hands in the air.

"Well I don't have to apologize for anything!" She said pointing at me with anger. "I was… no we were trying to find a way to stop you from the understandable, yet stupid, goal you wanted to achieve."

I was about to say something, but she stopped me by raising her hand. I never saw Lissa so confident and I would have been super proud if I wasn't so mad.

"Let me finish. I was trying to find a way to save Dimitri and there were some books about how it was possible to reverse the strigoi state but it was only rumors and I knew you would need hard proof to stop or at least a real theoretical way to do so"

She scowled too now.

"When Adrian talked to you after you left, it was clear that you didn't intend to make it back to us and you wanted out, in the blaze of glory didn't you?!" She added getting angrier and accusatory by the minute so I sat on the armchair letting the storm pass.

"We were desperate and the books Adrian managed to bribe out of the Court library leaded us to think that there were some primary sources in the Middle East, at the Library of The University of Istanbul to be correct." she said with a passionate tone

She was pacing in front of me so fast that she was making me dizzy.

"But the collection on strigoi was on a restricted area and if would have taken us weeks just to get the right to consult them even with Adrian trying to pull every strings his name and money could buy. And we knew it would be too late by then." She stopped in front of me.

I looked up and she looked so sad.

"We were completely lost and broken. The idea of losing you was unbearable…for any of us. You have no idea, we were so desperate, ready to make every sacrifice so…." she finally sat down. "So, your mother did the greatest sacrifice. She swallowed her pride and phoned your father and begged him for help."

_My mom? Begging?! _I thought completely astonished. That was clearly the most unexpected information ever, but it made me feel even worse about everything I did. I had forced my mother to do one of the only things she would have rather die than do.

"Your father is actually really, really rich like…Ivashkov wealthy if you see what I mean," she said seriously, "He is maybe not royal per say but he is richer than most of the royal families. Petrol I think," she said shrugging. "Anyways, he gives a lot of money at the university so, he managed to access the books. He took them and flew here with them."

She fastened her hair in a ponytail. "Apparently he didn't know he had a daughter you see and well…"

"Like it would have changed anything!" I said coldly with a snort. "Moroi couldn't care less about their dhampir children."

"Maybe…" said Lissa calmly, "but anyways he wanted to meet you and once he learned you were back and awake he came back," she said, as matter of fact.

I nodded looking down. That wasn't the point but…I couldn't help but feel bad for my mother. I really did destroy every single person I ever cared about or that cared about me. I really was bad luck.

"Maybe, I can concede. It was bad to hide you that information but we were not even sure he was going to come back," she shrugged. "And we were going to tell you everything it is just… "

"Yeah…circumstances" I said still mad, but I didn't know toward whom anymore. I knew there was a secret about Dimitri too but what was it? I would stay here just long enough to find out and then I'll leave for good.

They will be better without me. They'd figure that one out eventually.

"Well. I better go now. I'm having dinner with Christian and Tasha. Do you want to join us? I'm sure they will be thrilled." She asked but I knew she already expected my answer.

"Not tonight you know…" I shrugged, ''with Ibrahim and all that,'' I gave her a small smile as I could see she was worrying. "Plus I'm not sure they will all be thrilled."

"Huh? …OH!" She said understanding. "Tasha?" She questioned.

There was no point in lying. I nodded.

"She is not upset about you and Dimitri I promise." She said sincerely. "She was actually very supportive and apparently she knew about it since the ski trip when he refused her offer. She is…was very supportive of you two," she added. "She said you were soul mates, probably made in Heaven."

I walked to Lissa and hugged her tight. "I love you Liss. You are, and always be, my best friend." I said as I felt her relax and a clear appeasement and she hugged me back.

"I needed to hear that," she said sincerely still hugging me.

"I know you did." I said kissing her cheek loudly. "Now go and meet lover boy and if you run into Ben, could…could you tell him I need to talk to him?" I asked trying to sound as detached as I could.

She looked at me warily, but nodded.

We opened the door to a Christian about to knock.

"Well, well, well," he said looking at me with the sarcastic smile that was his trademark. "If it isn't Rosemarie Hathaway," he said.

"Oh my… You are so smart! You know my name? Really??" I said sarcastically in a fake awe. "You are so smart!! Please be my teacher pleeeaaassseeee…" I said like a crazy teenager.

Ben was all sullen behind him, but finally cracked a smile and I heard someone actually burst into laughed beside Christian and finally registered Tasha, who looked at me with really warm eyes. She seemed genuinely happy to see me.

"Hi Tasha…" I said slightly uncomfortably, but she walked to me and hugged me.

"I'm so happy you're back!" She said breaking our embrace but keeping her hands on my arms. "Don't scare us like that ever again okay?" She asked with a smile.

I nodded.

Lissa gave a quick peck at Christian who wrapped his arm lovingly around her waist. Seeing that love made my chest ache and I really hated that.

I wondered why my mother wasn't there. _Was she avoiding me? That was so not a Janine Hathaway behavior! I'll go and see her tomorrow, _I thought finally concentrating my attention on Ben.

"Can you give me a minute?" I asked him slightly discomfited.

Ben nodded.

I saw Christian looking from Ben to me as he opened his mouth, I saw the light gleaming in his eyes and I knew he was about to make a smartass comment 100% full Oreza.

"Shut your pie hole Oreza," I said raising my hand. "You may be a teacher, but I'm not a student anymore and believe me it's not a guardian, which is going to stop me from kicking your skinny ass."

"Ok enough! Love you guys!" said Lissa not able to stop from laughing a bit. "Let's go before they get into a 'smart ass' battle,'" she added seriously.

"Yeah please!" Said Tasha winking at me. The three of them left, letting an uncomfortable Ben standing in front of my door.

"Please come in." I said stepping at the side.

"I'm so sorry for what I said before," I told him as soon as I closed the door. "I was out of line like well…" I shrugged and blushed. "Like I'm most of the time."

Ben turned around and smiled at me. "It's fine really." He said nicely "I shouldn't have lost my self control since you didn't have all the info in your hands anyways. Sometime it just hard to stay in control, you know?" He said really questioning me

_Damn! Once again… he sounded like Dimitri. _I thought but nodded and walked to sit on the sofa gesturing toward the armchair for him to take a sit. I took 2 cokes on my way to sit.

"Oh yeah, I know what you mean!" I said sincerely. "Lack of control has always been one of my biggest weaknesses."

He patted my knee gently sitting down. "Control is a learned behavior you know." he had a sly smile. "I'm 26 and still far from getting it into order. You saw it before with Zeklos didn't you?"

"Yeah," I said with a chuckle, "but Jesse will even strip the Daila Lama of his control!" I said only half joking.

He laughed with me. He had a deep and appeasing laugh, the kind you didn't get tired to hear.

"So, we're cool now?" I asked a bit childishly.

"We were always…_'Cool'_ Rose," he said sincerely. "It's just that I was in your shoes not that long ago and I didn't want you to make the same mistakes that I did, that's all. And keeping everything bottled up inside is the worse you can do" he said looking deep into my eyes as if he was trying to read my soul. "And making radical decisions, like not graduating and things like that when you are still grieving or still full of anger, is bound to screw your life."

I just bit my lip because I knew he was right.

"You will regret it, I swear you will." He said looking at his hands now. "Maybe not today, not in a month or not even a year, but you will I can assure you that much."

"Do you regret your decisions?" I asked curiously.

He looked up. "Yes," he said letting all his guard down. "Some of them I regret every day." He said evasively and I didn't dare to ask which one.

"You need to talk to someone you trust, whoever it is. You need help, you don't need to deal with all that by yourself," he said kindly.

But this sentence made me dizzy as it was exactly what Dimitri told me after my failed 'strigoi Stan' attack. Once more it was like chatting with Dimitri!

_Am I in another dimension? _I thought stupidly, but I just couldn't stop thinking of that.

"What's your favorite kind of novel?" I blurted out flushing straight away.

His head jerked up in surprise and he frowned with confusion but he answered nevertheless, bless him. "Ummm Sci-fi why?"

_Dimitri liked Westerns _I thought relaxing a bit. "And your favorite music?" I asked ignoring his question.

"Police interrogatory?" He asked with a chortle. "I love Jazz and Blues Music, Aretha Franklin, Armstrong, Robert Johnson, stuff like that."

I sighed and rested my head on the back of the sofa. "That's very good," I said smiling turning my head on the side to look at him. "And you think I should talk to anyone?" I asked again.

"Well, yeah anyone you feel comfortable enough to talk about this subject," he said nicely. "Could be a psych, a priest, a friend, a parent, Jesse Zeklos," I scowled at him. "A random stranger in the street," he added with a smile.

I straightened up a bit. "You?" I asked uncomfortably.

I could see in his eyes that he surely didn't expect that. He kept quiet for a couple of second thoughtful.

I was about to apologize and ask him to forget about it when he finally talked.

"Well yeah of course," he said quietly "I would be more than honored and I will do my best to help you but…but why me?" He asked sincerely interested. "We can't really say we know each other."

"Well, that's a reason for why you're the best choice." I said doing my best to look at him. It was very hard for me to open up. "You know I don't want Lissa to hear about that or Christian or any other friend as I don't want to see the pity in their eyes." I shrugged. "They know one Rose and I want them to keep knowing that Rose plus I don't know why, but I feel safe with you…don't ask me why but…I trust you." I said blushing again. "That's stupid isn't it?"

Ben took my hand and squeezed it. "Actually, no it is not. I do feel the same with you like I known you forever." His hand was warm. It felt good.

"And the third reason and probably the most unhealthy and weird one but I need to be totally honest," I said shifting uncomfortably on the sofa. "You... You sound just like him," I said avoiding his glance not wanting to read the _"wow she lost it" _in it. "You just think like him and well… talking to you, listening to what you say, it will be like listening to him in a strange, overstretched, sick way." I said grimacing.

"If you want me...then I'm here." He said settling in the armchair. "Whatever reasons that made you choose me to confide, it doesn't matter. The most important thing is that you open your heart and say what you really feel. It will help you I promise," he added his eyes full of thoughtfulness.

"I miss him so much," I said resting my head back against the back of the sofa looking up at the ceiling. "I miss him so much. It's like I can't breath". I tried to be as calm as possible. "And I feel guilty..," I said finally admitted to him and to the world. "I should have let you guys take him out."

"But…" He waited a bit to think I presumed, "I saw it. I was just beside Christian when he broke down the door. He was about to break your neck Rose, he didn't have the scruple that you seem to have," he added with a soothing voice.

"Well, he said he still loved me and he asked me to join him but I just couldn't and… and he sent a ghost," I said looking at him but he was just looking back with nice honest eyes as tears started to fall quietly down my cheeks. "To keep me away…to keep me safe." I shook my head. "There was still a part of the man I loved inside that strigoi and I destroyed that part too." I couldn't contain the single sob to get out.

He came to sit beside me. "Well you had no choice Rose you can't, blame yourself."

"But… I remember that day fairly well now and...and I know that Lissa shouted 'no' when I staked him." I was crying for good now. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I cried on his shoulder, literally. "Maybe I was the reason why they failed."

"No you aren't," he said in a tone so sure. He stoke my hair to calm me down and before even realizing it, I felt asleep my head resting on his powerful, muscular and warm shoulder.

I woke up later that night lying on the sofa, with a cover over me and a pillow under my head.

I looked around, a bit disoriented, and saw Ben fast asleep in the armchair. It looked so uncomfortable. Boy he was going to be so stiff tomorrow.

I woke him gently.

"Hey…" he said in a sleepy voice.

"Hey," I said sitting down on the sofa, wrapping the cover around me.

He looked at me and cracked a smile.

"Yeah, making fun of Rose, the bed-head huh?" I said touching the big haystack I had on top of my head.

"Nah it's cute," he said stretching, I could hear his joints complaining.

"Why did you stay?" I asked curiously.

"I…I didn't want you to wake up alone," he just said.

So much kindness left me speechless and I just whispered a thank you. I looked at my watch. It was middle of afternoon, which meant middle of our night. Boy I slept 4 hours already! It was going to be a drag to get back to sleep now.

At this instant we heard a loud banging at the door like someone was trying to break it.

Ben and I looked at each other with a frown. He shrugged and went to open the door.

It was a very pissed off, very jealous and clearly drunk Adrian still holding a half emptied bottle of Vodka in his hand.

He looked at Ben's rumpled clothes and my sleepy eyes, draped in the cover.

He got even angrier and dodged around Ben to step into the room.

I didn't want to have to deal with all the drama and even if nothing had happened, I decided to explain to him what was happening.

I sighted, "Adrian it's -"

"Why are you doing that Rose?" He asked so aggressively that I took a step back. "Are Dhampirs so much better than me? I'm pretty sure I can satisfy you in bed too you know."

"No it's - "

"I mean come on!! What kind of slut are you! The 'love of your life' is not out a month, and you are already with another one?" He asked taking two steps towards me.

That was just too much and I slapped him with the back of my hand with all the strength I had.


	17. Chapter 17

**A.N:**Hey !!

Here chapter 17.…it's getting closer of the revealing can't you feel it?? Lol,

Anyways thank you so so much for your kind words. It means a lot to me.

And don't forget to review ok? I absolutely love reading you!!

Take care

Love you all

Steffy

**Chapter 17:**

Adrian stumbled almost crashing on the floor but I caught his arm and held him up before he touched the floor. I let go of his arm and took a step back.

Adrian looked at me, his hand on his cheek, but I knew him well enough to notice that it was only sadness in his eyes.

Ben took a step toward us, probably to throw Adrian out, but I raised a hand to stop him and he froze on the spot.

Adrian could pretend to be smug, but it didn't work with me.

"Come now," I said trying to sound calm. "Let's talk," I added walking to him to take his arm, but he brushed me away.

"You know if it's a sex thing, I'm pretty good at that too. I won't mind… You can be my blood whore." He said dryly.

I saw Ben flush with anger and I knew it wouldn't be long before he lost the little control he had left.

I looked at him. "You better go, for now." I said apologetically to Ben. I knew drunk Adrian and I knew hurt Adrian.

"But…" He looked confused.

"It's ok. I can handle Adrian," I said taking a step to stand beside Adrian. "Just go… I'll see you in the morning." I said trying to sound calm and detached.

Ben nodded warily but left.

"Finally together," said Adrian, not able to stand straight I caught him before he fell and he threw up at the same time.

I groaned. "That just peachy!" I said really annoyed now. "I'm the one supposed to be broken and I take care of you!" I said starting to unbutton his shirt doing my best to ignore the vomit. I was lucky not to have a weak stomach

"Well, you did hurt all of us, and we're not giving you shit about that do we?" He said almost incomprehensibly.

This hurt more than a punch. He knew where to hit.

"Come on," I said fighting the tears helping him to the bedroom. Even if I hated him right now I was sure that the dose of alcohol in his blood was scarily high and I wanted to keep an eye on him since, as upset as I was at the time being, I didn't want him to choke in his own vomit.

I sat him on the edge of the bed, found a champagne bucket and gave it to him.

"If you want to vomit it goes in there." I said in a threatening tone while I was looking around for a shirt for him to wear.

I did, finally, find a very large black shirt that Lissa and I won at a fair back during our runaway days. It said " Devil's child" in red in the front.

"Very fitting," I whispered helping him into it. I noticed some vomit fell onto his pants and sighed, but I was really surprised I didn't get one of his witty comments as I gently laid him on the bed and removed both his shoes and pants.

Once I helped him under the covers, I went to fill a glass of water and forced him to drink a bit.

I put the glass on the nightstand and sat beside him for a while trying to sooth him while stroking his hair.

_We'll talk about that tomorrow_, I thought still angry but feeling bad at the same time.

"I don't need your pity!" He mumbled looking at me with only one eye open. "I know you get a kick of my pain." He added seriously. I quickly removed my hand from his hair as if it was on fire.

"Excuse me?" I asked not able to hide the hurt.

"I love you, but you hurt me… You keep hurting us you're selfish!" He added sleepily. "You didn't care of dying when we were ready to every sacrifices to help you." He shook his head slowly. "You don't love us. You are only good to hurt us… We'll be better off without you hanging around to hurt us…hurt me even more." He mumbled again before started to snore slowly.

I looked at him, mouth wide open with shock. I knew I was rotten for them but hearing it from Adrian hurt so bad, much more than expected. I even started to cry.

_Crying over_ _Adrian!_ I thought, wanting to slap myself.

I settled to spend the rest of the night in the armchair in the far corner of the room so I could keep an eye on him and be sure he was breathing okay.

I drifted in and out of sleep for a while. As soon as it seemed reasonable enough to believe that he would be fine and that it was not too early, I went to take a very hot shower as my chest was still aching over Adrian's words.

I wore a bare red tank top a pair of jeans and tightened my hair into a high ponytail.

I didn't want to go in the common room for breakfast. I wanted to avoid the Academy students as much as I could so I prepared a coffee and ate a muffin of the basket someone left in my room.

I didn't even bother to read the card, as it was probably one hell of butt licker. I decided to go and see my mom as soon as Adrian was up.

She didn't have to hide. God knows we all made mistakes and whatever she did 18 years ago she probably had her reasons.

_Wow… I am growing up_, I thought. I hear Adrian waking up and put a cup of coffee and two Tylenol on the little bar, as I was sure he had a killer headache.

He walked into the room confused looking around.

"Oh, hello…" he said wincing as he heard his own voice.

"Killer headache huh?" I asked. _Good!!_ I thought nastily.

He nodded and walked to the bar looking at the coffer cup with envy.

He looked at me sheepishly.

"I've got to go now," I said trying to sound detached. "I went to your room and found some cloths," I said pointing to a pair of jeans and shirt on the sofa.

"Here, you have a coffee and tablets for your head." I added avoiding his eyes.

"I want you gone when I come back," I said finally looking at him.

My eyes must have looked cold because he raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"I don't know what I said yesterday, but I'm -"

"You said nothing that I didn't already knew," I said frostily cutting him off. "I think we should avoid each other for a little while, maybe 5 or 10 years." I added taking my keys. "Leave as soon as you can."

And I left, jogging to the guardian dorms, as I needed to talk to my mother.

When I made it to the guardians' building, I saw Stan coming down. He hugged me.

_A hug from Stan? That was the scariest thing in the world_. I thought strangely hugging him back.

"Looking for your mother?" He asked with a smile.

_Stan can have a genuine_ _smile?_ I wondered shocked.

I nodded smiling back to him.

He gave me her room number and padded my shoulder. "It's so good to have you back," he said without any sarcasm.

"Wow… Talk about another dimension," I muttered walking to my mom room.

When she opened the door after my light knock, I could see in her eyes that I was probably the last person she expected to see.

"Hey!" I said as cheerily as I could. "Can I come in?"

"Hey," she said stepping aside to let me in. Her room was as tidy and military style than I expected.

"You know Rose about Ibrah-" she started and I could feel the discomfort in her voice.

I took a deep breath and turned to face her. "I'm sorry," I said cutting her off.

"**YOU** are sorry?" She asked really taken aback as she probably expected some kind of my well known childish fit. I would have probably done something like that before that was sure, but not now…not anymore. I was a different person.

"You don't have to explain anything and you did what you had to do back then. I'm not one to judge your decisions." I leaned to be half sat on her desk. "And because of me you had to take a trip back to memory lane… Face a past that…" I looked trough the window not really looking for anything. "That was probably painful to some level and…" I sighed. "You did it all because of me." I was rotten for them… Adrian was right on that one.

"Oh no Rose!" She said on such a gently tone that I, almost, thought it was someone else talking. I looked at her and she didn't have her professional mask on. She was looking almost like a mother. She reached for my hand and made me sit beside her on the bed.

"I won't lie what you did was reckless and silly, but at your age?" She smiled a bit "I would have done the exact same thing and, well, I believed that what you shared with…with Dimitri," she said and I appreciated her effort to connect with me on that. "Was very powerful, special… So much love apparently." She smiled. "Kashka talked to us," she added as she saw my confusion.

"You shouldn't feel guilty that what you did, made me contact Ibrahim. I had other options!" She added and I knew she was trying to make me feel better.

"Now you are being nice... It's scary," I said smiling.

She chuckled. "And I should have talked to you about that." She said seriously. "I was often overreacting with you and I should have told you why."

"No you didn't have to do that! It's your life -" I started.

"Yeah, but my life has incidentally an impact on yours and I was trying to lecture you…" She shook her head. "Imposing you a code of conduct without explaining you why." She said angry against herself.

I looked at her and took her hand. She looked at our hands locked together for a little while and finally concentrated her eyes on me again.

"I was 18 and I was a novice at the Academy in Scotland." She said the eyes unfocused and she was unfolding her youth to me for the first time. "I was pretty famous at the academy you know for being a smartass _'know-it-all_,'" she said with the smile. "In case you were wondering where you got that from," she added with a wink.

I chuckled as she continued.

"Anyways it was about 2 months before graduation when they organized a sort of seminar you know about how non royal could make it too and this kind of stuff." She grimaced to show how pointless she still thought it was. "And he was there. He was a 28 year old super successful moroi and he concentrated all his interest on me." She said slightly blushing. "I felt so special…" She added with a snort.

_Wow he was 10 years older than her!_ I guess the attraction to older men was genetic too, but I could understand why she freaked out when she saw the attention I've got from Adrian. It probably tasted like _'déjà vu'_.

"He gave me presents, complemented me and everything. I was young and so naïve then that I fell in love with him and I felt blessed when he requested me as his guardian." She added looking away. "We were together for almost 2 years and we kept our relationship a secret he said it was _'for now'_, but I probably already knew back then that he would never make it official even if a part of me dreamt he would marry me."

She squeezed my hand and I squeezed right back to invite her to continue.

"When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't know how to tell him. I was about to come clean when I found out he was organizing his wedding with a moroi woman." She stood up, "so, I left him and never told him about you," She added but I could hear in her voice that she was not regretting her choice.

"Don't worry it doesn't change anything." I said standing up too. "He could have easily find out about me if he wanted to and well…" I shrugged "I don't want him in my life anyways."

My mom was looking to me with apprehension so I smiled to her.

"I'll talk to him as well…" I shrugged. "I owe him that much for his help but after _'bye-bye,'_" I added mimicking the sign with my hand.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." She said nicely.

"Oh but I want to!" I said taking a deep breath and hugging her. "Thank you," I said to her ear as I really didn't know what to say that would convey my gratitude.

"You are really welcome Rose," she added rubbing my back before breaking our embrace. She quickly looked at the clock.

"You need to go?" I asked

"Yeah I've got a class but… You can join me if you want." She added politely.

"No, that's fine mom. Thank you. I didn't sleep well. I think I'll go back to bed."

She nodded and we both left in separate ways.

As I walked to my room I took the decision to graduate anyways. I knew it was what Dimitri would have wanted and I needed to make my mom proud, as I owed her that much.

I grimaced walking into my room, but Adrian left as I asked him to. I found a little note folded in two and read it.

_I don't know what I did or said last night but I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you._

_I love you _

_A. _

"Didn't mean to hurt me? Well you did screw up then," I whispered throwing the piece of paper in the trash and almost sleep walking to the sofa. I'll have to change the bed before sleeping in it, as it probably smelled like vomit and alcohol.


	18. Chapter 18

**A.N:** Hey guys!! Ok I know you don't want to hear my blahblah today and you think _"shut up woman! I just want to read !" _so… I just wanted to thanks the reviewers.

And if you get a chance there is a brand forum on VA (link on my profile)

I really _**REALLY**_ hope you'll like this chapter.

Don't forget to review and tell me what you think.

Love u all

Steffy.

**Chapter 18:**

It has been three days now that I had the chat with my mom and that I heard the hard truth coming directly from a man that was supposed to be in love with me.

It has been 3 pretty busy days spending most of my time between Lissa, Christian and Tasha as well as Kashka.

I was settling in a comforting, yet provisory, routine. I really did my best to avoid Adrian and he seemed to be mortified enough to avoid me too. Maybe he was finally starting to remember what he told me that night.

Ibrahim left the day before and I gave him a few minutes as well, I did owe him that but his words didn't reach me. Because knowing about my mother's pregnancy or not he still did hurt her and I knew only too well what it felt like.

I did my best to be polite, but told him that I wasn't that interested to build a relationship with him even knowing that I was his only dhampir child. He seemed to accept that fairly well and I was pretty sure that he was doing that for his freaking karma more than something else.

I decided to announce to Lissa tonight that I didn't intend to actually become a guardian after graduation and that, maybe in the future, I would consider it but for now I needed some time to figure my life out. I felt that the moroi society took too much and prevented me to be happy. Fair or not, that's how I felt now and it was, clearly, not how a guardian should feel.

I took a deep breath checked my cloth as I was going to attend one of Tasha and Christian's defense with magic class. I already attended the one yesterday and they were so impressive that I decided to go back today especially since the little chat I had with Tasha yesterday just before dinner.

_She surprisingly came to pick me up. _

"_I wanted to have a word with you," she said with a smile. "I've seen you were really uncomfortable around me and it sadden me," she added sincerely. "Why is that?" She asked, curiously._

_I shrugged, but blushed furiously as I couldn't wait to make it to the teachers common room even with the curious stares following me everywhere. That was the main reason why I was staying in my room most of the time. _

"_Because of Dimka?" She tried. _

_I gave her a sidelong glance that confirmed her doubts._

"_Well don't be!" She said with a small laugh. "I knew about you two since well…since the incident in Spokane."_

"_Knew how?" I asked not able to hide my longing._

"_He was frantic when you left you know with Christian, almost crazy and it was way more than the kind of worry you feel for your charge…way, way more," she said with no negative feeling in her voice. "And when he told me he couldn't accept my offer and I realized that you meant more for him than I imagined-" _

"_Did he say something?" I asked stopping her._

_She smiled and put a hand on my shoulder. "He said that he tried very hard not to give you his heart but you stole it anyways." I looked away. "Seeing the look on your eyes Rose I can see that he stole yours too." _

_I nodded with a sad smile._

"_It's all good Rose. It's gonna be just fine." She said kissing my forehead nicely. _

I shook my head going back to reality when someone lightly knocked on my door.

It was the gown Lissa had ordered for me for the graduation ball that would take place in 3 days. The dress was a surprise and I didn't even feel like peeking. Whatever it was, I would be wearing it and pretending to be okay with it that evening.

I reluctantly accepted to go as I knew I would not be sticking around long after that plus the Queen made me sit at her table with Lissa, Christian and Adrian of course.

I already refused many things from the queen in the last week and I really didn't need to infuriate her more I mean…maybe, I will want to go back to the guardian life eventually and I didn't need her to stop me.

I was walking down the path to the gymnasium, when I caught a glimpse at Kashka walking toward the clinic building again and that brought back my interest of the first day.

I had almost forgot about that with all the problems and secrets revealed to me in record time, but I still didn't find out why she was sneaking in the basement of the clinic, but I was about to know right now.

I waited for her to go in as I didn't need to follow her too closely and I really didn't want her to be on her guard.

About 10 minutes later, I quietly opened the door to see a set of stairs going down and I rolled my eyes and sighed with exasperation.

_What's going on with this world and basements huh? _I thought going down on the tip of my toes.

I heard a door open and saw Kashka leave a room closing the door quietly behind her. She was holding a basin with water and some towels, she had such a sad look on her face that it took me aback for a little while but my curiosity, like always, had the best of me and I walked as quietly as I could to the room.

However, nothing in a million years could have prepared me to what I was about to see behind that door.

I opened the door and brought both my hands to my mouth to muffle my gasp and took three steps back in the corridor to rest my back on the wall.

Dimitri! My Dimitri was lying on this bed, his eyes on me. But he wasn't white anymore and there were no red in his eyes. He was the 'real' Dimitri, but he was different. Something in his eyes was…missing.

I stayed against the wall for a while trying to overcome the shock.

"Rose?!" Said Kashka so shocked that she dropped the basin full of water on the floor.

I looked at her, eyes frantic, mouth wide open as I just pointed to the room.

"Oh no, no, no!!" said Kashka walking fast toward me and hugging me. "You were not supposed to find out this way!" She added distress in her voice.

Even while she was hugging me I could see the bed behind her shoulder. Dimitri was still staring, but I realized that there was no recognition in them like he couldn't see me.

_Impossible right? _I thought, breaking from Kasha's restraining hug with force.

I slowly walked into the room again, but my brain was not there anymore, it was like I was a robot.

"Dimitri? Dimitri it's me." I said the voice shivering as the tears built up in my throat. I stopped at the side of his bed and even if his face was directed my way there was nothing to read in it. "Please… Please snap out of it. Come back to me… I need you, I missed you so, so much," I added but the big lump of tears in my throat didn't allow me to speak louder than a whisper.

"Rose come on let's-" started Kashka.

"Shut up!!" I shouted so loud that I was pretty sure the whole building heard me. She was looking at me from the threshold, with so much sadness and sympathy toward me. "Shut up!" I added not shouting anymore. "How… It's… My… Just…." I said confused falling on my knees. "He is not here anymore right? My soul mate is gone right?" I asked bringing my hands to my face as I started to cry uncontrollably.

Kashka rushed to me, slide on her knees and hold me tight. I buried my face on her neck as I was crying harder. She rested her chin on the top of my head, rocking me back and forth humming some kind of soothing melody.

It felt like I was drowning in a pool of fear, pain and despair. I wanted to stand up and scream, hit everyone for not telling me, hit Dimitri for not trying harder but I also wanted to run away! Run away as fast and far than I could. Running away from this nightmare.

I had some little moment between my sobs and noticed that someone came to check on us after probably hearing my outburst, but Kashka sent that person away. How many people fooled me? Who knew the truth? Kashka tightened her embrace.

"It's okay Rose…" She whispered to my ear. "It's never too late." She added as I was still crying in her neck but the tears were calming now as I was pretty sure I didn't have much more left.

"It's never gonna be okay again… Never." I said in a voice that I didn't even recognize myself. I slowly turned my face to have a glimpse of the bed. "It's… It's worse than death." I said started to sob again.

We stayed like that on the floor a little while longer 'til the shock passed and that I cried out the loss of the little piece of heart I had left.

Kashka stood up and helped me to stand and sit in a chair on the corner. I automatically stared at the corridor and saw that the basin and water disappeared.

_Someone cleaned it. _I thought stupidly.

Kashka kneeled is front of me and rubbed my legs gently in some soothing gesture.

"That's what you were fighting about with Adrian, right?" I asked with a thick voice finally putting the pieces together.

She nodded in confirmation.

"_**YOU** _wanted to tell me, but they didn't," I added simply stating a fact, but I was grateful she did fight for my interests.

"They were right," she said still kneeled in front of me. "I can see it now. You found out the worse way possible and you were not ready, not just yet." She added thoughtful. "They really did know what was the best for you;" she added looking away.

"Who are _'they'_? Who knows about him being here?" I asked wanting to know whose butt I had to kick.

"Well the Tualatin rescue team so: Lissa, Oreza, Ivashkov, Ben, Eddie, your mother." She cleared her throat. "Olendzki, Kirova and me. That's it." She added finally standing up and going to stand beside Dimitri.

I nodded. Surely they kept it a secret and just informed the only person they couldn't keep in the dark.

I stood up and went to stand beside Kashka and took Dimitri's lifeless hand. "But… But what happened?" I asked not sure I wanted to know the answer to that. "I mean it worked to some extent right?" I said squeezing his hand but pointing to the ECG machine. "He has an heartbeat now. He is tanned again and there is no more red in his eyes…" I trailed off and took a deep breath. "But…but obviously something went wrong," I added the voice shivering slightly as I was fighting my tearless sobs.

"We don't know," said Kashka shaking her head with desperation.

"We?" I asked sill keeping my eyes on Dimitri.

"Well, yeah…" she said shifting uncomfortably on the spot. "Since we're back, we are working on the books doing more research to try to find out what went wrong but…" She slightly shrugged. "The problem is that it is only theory I mean they didn't report a change that worked. So many conditions needed to be reunited that it's already," she looked at me and gave me a sad smile. "I know it will be hard to believe as I still can't do it myself fully just yet but it's already a miracle that we could reverse the change."

"A miracle?" I said with a snort. "Right! I'm sure he has a blast being in a vegetative state!" I added bitterly and almost immediately regretted it as I perfectly knew I was being unfair to Kashka. I quickly decided to change the course of this conversation. "Conditions? What conditions?" I asked.

"Well…" She slightly turned to face me. "I'm not sure I got it all right since the specialists here are Lissa and Ivashkov really" she said stiffly "but I think that the strigoi need to be fairly recently awaken, that he still had a strong link to the human world…"

_His Love for me kept him human somewhere! _I thought but didn't say it out loud.

"And he needed to be _'between two worlds'_"she said grimacing. "So we presumed that it was, you know, as the strigoi was about to die, it weakened the evil part that took possession of your body and with the healing it allows your soul, your essence to reclaim it's legitimate place but…" she looked at Dimitri again. "Well he just came back like that." She said sadly brushing some hair from his forehead "and…" She shook her head. "He is not in a vegetative state."

"WHAT?" I shouted as a little bit of hope filled my heart, this little hope that would probably kill me if it was all for nothing.

"Well, about a week ago when there were no change in his state Ivashkov," She groaned, "and God knows how much I hate him! He arranged for Dimitri to be transported to one of the most famous neurological private clinic in the US to have a battery of test. The doctor were positive well…" She cocked her head to the side. "I don't understand their weird vocabulary but they said Dimka was a medical mystery as he still had strong electrical impulses in his brain and something about the neuronal response or whatever." She shook her head. "Anyways they said that he is not in a vegetative state, that his brain I still working and that it was just like…" She trailed off looking at me warily. I could see she didn't intend, or want to finish it.

"Just like what?" I pressed. She looked down. "Just like what!?" I asked again. "Come on, Kashka you've been honest enough 'til now." I said with light annoyance. "Nothing could be worse than what I know already right?" Nope!! Proof that I wasn't psychic!!

"It's just like he is trapped, imprisoned in his own body…catatonic," she added looking at me trying to decipher my reaction.

I brought my free hand to my mouth as I imagined Dimitri screaming for help in his head. I imagined his silent cry and it hurt even more than anything I lived through already. "Oh my God…" I whispered. "How? It's just…"

"We don't know why," she said wearily. "We think that it's probably the evil from the strigoi that is bond to leave marks on your soul and that maybe he is just not ready to face the world after being such a dark creature."

I realised something and my head jerked up, a fierce look on my face. "I'm going to save him," I said with certainty. "I will bring him back to us" I added standing straight.

Kasha looked at me with pride and like she didn't expect any less from me. "I knew you would do that," she said putting a hand on my cheek. "You are really brave and strong and I understand a bit more everyday why he loves you so much" she added kissing my forehead. "If anyone can save him it's you…his match made in heaven."

She stayed a bit longer but she finally left me alone with him. I was pretty sure that she was going to meet the other to talk about my involvement but I couldn't care less. I was with my Dimitri and nothing else mattered.

As soon as she closed the door I kicked off my shoes and cautiously joined him on the bed. I rested on my side, an arm around his chest and the face in his neck, my nose skimming the little hollow behind his ear.

"Come on Dimitri, you are so, so strong" I whispered quietly. "You can fight it, you can make it back. My love, please… Come back to me" I added kissing his jaw. "You can't leave me here in a world so cold without you." I added laying my head on his pillow. I drifted into sleep the face buried in his neck, as I didn't realize that the crying totally drained me.


	19. Chapter 19

**A.N:** Hey Guys!! Thank you so much for the reviews!! I'm so pleased that I succeeded to convey the right emotions writing this chapter as it was very emotional for me to write too ( as this one was)

I just wanted you to know that I DID write the last chapter of this story and they are now with my fantastic beta. So well this story will count 23 chapters ( and maybe an epilogue…not sure yet.)

Anyways I'm also thinking about writing a story based on the Twilight series but it will be a total AR/AU and I posted a poll on my profile. Come check it out ( or if you don't want to vote just tell me if you rather Bella/Japer, Bella/Emmett or Either XD)

Anyways, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.

Don't forget to review and tell me what you think!!

I love you guys!!

Take care

Steffy

**Chapter 19:**

I started to wake up slowly, my face still buried in Dimitri's neck. It was so strange that I felt safe and _'home,' _even if he was lifeless.

I kept my eyes closed and my face in his neck. I kissed it softly, but of course it didn't trigger anything. And the little pain I felt gave away the fact that I hoped for this kiss to bring him back to me.

It was pretty freaking ironic, as now, that he had a beating heart and pulse he was more lifeless than he was as a strigoi.

I crooked my head to looked by the window as the sun started to rise. It was the beginning of the night in our world…this messed up world!

As I increasingly became aware of my surroundings, I felt a presence in the room. I closed my eyes and opened my sense wider. It was Lissa. She was sat across the room in the shadows watching Dimitri and I with a lot of different feelings. She felt heartbroken for me, but she also felt guilty and useless for not bringing him back just the way it was supposed to be.

I couldn't let her feel bad for that and how could I be angry with my best friend? She always did her best not to hide anything and even if I felt they were wrong to hide Dimitri's condition from me, I knew they did it with my interests at heart.

I slowly turned around not ready to break contact with Dimitri just yet. I smiled tentatively to Lissa.

"They sent you first huh?" I asked trying to sound as calm as possible. "Wow! Your boyfriend ain't that smart just now." I added with a sad chuckle.

I could feel a strong feeling of relief through our bond. She had been expected the worst. "Yeah… The big brave men sent the best friend, or former best friend I don't know." She said worriedly standing up. "They knew that I would be the only one you wouldn't try to harm physically."

I shook my head and stood up very softly even if it was silly to do so.

"You are my best friend and I thank you," I said opening my arms wide.

Lissa let out a sob and came crashing into my arms. "I'm sorry I failed! I'm so sorry I've let you down," she said sobbing on my neck.

I rubbed her back soothingly. "You didn't fail Liss. I swear you didn't."

"How… How… You are just saying that to make me feel better," she said sobbing.

"No I'm not!" I said realizing that I meant it. "My Dimitri is still in here somewhere and I know he will make his way back to me." I said and I knew deep down in my heart that I truly believed that. "You were powerful enough to do it. He was strong enough to survive the process and all the requirements were reunited. I mean what were the odds?"

Lissa shrugged, but I could feel that my speech was successfully convincing the both of us.

"We've got to keep faith. It's just too early to give up. I'm not giving up! You've got to believe with me." I said with a steady voice. _I can't give up. _I added to myself.

At this instant, my stomach growled loudly. Lissa broke our embrace and dried her tears with the palm of her hand.

"When did you eat last?" She asked with concerned.

"Ummm…breakfast?" I said sheepishly.

Lissa sighed and rolled her eyes. "Come on Rose, let's go and get you something to eat."

I turned around to look at Dimitri, as I was reluctant to leave him alone.

Lissa gently brought her hand to my arm. "He needs you to be strong Rose. Strong and healthy." She said nicely. "He'll need to have his Rose when he wakes up." She added taking my hand to pull me to the door.

I nodded, as I knew she was right. Plus, I needed a shower and I needed to have a word with her about the guardian issues, as I will remove my name from the list of potential guardians who would be assigned the week after graduation.

"And I need to inform the brave men that I'm still alive," she said trying to joke and I smiled really appreciating the effort.

"Come to my room," I said wrapping an arm around her waist. "I want to tell you something," I added nicely.

She nodded with a resigned look on her face, like she knew what I was going to say. But it was impossible…right?

We made it to the room and I told her to make herself at home as I needed to take a shower, but in fact, I needed the precious minutes to prepare my speech to her. I didn't want to hurt her more than I already did but it was mostly all the secrets that caused all those problems and I was sure that honesty was the best bet and should have been truthful since day one.

When I came back she had some coffee ready for me with a plate with a couple of donuts.

"I found that in your fridge… I think it's still good," she added grimacing with uncertainty.

"Yeah it's good," I said taking the plate and cup from her hand, kissing her cheek.

I sat on the sofa and patted the spot beside me.

She sat beside me and pointed to the black dressing bag.

"Did you check out the dress yet?" She asked with a smile.

"No, not yet." I said honestly. "Thank you for the present, but I got slightly…sidetracked to be honest." I said biting into a donut, as I didn't know what to add.

She nodded, blushing lightly. "I'm glad actually, so you'll have the surprise when you'll wear it for the graduation ball." She added with only mild excitation like if she was feeling something was coming her way.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, speaking about graduation I--"

"You don't intend to be my guardian," she said simply locking eyes with me.

My mouth popped open with surprise. I never expected her to figure that out by herself and being so calm…so resigned about it. I just nodded.

She exhaled loudly and closed her eyes as she closed the door between our bond. I'm pretty sure she was trying to protect me.

_It was my job…at least it used to be_, I thought sadly.

"And who do you intend to guard?" She asked still trying to sound calm.

"Huh? Guard?" I asked really confused. "No one!" I added cocking my eyebrows with surprise.

"Oh," She looked down and even if I couldn't _'feel' _her I could read the emotion on her face and it was a mix of confusion, surprise and relief. "I thought that you just didn't want to guard me anymore because…because you were too resentful."

"Excuse me?!" I asked so shocked and even a bit angry that she could even think something like that.

"Well...I…I just thought since everything that happened you know that you would rather part from me." She added this time not able to conceal the sadness in her voice.

"No Liss-" I sighed and hugged her tight. "No I would never do that. The only reason I wanted to be and still want to be a guardian it's you… Only you my Lissa." I said sincerely kissing her forehead. "You're my best friend, my sister!" I added breaking our embrace to look into her eyes, to show her I wasn't lying.

"You still want…me?" She asked like a child

"Of course silly, but I just need time." I said concentrating on my coffee again. "I need to spend some time on my own to think, to reassess everything." I took a sip. "That's why I'll still graduate and go to the big butt licking Queen party since I want her to like me a bit to give me a guardian spot beside you in the future," I said sticking my tongue out.

It made her laugh a bit and that made me feel good.

"No, I just need some time away you know, in the world." I shrugged slightly. "I'll contact you of course and I'll visit but…" I took a deep breath. "I am resentful you are right, but you are not concerned. I'm resentful of this society, tired of these rules and I'm just exhausted." I said shaking my head. "How am I supposed to be a good guardian under these circumstances huh?"

Lissa nodded and I could see she understood even if it was hard on her.

"I know you'll be safe here and you have two kick ass guardians who truly care about you." I said business like. "But just so you know…the only thing that this society did right was bringing you into my life." I said with emotion.

This time it was Lissa who hugged me. "We're going to be all right. Take all the time you need. Travel the world as long as you'll be safe. I'll wait for you. You're my Rose, you are my guardian," she said sure of herself.

"Yeah I am and thank you for understanding me." I said feeling a strong sensation of relief filling my body, as it was one of the chats I dreaded the most.

We talked a bit more. She promised not to say anything, as I only intended to tell Kirova after the ball. The names remained in the provisional list of designation a week after graduation, I would just ask her to get me out before the council meeting.

She was tired and I managed to send her back to her quarters.

"Oh, if you see Adrian tomorrow…" I said opening the door. "Tell him that I'll talk to him later and that we're ok." I added as I decided to let him off the hook. He still did some big things for Dimitri and I.

He had just been a drunken fool… I couldn't really blame him for that.

Lissa nodded hugged me once more and left.

I went to bed, but as soon as I closed my eyes I could only see Dimitri lifeless face.

I shook my head trying to get rid of this image. _If anyone could pull out of it, it was him! He was a god! My god! And I'll help him,_ I thought over and over again 'til I drifted into sleep again, all these emotions did drain all the energy out of me.

As soon as I woke up, I dressed quickly, grabbed a cup of coffee and drank it while walking to the clinic.

I arrived just as the doctor and the nursing assistant left his room.

"Good morning Rosemarie," she said nicely but a bit uncomfortably.

"Hello" I said looking to both of them. "How is he doing?" I asked the hand on the door handle ready to open it.

"Still the same," she said with a sad smile. "But he is holding on," she added trying to bring some positive.

I nodded and went into the room.

I walked to the bed and kissed his lips softly and stroked his silky hair.

"Hello my love," I said sitting on the chair beside his bed and resting my head beside him.

"I know you can hear me," I said whispering to his ear. "I know you're still somewhere inside. I don't know what keeps you lock up, but you have to come back to me. How I'm supposed to face the rest of this life knowing that you're on this bed huh?" I started to stroke his hair. "You remember your promises to me don't you? You said you would never let me, that you'll be always here for me." Tears started to fall quietly down my cheeks. "It's time to make good on your promises, I'm here now and I need you. I love you so, so much I can barely breathe."

I took a deep breath and kissed the hollow behind his ear. His skin was so warm, he felt so alive.

"I know you are strong enough, our love is just strong enough." I brought my hand to his face. "Take my strength if you need it. I give it to you. Just talk to me…" My voice started to quiver. "Just a word, anything to show me that you are fighting your hardest to come back to me. Give me something to believe in. I'll do anything to have you back I just need a little help. You healed me so many times…in so many ways…" I took a deep breath. "Let me heal you now. Be vulnerable and I'll patch your heart. I'll save you just the way you saved me."

I just rested there for a while humming for him some of his favourite songs. I tried to keep the negative thoughts as far away from my head than I could, but I couldn't help to ask myself what I would do if Dimitri never came back to me and the agonizing pain I felt in the centre of my chest gave me the answer to that.

_No, it's impossible. Dimitri has to come back to me. He just has to. I deserved it! We deserved it! _I thought drying my tears. _Our love is powerful, pure…unique. We sacrificed too much. We fought and won the right to be together. I didn't know if there was a God above, but if there was…he couldn't keep us apart! Not after all this! Not after all the things we overcame to be together. _

I stayed a couple of hours more before walking back to my room for a while. I needed a break from all this, it was just eating me up inside.

I saw Adrian leaving the guest pavilion.

"Hey!" I shouted to attract his attention.

He turned around and blushed slightly. He was as uncomfortable as possible and stood there really awkwardly.

I jogged to him and when I arrived in front of him, I did something that I was pretty sure he didn't see coming.

I hugged him tightly. "Thank you for your help." I said sincerely breaking the embrace. He was so shocked that he didn't even hug me back.

"I… It's…Well…". He blurted still shocked.

"I… Do you have a minute? I'd rather talk to you in private." I said pointing to the building behind us.

Adrian nodded and followed me to my room without a word as I was trying to word my thoughts in silence.

As soon as we made it, I started to talk while fidgeting with my hands. "I don't care of the reasons why you helped," I said sincerely. "The important thing is that you did do everything possible and I owe you a lot. More than you can comprehend and you are a great friend very dear to my heart."

"I'm sorry about what I said the other night," he said the eyes full of sadness. "I messed up everything between us and for that I'm sorry." He took a deep breath. "I hurt you freely and it's unforgivable." He said ashamed.

"It's not unforgivable Adrian. I swear it's all forgiven," I said looking deep into his eyes to show him I meant it. "I don't think it was wrong in fact, and…I'm the one who is sorry." I said taking his hand.

"Sorry? Sorry for what?!" He asked taken aback.

"Sorry for making you worried, for hurting you, for making you a promise I knew I couldn't keep." I said squeezing his hand. "I could never give you my heart since it's not mine to give anymore." I bite my bottom lip. "It had been stolen a long time by the man lying in this hospital bed and…he is the love of my life Adrian. I'm sorry."

I saw the pain in his eyes but there was also resignation. "I know that and I'm resigned or well... I'm trying to resign myself and you can't choose who you love right?"

I shook my head. "No you can't," I whispered.

He walked up to me and kissed my forehead. "Everything will be alright. He will come back to you I'm sure of it."

I rested my forehead on his chest as he rested his chin on the top of my head.

"How can you be so sure?" I asked really in need of every bit of hope I could collect.

"It's impossible to even imagine the contrary. For you, I'm pretty sure anyone would even manage to get out of hell." He said seriously. "He'll find his way back to you…no matter what obstacle he will have to face. You deserve your happy ending and we all need to see this story have an happy ending."

I smiled, but didn't say anything. I really had amazing friends and it was maybe the only area of my life that was blessed.

What Adrian said to me didn't stand on any rational ground, but it still felt so good to hear especially coming from him as I knew it was hard for him to say those words.

"Thank you…" I said really grateful.

"Anytime little dhampir…anytime" he said kissing the top of my head again.


	20. Chapter 20

**A.N:** Hey guys!! Thank you so much for the reviews for the last chapter. I'm pretty sure you are going to enjoy this one too lol.

Oh by the way if you want to check out the dress that Rose is wearing to the Ball you can find the link on my profile.=) I really really hope you'll like it.

Anyways don't forget to show the love by reviewing.

Thank you so SO much for your support.

Love you all

Steffy

**Chapter 20:**

I was getting ready for the graduation Ball. I was in front of the mirror not able to recognize the girl staring back at me.

The dress Lissa bought me was simply stunning. Red, silky and why one killer slide. Kashka did my make up and she curled my hair in loose curls, letting it wave almost naturally on my back.

I was surely beautiful right now, but someone who knew me well enough could see how different I was just by looking into my eyes.

I sighed, finally getting away from my own reflection. It didn't matter much to me how I looked like anymore anyways.

I told to my '_rescue_' group yesterday about my intention to leave the academy pretty soon. They took it really well…unnaturally well, actually. I was pretty sure that Lissa prepared them. My mom didn't hide her worries and slight deception, but she seemed convinced that guarding was running into my blood and that I would make it back sooner than I even expected it.

Tasha and Christian were, surprisingly, the most understanding. It was maybe linked to the fact that they lived among humans and that they thought it could be beneficial for me.

Tasha said she had contact in Minnesota and that she could help me lend a job and all that, I accepted her offer eagerly.

I looked at the clock on the wall on the wall. Kashka would be there any minute now for the ball. She didn't get an invite, but she was my +1. It seemed silly, but in my head the only person supposed to go to the ball with me was Dimitri. So, I decided to go with his sister…a Belikov. It was downright stupid and I knew it, but for me it was a statement that I still belonged to him.

As for Dimitri, well…I was spending almost all day long beside him. Singing, reading, talking, just being there and each night when I was leaving and that nothing had changed it ripped a little bit of my heart out and I didn't have much left already.

I was ashamed to admit it, but I didn't know how long I would be able to let my hopes being crushed.

I was pleased to hear the knock on the door. It was Kashka and it would help me put my worries aside for now, as crying was forbidden for the evening… Well at least 'til I got to bed, where I'd cry my eyes out like every night.

Kashka was wearing a simple black dress and her hair in a high ponytail.

As we walked to the banquet hall she couldn't help to laugh.

"Honestly girl…".she said looking at me from head to toe again. "I'm pretty sure you're gonna set the room on fire with that dress. I have to give her that… Vasilisa got amazing tastes."

I blushed and laughed with her. I was going to miss her a lot when she's go back to Russia. Her mother was coming next week as she informed her about the Dimitri situation, but apparently her grandmother knew that already.

I took a deep breath as we walked into the room and of course, as I expected, the room went silent and all eyes turned on us where mix feelings were dancing, but it was mostly lust in the male eyes.

I looked at the table where the Queen was. She was looking at me with slight disapproval. I didn't know if it was because of my dress or because of the person accompanying me. Maybe even both.

_Good old witch! Maybe I have to shut my mouth, but at least I can show you where you can shove your protocol. _I thought looking to the guardians along the wall.

Eddie was with them and it pained me a little that he couldn't enjoy the evening with me.

I sighed and saw my mother and Ben on either side of him. Yikes! If she went crazy over the other dress she was probably boiling inside now but she didn't let anything show…_pretends…always pretends…_I thought sadly.

I looked at Eddie again who discreetly winked at me. It made me smile. My goofy Eddie was still inside this guardian.

I looked at Kashka who was more or less discreetly peeking at Ben.

_Uh… That's new, _I thought with a chuckle when we were almost at the table.

"What?" she whispered curiously.

"I'll tell you later," I whispered back as we reached the table.

"Miss Hathaway," said the Queen with a smile. "I'm really glad that you could join us tonight. It's such an honor to share a meal with a young and brave hero such as yourself," she added seeming perfectly sincere but I knew how dark she could be. It wasn't long ago that she treated me worse than dirt menacing everything that was dear to my heart and calling me a 'liability'.

I forced a smile on my face and bowed my head slightly. _Control Rose…control_. I thought as I felt my heart rate accelerating.

"You look absolutely stunning in that dress," she said with a smile and I wanted to say _hey bitch could you at least acknowledge the fantastic person beside me, _but I didn't do it…I couldn't, For Lissa's sakes.

She pointed to the seat just beside Adrian. "Please take a seat," she said with a light in the eyes.

I smiled to Adrian sitting beside him with Kashka at my right. Across from me were Lissa and Christian. Lissa grinned as Christian winked.

The meal went down pretty smoothly, as we were not to sit too close to the Queen and mainly talked, just the five of us. It was like we usually did anyways.

After that, the music started to play and couples started to dance on the central dance floor. I looked at them and especially at Christian and Lissa. They were so graceful together. A real couple full of love, you could see that. Seeing them waltz the way they were made it clear they were royals, but also that they were deeply in love and totally trusting in each other.

I half smiled. Those two were in for life I was sure.

Adrian was fidgeting beside me and I shot him a sidelong glance. I could see that he wanted to invite me to dance, he just didn't know the way I was going to welcome it. I didn't see anything wrong dancing with Adrian, but people, the Queen in particular, would see a lot more than a simple dance and I didn't want that.

I didn't want the Queen to brag on about how the great Hero of the moroi world will be soon a member of her hell-like family. That would never happen and I didn't want to hurt Adrian.

I sighed and looked away to show him there was no point to invite me. Tasha was studying me and she probably understood my internal dilemma, as she stood up and flashed her bright smile to Adrian.

"Lord Ivashkov would you dance with me?" She asked very formally.

Adrian stood up. "Of course Lady Oreza. It would be a great honor," he said smiling back.

Tasha winked at me as I mouthed her a thank you.

I discreetly looked at the Queen and saw that she had her lips pressed into a fine line. She didn't like the fact that Adrian danced with Tasha…and boy I was enjoying that.

I was so lost in my contentment that I didn't hear anyone approaching. I jerked in surprised when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

Christian was standing behind me.

"Would you dance with me Miss Hathaway?" he asked very officially. "It would be a great honor for me to make you waltz," he added reaching out with his hand.

It took all I had in me not to burst into laugher. Formal Christian was hilarious and the fact that he was formal with me was even funnier.

I looked at Lissa who was sat again across from me and she pleaded me to accept through our bond. _Come on Rose, it's just one dance. It will be good for you… Change your mind a little._ She thought to me.

I looked at the Queen and the horror glance she shot us decided me.

The great Hero of the moroi dancing with the '_Strigoi wannabe' _? That was a total Kodak moment!!

I nodded and took his hand. "Of course, Lord Oreza," I said as formal as he was. "I'm honored by the invitation."

We walked together to the dance floor, his hand on the small of my back.

As we danced he chuckled softly.

"So… How is the old witch taking it?" he whispered to me as he made us twirl.

"I think she is going to have a stroke or something," I said not able to conceal a genuine smile to form on my lips.

"Ah, an authentic smile from Rose," he said sincerely pleased. "We miss those you know." He added seriously.

"I know Christian...I know." I said squeezing his shoulder. "It's just that…I'm trying my best," I said backtracking.

"I know you do and I'm pretty sure some time away will do you some good." He said kissing my cheek. I was almost sure I heard someone gasp when he did that. _Fucking people and their dirty mind _I thought wishing I could beat that idiot up.

"But she was right you know… You are absolutely stunning in that dress…" he said sincerely. It was even more of a compliment as he wasn't trying to flirt or anything. He was just speaking his mind. "You are literally breathtaking! I swear I'm looking around and I don't see a guy in that room that didn't wish to be me right now."

I laughed. "Nobody can take the spot I have for you in my heart." I said shaking my head. "You are my number one cocky smartass."

"Yay!" He said pretending to marvel at the thought.

_I just wish I was I someone else's arms, _I thought sadly immediately regretting that.

Christian probably saw the sadness in my eyes as he tightened our embrace.

"He'll be back… It just takes time. We don't know what he experienced as a strigoi and …" He sighed. "All he needs is time."

I nodded biting my bottom lip to stop myself from crying.

"You know what could you cover for me like half an hour?" I asked, as the waltz was about to end.

"Go and see him Rose…" He said knowing what I intended to do. "But come back okay?" he asked almost pleading.

"Of course! I won't anger the Queen!!" I said as I already angered her enough for an evening. "30 minutes," I said with certainty.

Christian nodded. "Okay. I'll said you went to the toilet to _'freshen up.'_ You women can take 30 minutes to do that…easy!" He said teasing.

"Uh… We'll talk about that later mister." I said taking his hand to leave the dance floor. "Well, see you in a bit." I said tranquilly, walking to the main doors.

I decided to wait to be outside the building to break into a run, but I wasn't sure it would be wise with my stilettos shoes and the dress I was wearing. _Won't be very lady like to come back with bleeding knees would it? _I thought.

As soon as I was outside, I decided to take off my shoes. I was about to unfasten the first one when I heard my mother behind me.

"Rose?" She asked nicely.

I turned around and blushed furiously like a child caught in action of making a mistake.

"I'll be back in no time. I just need to go and---" I started.

"It's okay Rose. You can do whatever you want," she said with a warm smile.

I looked at her, slightly startled. She was so different than the mother I had before leaving. She was much more caring, softer somehow. Maybe she decided to cut me a break as I went through so much already.

"I just wanted to tell you that you look amazing. I'm not saying that because you are my daughter," she said a bit embarrassed. "You are so, so beautiful Rose and brave and caring and…" she swallowed loudly and I could read the emotion in her eyes. "And loving."

"Mom I--" I started but she ignored my interruption and continued.

"You followed your heart and gave it to someone who gave you his in return. I'm so proud of you Rose, so proud of the person you are… of the woman you are becoming." She said putting her hands on my shoulder. "All that to tell you that…that I'm proud of you whatever path you decide to follow because I know it will be the right one for you. I… I love you Rose," she added as a conclusion smiling uncomfortably.

I hugged her tight trying my best to fight my tears, but my shivering voice gave my emotion away. "Thank you so much mom. What you just said… It means the world to me. Knowing that you're proud of me? That you love me?" I shook my head. "I love you too you know. So, so much!!" I added not able to conceal a single tear from falling.

My mother dried it away softly. "I need to get back, but I'll see you later" she said kissing my forehead.

I nodded and rushed to the clinic as my head was spinning following my mother loving words. I dreamt to hear them for so long and I realized just now how much her approval meant to me.

I left my shoes by the entrance and walked up to Dimitri. I kissed his lips softly.

"You know… You were supposed to be the one coming with me to the ball." I said sadly. "I imagined myself dancing into your arms where I would feel safe…at home."

I sighed kissing his forehead. "I'll go soon my love, but…even if I'll be away my heart will stay here with you." I said on the verge of crying again. I think I never cried as much in my all life than I did in the last two months.

"Well I better go back," I said as seeing his face not acknowledging my presence every day was still as painful as it was in day one. "I really thought that what we shared could overcome everything." I stoke his hair gently looking at his face with all the love I had. I loved him so much that I actually felt physical pain, like my body could not hold all this love. I started humming…

_"Better to have loved you and let you in than never to have touched your skin. Better to have hurt and screamed and cried. Fall into the earth for a trip to the sky. Better to have loved - you - I gave you everything but you have said goodbye.'' _

I quietly sang the lyrics of the song _Better to have loved _by Idina Menzel.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. ''Here or not, my heart will be yours and yours only.'' I said walking to the door, as I had to get back before they really started to question my absence.

''I hope you liked the dress. I wanted to be beautiful just for you… To give you a reason to come back,'' I added somehow embarrassed.

I bent down to pick up my shoes when I heard the most significant sound in my world. A sound I would have given everything I had ever owned just to hear once again.

''You are so beautiful that it hurts sometimes,'' he said with a hoarse voice. It was the exact same words he said when we were under the lust spell.

I turned around to look at him and, even if he was still in the same position, there was something definitely different, there was recognition in his eyes.

_My Dimitri was back! _I thought as my heart burst with happiness and I collapsed on my knees.


	21. Chapter 21

**A.N: **Hey guys!!!

Here is a chapter full of fluff and cheesiness I mean we need it after 20 chapters of angst no?

Thanks to all of you who reviewed I was so so happy to read them all.

Oh one more thing I need to warn you guys that next chapter will contain a page and a half of M rated writing. I will of course put a warning at the beginning of the chapter and just before the M part will start I mean I didn't want to rate the full story as M just for like 2 pages you know.

Anyways enjoy and don't forget to review to tell me what you think.

Hugsies xoxo

**Chapter 21:**

I stood up and rushed to his side.

"Oh, Dimitri" I said with a sob, starting to give him butterfly kisses all over his face. "You came back... You came back to me." I said with tears in my eyes, but this time it was tears of joy. I couldn't stop to look into his eyes, where the gleam of life was back.

"Of course," he said with a voice barely louder than a whisper. "I would have battled all the Demons of Hell just to see your face again."

I chuckled while sobbing and it made a very strange sound that made him smile.

"It looks like you missed me too?" He asked his voice hoarse.

"You have no idea," I said putting my hands on each side of his face. "It's not something you can word. I was like…non-existent without you."

I could see he had trouble swallowing.

"Do you want something to drink?" I said going directly to the bathroom not waiting for an answer.

I came back with a glass of water, lifted the bed a bit and helped him drink.

"I'm going to call Olendzki, let her know you're back. She needs to check that everything is fine." I said worried looking around to try to locate the phone.

"In a moment," he said the voice clearer. "I… I just need to be with you for now Roza" He smiled. "Things can only be fine when you are by my side."

Of course I was worried to see if he was okay but I was just so happy to have him back and I needed to share the love we felt that I gave in.

I smiled and walked back to the bed. I kissed his lips softly. "I feel just the same," I said assessing the situation. I took the glass from his hand and lay beside him.

"You're going to damage your beautiful dress." He said while circling my waist with his arm.

"I couldn't care less about the dress," I said snuggling so close to him that it was like our bodies were one.

"Yeah, well… You'll have to wear it again when I'll be better." He said seriously. "I really want to...appreciate it differently." He added and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Whenever you want," I said with a low chuckle.

"I won't forget that," he said cheekily.

I sighed with content and I was actually happy that the dress had such a high slide, as it allowed me to wrap my leg around Dimitri's body and he brought his warm hand and rested it on my bare thigh.

I kept my head on his shoulder, but brought my hand to his cheek to caress it tenderly. I wanted to ask him what he could recall, how he made it back to us but it was way too early we'd have all the time for that since I would never let him abandon me ever again.

"Damn Rose… I knew you would be here," said Kashka walking into the room. "That's nice to abandon me with Queen bitch."

"It's nice to see you _sistra_." said Dimitri with a chuckle, but he tightened his grip on my thigh and his arm around my waist in order to keep me where I was.

"Dimka?!" She asked almost choking on the word. "Oh, Dimka!" She added with a smile in the voice. "I knew you could do it!" She added walking to stand beside the bed.

I kissed his jaw. "Let me get up," I whispered.

He sighed, but loosened his embrace so I could stand.

Kashka bent down and kissed her brother before hugging him tight.

I looked at them and decided to give them some privacy. As Kashka told me before he was her brother, she had been grieving too.

"I better go back to Queen bitch before she starts wondering where I am." I said reluctantly.

"Yeah, she was starting to wonder what took you so long…" She shook her head.

I stood there locking eyes with Dimitri and he probably saw my reluctance to let him.

"You go Roza. I'll be here waiting I swear." He promised with a small smile. "And maybe you can tell Olendzki that I'm awake." He added with a wink.

I nodded. "Will you come back?" I asked to Kashka.

She laughed. "Oh, I don't think so Rose. There is a limit of what I can deal with before going crazy psycho."

I chuckled. "I know only too well what you mean," I said giving Dimitri a quick peck before rushing back to the Hall.

I wanted to shout my happiness to the world. I never ran so fast or felt so light before.

As soon as I walked in the room, there was probably something so different about me, as the eyes of my friends were completely locked on me. Even Eddie lost his guardian smugness and looked at me with questioning eyes.

I looked at Christian and Lissa who looked at me for a little while before I saw their eyes widen with understanding and relief.

I just nodded toward them to let them know that they guessed right.

I walked to Olendzki and when I whispered to her ear that she needed to go and check on Dimitri as he was awake she almost fell of her chair.

She stood up immediately and excused herself as calmly as she could before rushing out.

Eddie finally realized, by the blissful look on my face and Olendzki's reaction that Dimitri was back. He discreetly elbowed my mother and Ben before pointing toward me with his chin.

I went back to the table, excusing myself for my prolonged absence and sat still a bright smile on my face. It was so much easier to deal with all this Queen shit now that my Dimitri was back.

All of my friends were so happy for us and even Adrian seemed genuinely happy. We kept our chat in hushed tones, as we didn't need the Queen knowing about it, and I actually felt like the old Rose, strong and ready to conquer the world.

Once it was polite enough to leave, I pretended to be tired in order to get back to my room. The Queen didn't seem bothered by that and even wished me a good night.

I think she was so absorbed by herself that she didn't even get that our little group excused itself in a 10-minute time slot.

We made it to the clinic almost all of us at the same time which crowded the room.

Olendzki was in the room examining Dimitri and asked up to give them some space and to come back in the morning.

Apparently she noticed my murderous glare as she took a step back toward the bed, probably scared I would shot her, which I was actually on the brink of doing.

Dimitri chuckled. "Come on Roza…" he said nicely, locking eyes with me.

As soon as I looked at him all the anger I felt just instantaneously faded.

"I'll still be there in the morning and you need to sleep for a while. I can see you're tired." He winked. "You need to change too even if…" He looked at me from head to toes again. "Did I tell you how much I loved the dress?" He added with a cheeky smile.

I blushed slightly and nodded. "Yeah... I think you did." I said chuckling too.

"Well… I guess his libido is still working just fine!!" muttered Christian behind me.

"That's it perv. You're out!" I said to him but I couldn't help but smile.

"You're **all** out." Said Olendzki seriously. You had to give it to the woman… she had some guts.

I finally nodded surrender. I felt very self-conscious with my friends around as well. Dimitri and I used to share our love in our own little world, hidden from the scrutinizing eyes. I didn't know if he was ready to actually show what we had to the world but his next words answered that question for me.

"Don't I get a kiss goodnight?" he asked looking at me.

I smiled, but Christian talked before I could say anything.

"You kinky Russian… I don't swing that way but if you really want one…" He said trailing off. You could leave it to him, he was the best to lighten the mood.

I heard a low thud and a _'ouch' _coming from Christian. I guessed Lissa had just slapped the back of his head.

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "I thought you'd never ask." I said walking to him as the others left the room.

I kissed his lips very slowly. "I'll miss you tonight." I whispered to his ear.

"I'll miss you too my Roza, but you'll be right here," he said pointing at his heart "and right there," he said tapping his temple. "You always were you know… you never left me… not a minute" he added taking my hand.

Those words meant the world to me. I've been hoping that I was in his heart and head as he always was in mine.

"I know… You were with me too." I kissed his forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow," I said reluctantly taking a step back. I nodded toward Olendzki to show her my gratitude and left to meet my friends that were waiting for me in front of the clinic.

We all met in my room and explained to Tasha everything, as she was clueless. We stayed together just chatting for a couple of hours on how we were relieved and how Dimitri and I deserved that happy ending and everything but all I knew was that, for the first time since the Strigoi attack, I was in a hurry to go to sleep as I couldn't wait for tomorrow to start… Time wasn't my enemy anymore as I got to spend it with Dimitri.

-----------------------------------

When I made it to the clinic the next day Dimitri looked even better than the previous day. His bed was completely up so he was sitting. He had his hair back in his usual ponytail and his face just lit up when he saw me like… Like I was the only person in his world.

"How are you doing?" I asked walking up to him.

"Much better now you are here." He said smiling.

I kissed him and softly brushed his cheek with the back of my hand. "Trying to seduce me?" I asked teasingly sitting on the bed slightly turned on my left to face him.

"Is it working?" He asked with a wink putting one of his hand on my leg.

"Oh course!" I said laughing now. It was my first real laugh in forever and it felt so nice. I really thought it would never happen again.

We just stared at each other for a little while lost in each other's eyes.

"Do you know how much I love you?" I blurted out before even thinking.

"I've got an idea yeah… And it's pretty close of how much I love you" he said squeezing my hand. "I mean…" He shrugged. "You even sang Josh Groban to me…" He smiled. "I never thought you were a fan."

My mouth popped open and my eyes widened. I did sing _You Are Loved (don't give up)_ while he was 'out' but I never thought he remembered.

"What was it already?_'Don't give up, it's just the hurt that you hide. When you're lost inside, I will be there to find you.'_" He sang very, very badly_. _At least I found something he was terrible at. "And you did find me. I reached the surface because of your voice. I fought because I knew you were waiting for me on the other side."

"You heard everything?" I asked really feeling bad for him. "How… What was it like?" I asked a bit embarrassed to bring such a sensitive subject but the curiosity had the best of me, as usual.

He nodded lost in his thought. "It was weird you know, like being under water. I heard the voices from far away, but it was yours that really reached me." He looked at me. "Loud and clear and... And I was fighting my hardest to resurface. I wanted to tell you that I was trying." He shook his head. "It was killing me to hear your pain and not being able to make you understand that I was trying."

"I'm sorry to have caused you distress." I said sincerely.

"Don't be silly!" He said lovingly. "Don't you understand? When I heard you say you were going to leave for a while, that was the thing I needed and I fought even harder, I didn't think I had it in me but letting you go without you knowing how much I loved you, how much I needed you…" he shook his head. "It was just impossible."

I didn't say anything I just threw myself in his arms. He wrapped them around my waist with a low chuckle.

"Awww Roza… I did miss your impetuosity." He said kissing the top of my head.

I craned my head and started to give him some open mouth kisses along his jaw. He tightened his grip around my waist probably to show me how much he liked what I was doing.

I propped up to start kissing his lips and he replied, pretty eagerly, to my kisses when we heard a loud throat clearing behind us.

I quickly jumped off the bed and saw my mother standing awkwardly on the threshold.

"Well, I'm...sorry to interrupt," she started, looking around as to ease the discomfort she felt and probably the one she felt coming from us too. "I... I just wanted to check on you."

"Thank you…" Said Dimitri nicely reaching for my hand entwining our fingers together. He perfectly knew that my mother…well the whole world knew about us and he decided to make it clear. "I'm glad to be back."

"We're glad to have you back." Said my mother keeping her eyes on our entwined fingers. There was no anger in her eyes, only worries and who could blame a mother for that? "We…worried a lot." She added finally looking up again.

"Rose," he said squeezing my hand to ask for my attention. I looked at him with wonder. "Could you give us a moment please?" He asked me coolly not show me it was no biggy.

I looked at him warily which made him chuckle.

"Please?" He asked tentatively.

I sighed and nodded. I kissed his forehead and walked to my mother. I was pretty sure that I had pleading eyes saying _'please be nice with him mom.'_

As I passed by her she smiled tentatively and padded my shoulder.

"You look so much better Rose," she whispered to me.

"I just haven't been able to breathe for so long..." I said with a small smile walking in the corridor closing the door behind me.

I looked both at my left and right and looked at the door for a little moment. It would be wrong to listen wouldn't it? He asked me for privacy I owed him that right? But with each question I took a step closer to the door.

_Ehhh Never mind! I had never been able to let go of this damn curiosity and it won't happen today plus _I looked around again _if God didn't want me to listen He would send someone in this corridor now_ (yeah, yeah I know I loved using God when it was in my best interest but...who doesn't?)

I locked my ear to the door as Dimitri was talking.

"…Yeah I know and really I wanted to talk to you in other circumstances, but I guess that life decided otherwise" he said with a low chuckle and by the sound of it he was uncomfortable. _Oh my god I finally get it!! He was seeking approval!! _

I listened even more eagerly now.

"I intended to talk to you after graduation. Explain to you why I wouldn't be the princess guardian and the reason is that…" He stopped for a little while probably thinking. "As hard as Rose and I tried to stay away from each other, we were not strong enough. We stole each other's heart and it became pointless to pretend we could put any moroi life before each others… No one's life is more valuable to me than Roza," he said and I could hear all the love and care in his voice that it tightened my chest.

"I… I can comprehend that but… She is still so young Belik--- Dimitri. I can't help but worry."

The room remained silent for a while and I almost barged in as I started to worry. I really didn't want him to start questioning our relationship.

"I see how you can feel that way but I know Rose" He said seriously. "No offence but I think I even know her better than anyone else as she opened up to me like she never did before and she also understand me like no one else." I could hear the fond smile in his voice. I could even picture it on his face. "She is a lot older in her head. She reads through me," he chuckled. "She saw through my pretends, my fears, my weaknesses. She helped me to stand when I needed her and I lent her my strength when she needed it."

My mom exhaled and it seemed to be an act of rendition.

"Well, all that to tell you that I really, really do love her. More than I can express and I really wish for you to approve of me…of us. I will spend every moment of my life to make her happy, to make her safe…I don't pretend it will be perfect but I will spend every moment together to love her like nobody else ever could and if she ever shed tears because of me it will be tears of happiness as every breath I take will be an ode to our love"

"There is no point arguing with the love you share." Said my mom softly. "And I wouldn't have believed so much love and resolve to sacrifice everything for each other was possible. I mean when I saw what you went through for each other, the obstacles you overcame… Well, it stopped me in my determination to kill you" she said chuckling.

I sighed with relive imagining her go all Carrie on him.

"I know that Rose loves you more than reason should allow it." She said not at all judgmental, she was just stating a fact. "And it seemed that you loved her just the same…and the recent Strigoi experience, how your love for her remained…" She stopped for a second. "Take care of her, ok? Promise that you'll make her feel worthy and loved for the rest of your existence" she said seriously.

"I swear it on my life." Said Dimitri earnestly. "I'll spend everyday showing her she did the right choice when she chose to give me her heart."

"So I wish you two to be happy. And I'm happy to welcome you into the family…son." She said sincerely.

I took two steps back and quickly walked a bit further from the door trying to dry my tears of happiness or otherwise I'll be screwed.

About two minutes later, my mom opened the door and smiled to me as I was standing about 15 feet down the hall.

"Well, I'll see you later Rose," she said with a smile.

"Yeah, I love you mom." I said impulsively.

She looked at me and smiled even more. "Love you too," she said going up the stairs.

I walked back into the room closing the door behind me.

"Hey." I said walking to the bed.

Dimitri smiled. "How was I?" He asked eyeing me.

"Sorry… What?" I asked naively.

Dimitri laughed loudly. It was a real laugh. "Come on Roza!! I know you too well!! You're a helpless curious! I know you had the ear so glued on that door that you where almost making one with it." He took my hand and kissed it. "I love my cheeky Roza." He added winking.

I laughed too. "You were just great and… I feel just the same you know that." I added crawling back to the bed to be beside him. "I'd give anything for you."

"And you almost did." He said a bit sadly. "We will need to talk about the future Roza…our future fairly soon."

I turned my face to kiss his cheek. "I know we do, but get better first and then we'll talk future," I said nicely. "And I don't really care I'll be fine as long as we're together," I said and it was a small lie, as I would be happy of course, but a part of me needed to have a role in Lissa's life… how small that role would be .

"As long as we are together" confirmed Dimitri bringing his hand to my neck to kiss me passionately.


	22. Chapter 22

**A.N:**

READ FIRST **So I decided to remove the M part from this chapter because well it is maybe (not sure) not soft enough ( expect the unexpected will have a softer M part that will remain in the chapter) SO I decided to post the original version of this chapter in a one shot.**

**So anyways it's your choice, here is the T version or you can check the M.**

Thanks to all my reviewers! As you know there is only one chapter left after this one and it has been a blast to write this story will people like you to support me all the way.

Don't forget to review!!

Hugsies

**Chapter 22:**

"So…" I said tightening my grip around Dimitri's waist as he had his arm around my shoulder. "You wanted to talk?" I asked slightly worried about what he was about to tell me.

We were taking a small walk at the back of the clinic building, taking some fresh air. It has been two days now that he was awake and we started to spread the news that Dimitri was back, back as a full dhampir.

Yesterday both Lissa and Adrian were received by the Queen and they were going to work a full report (like a complete book) for the Court on the_ 'Strigoi State reversion'_.

There was no need to hide Dimitri anymore and he did his puppy eyes when he asked me to go and take some fresh air. His steps were still a bit stiff but I didn't mind helping him, just being against him was pure bliss.

I helped him to a bench, kissed him quickly and sat beside him straddling the bench.

I forced a smile as I started to seriously worried about what he was about to say.

He looked straight in front of him, but I didn't think he was looking at something in particular, I think he was just considering what to say and how to say it. I kept my eyes locked on his perfect profile.

As he remained silent, my heart rate increased as I didn't know what to expect.

"You know Roza since I came back…I'm not…I'm not the man I used to be." He said calmly still staring ahead. "There are some things I can't do anymore."

_What? WHAT?!!! _I thought, breathing with trouble. _Does he mean that he can't be with me anymore? No, no that can't be!! He loves me!!_

I guess Dimitri heard my ragged breathing as he turned a questioning look to me. A flash of understanding crossed his face. "It has nothing to do with us Roza!" He said rapidly to calm me down. "One thing will never change and that's how much I love you. How much I want you and how I want us to be together."

I took a deep breath and nodded with an apologetically look on my face. He took my hand and held it tight.

"No. The problem is that… Well, I guess it is linked to you to some extent" he said kissing my hand. "You know when I was…a Strigoi," he said in a breath and I realized how it was hard for him to talk about it. "Well, in spite of everything, I loved you so much! I was still inside somewhere, I didn't care about many things but when I saw you in that tunnel I swear my silent heart beat once. I was so scared to see you die that my _'real' _instinct took over and I protected you instead of protecting them." He said at once.

I squeezed his hand showing him my support.

"I'm pretty sure there are other strigoi like that and I don't know…if I could ever be the same guardian as I was before this… Killing them would be a lot harder," he added shameful.

"Aww Dimitri," I said kneeling on the bench hugging him while resting my chin on top of his head. "It's ok… It's just fine." I added so relived it was just that. "You just need time. **_WE_** just need time." I added stoking his cheek relaxingly.

"I wanted to travel for a while you know…" He shrugged slightly. "And I know it's selfish, but I don't think I could handle it, be at peace if you are not beside me." He said turning his head slightly to kiss my throat.

"I'll go wherever you will go," I said then realizing it was a song title but the instant was too emotional to make me chuckle.

"What about Lissa? Your guardian role?" He asked worried. "I feel selfish to ask you to leave everything to go away with me, but I know I'll do it," he said against my throat. "Because I know I can't go anywhere where you aren't Roza."

I kissed the top of his head. "I already had the intention to give up my guardian role for a while Dimitri," I said soothingly. "I love you. That's as simple as that. I want to go with you I want us to be selfish for a while, live just for us…enjoy what we have to the fullest."

He looked up as I leaned in to meet his lips.

"I want to take you to Russia I want you to meet my family…" He smiled. "I want you to visit the… How did you call it?" He thought for a minute. "The _'desert wasteland'_ ?" he chuckled.

I decided to play along and smile cheekily. "Don't worry I don't mind… As long as I'm with you."

"So…you… You're coming?" He asked with hope in his eyes.

"I'll follow you anywhere." I said kissing him again but as soon as my lips touched his, he brought his hand up and deepen our kiss and boy it was good.

After a little while we parted as be both needed air. I rested my forehead against his and looked into his eyes.

"You think your family will like me?" I asked slightly worried.

"They're going to be crazy about you Roza!!" He said sincerely. "You're so unique! Kashka is the hardest in the family and she loves you as her own sister. It's a done deal!!" He added with a chuckle.

I sniggered too. "Well your mother will be here in 3 days so I'll see then" I said trying to sound cool but I was so worried that she wouldn't like me knowing what an important role she played in his life.

He seemed to read into me as he did so many times before. "She is going to love you Roza…I promise she will." He said rubbing my arms.

"Yeah…" I said still unconvinced. "Well, let's go back in," I said standing up reaching for him.

"It's ok Roza I can walk just fine," he said standing up without help. "I just loved having your body so close." He added wiggling his eyebrows to me.

I really had to laugh at that one. "You really don't need to trick me for that." I said walking to him and hugging him tight. "I love being against you as much as you do."

He smiled. "My Roza….my life," that's all he said.

We walked hand in hand back to the clinic. We met two or three guardians along the way. They greeted us politely but they couldn't hide their surprised look and they saw our fingers entwined. It was true that knowing about something was really different from seeing it first hand.

_____________________________________________

The next day, when I arrived into Dimitri's room I couldn't help the feeling of panic when I noticed that his bed was empty, but I calmed down almost straight away when I heard the water running in the bathroom.

I shook my head and exhaled loudly. I was so scared to lose him again… No I wasn't scared, I was terrified. I was incapacitated just at the thought of that.

I closed the door of the room and walked slowly to the bathroom door as an idea was forming in my head. More I was thinking about it, the more my heart rate was accelerating and my cheeks were getting red but I wanted, no, no I **needed** to be with Dimitri again. To connect like we connected that night in the cabin in what seemed to be a century ago.

I took my clothes off and, as I tiptoed to the shower door, I couldn't help but feel self-conscious. I knew he already saw me naked a couple of times before, but I couldn't help to dread the rejection. What if he didn't want me now?

I swore to myself that I wouldn't take it badly, as he probably still needed time, but I knew deep down that it was a lie.

I took a deep breath and slowly opened the door and had a clear view at his spectacularly muscular back streaming with water.

**[M PART CUT OUT. CHECK THE ORIGINAL VERSION ONE SHOT IF YOU WANT TO READ IT]**

We finally made it out of the shower, dressed up with happy and peaceful smile on our faces.

We got out of the bathroom laughing, hair wet, but I was thinking I could justify it by the rain outside if anyone showed up in the next hour or so.

But, as soon as we got out of the bathroom, my laugher died in my throat. Kashka was there with a little smiled playing on her lips. There was no way she didn't hear us with her enhance dhampir hearing! But it wasn't the worse, Kashka I could handle it was the woman standing beside her that I had trouble to look into the eyes. I was wishing that the ground would open up and swallow me.

She was looking at us with slight embarrassment, but she was also pleased to see us so tightly connected.

Dimitri, possessively, wrapped an arm around my waist and smiled his brightest smile. "Mama… This is my Roza," he said leaning in to kiss the top of my head.

_Dimitri's mother!! She was 2 days early!! _I finally looked up to meet her eyes. She looked very pleased and genuinely happy to meet me.

"It's very nice to meet you Roza. I've heard so much about you," she said standing up giving me a warm hug. "I couldn't wait to meet the love of Dimka's life." She said taking my hand and Dimitri's and placing them in both of hers.

"It's a really pleasure to meet you Mrs. Belikov," I said trying to calm myself and trying to pretend she didn't hear what just happened in that bathroom.

"Please call me Irina." She said warmly. "Anyone brave and in love enough to risk her own live to keep a promise made to my son has a special place into my heart." She added so nicely that it tightened my chest. She then concentrated her attention on her son. "I'm so happy to have you back my _Syn_. It was like going through hell when I thought I lost you." She added sadly. She then quickly glanced at me. "You chose well. You gave your heart to the person who gave you hers in total confidence. Take care of her, protect her heart."

"I will mama… I'll love her till my last breathe." He said locking eyes with me.

"And even beyond that." I said out loud without realizing it.

"And even beyond that," he confirmed in a whisper.

Dimitri let go of me to hug his mother.

"Well… I'll…go for now," I said still so embarrassed.

"Yeah. I need you to help me pack," said Kashka reaching for my hand.

"Yeah!!" I said taking her hand eagerly making Dimitri chuckle.

"I'll see you later my Roza," he said leaning down to peck my lips which made me blush.

"Yeah…that makes her blush!" mumbled Kashka as I glared at her.

"It was nice to meet you Mrs. Belikov." I said timidly.

"Irina," she said cheerily.

"I'll see you later." I said looking into her brown eyes that was as far as I was concerned the Belikov trademark.

She smiled brightly.

As soon as we made it outside I playfully slapped Kashka arm.

"You could have told me your mother was coming earlier!" I told her still mortified. "I mean come on!!"

"Why?" She asked walking beside me. "You would have restrained yourself from doing a remake of the very famous porn _'Hot Shower' _with my brother?" She asked pursing her lips very hard not to laugh.

I stopped dead on the path the mouth wide open.

She stopped to stare at me laugher in her eyes. "I mean you've got a voice girl! Ever considered a career in music? Well, now I know that you guys are compatible on every level."

"Oh god…" I groaned imagining what their mother was thinking about me right now. "I can't believe your mom heard us…"

"Rose, I think even a deaf would have heard you two!" She said regretting it when she saw the level of embarrassment. She put her arm around my shoulder and resumed walking. "Ehhhh chill. It's not that bad." She said finally chuckling.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked sarcastically. "What could be worse than meeting the mother of the man you love after she heard you go at it with all you had huh?" I asked rhetorically.

"Well… She could have seen you?" Tried Kashka, laughing even harder.

"So not helping here…" I said pouting as we walked into Kashka's room.

"Yeah, I know I'm sorry I stop," she said but she still had laugher in her voice. "Ummm, just a question before dropping the subject."

I nodded warily.

"For research purposes, what was the position you guy choose? Because you two seemed to enjoy it… a lot." She added with a wink.

"You'll pay for that!" I said feeling my cheek burning red as I threw her a sofa cushion which she dodged easily.

"You better hurry up then I'll be gone tomorrow," she said suddenly sullen.

It stopped me in my track and I looked at her with a smile.

"I'll miss you," she said sincerely. "I really enjoyed having you around" she said uncomfortably.

"Well, I won't miss you," I said sincerely.

She looked at me with both hurt and shock.

"Well, since I'll be in the same plane as your mother next week." I said nonchalantly.

"What?!" Asked Kashka with a wide smile.

"Yeah," I said chuckling. "Dimitri and I have decided to flight with your mother and to spend some time with you guys in _Novosibirsk_." I said thanking god I learned the name by heart.

Kashka walked up and hugged me tight. "And, how long will you stay?" She asked curiously.

I shrugged. "We don't know yet… 1 month, 2...We'll see." I said with a smile. "As long as we're together…."

"Don't worry they'll love you!! All of them!" She said not teasing anymore. "You will conquer them all." She added winking.

"Even _Ba'booshka_?" I asked teasingly.

"Especially _Ba'booshka_!" She said putting her hands on my shoulder. "Believe me, she is not that terrifying."

I nodded, feeling even more eager to go away with Dimitri. I was already super excited as he said we'll be staying on our own. Just the two of us…Wherever we were… it would be Heaven on Earth.

Our little group was already aware of this trip as I told them the night before just after Dimitri and I decided to go for a while.

They were totally happy with that and I even think Lissa was rather relieved that I was going away with my big bad Russian boyfriend to keep me safe

I promised to come back and for the first time in a very long time I knew I would.


	23. Chapter 23

A.N: OH MY guys! This is the last chapter and I'm very sad about it but it had to end eventually right?

I'll maybe write a sequel later but I'm not sure just yet so…I'm not promising anything.

I wanted to reiterate what I wrote chapters after chapters, your kind words really REALLY kept me going and there is no word to really express my gratitude.

You can find the link to the picture of "view" from the balcony as well as the Ring on my profile =)

Anyways I hope you'll enjoy this last chapter…I'm pretty sure many of you were waiting for that scene.

Love you all

Steffy

**Chapter 23: **

**Two months later:**

I was sat on the lounge chair on the wooden balcony of the Log Cabin that Dimitri and I were occupying for the last 3 weeks.

I was watching the sunrise in the horizon and the view was as breath taking today that it was on the first day.

The Log cabin was his grandmother's and the balcony had a direct view on the Baikal lake and it was magical. Who would have thought that such a paradise could be hidden there?

The first time I stood on this balcony I was just speechless. It made Dimitri chuckle and when he asked me if I still thought he came from a desert wasteland, I just shook my head.

In the 5 weeks I spent with his family, I really felt welcome, like I was one of them. They were so welcoming, so warm so full of love. It was a new world for me but I loved every minute of it. Dimitri's sisters were my sisters, and I love his grandmother and mother very so deeply.

Dimitri once told me how much love there were in the Dhampirs communities but you really had to be there to really appreciate it. The weather was maybe cold there but their hearts were hot with love. As soon as I was there I was considered as a full Belikov with everyone. I even started to learn Russian as Dimitri thought the swear words (he did reproach it playfully to Kashka but he didn't really care) shouldn't be the only thing I had to know.

When I left his mother even succeeded to get some tears out of me when she said _'I can't wait for you to come back_ _Doch"_ (Daughter in Russian)

When Dimitri suggested for us to have some times just the two of us I was so happy but also a bit sad to let this new family behind. I liked being there but being alone with the love of my life was just too good to refuse.

His grandmother approved of us so much that she lent us the nice log cabin she had at the lake. And I never thought it was possible, but everyday I woke up next to Dimitri, I loved him even more. I truly felt blessed and I knew I wouldn't get enough time in this life to show him the extent of my love.

A small breeze made me shiver and I tightened my grip on the plaid blanket I was wrapped in. I didn't sleep well last night I had an email with news of the Academy and I was starting to long for them, for this life I thought I could leave behind.

Everyone was doing just fine, they were happy, having a blast teaching but… I had to admit it, I missed my friends. I missed my Lissa but I needed to be with Dimitri more than I needed them and if I needed to abandon a part of me behind it had to be that one as I knew already that I could hardly face the world without him by my side as he would probably hardly face it without me.

"Hey…" He said with a voice full of sleep from beside me.

I jumped in surprised and looked at him, and like everyday, looking at him made my heart fill up with love.

He was bare chest in cotton pajama bottoms and his brown hair was loose brushing his muscular shoulders. His eyes were full of sleep. He looked like an angel and he was mine.

"You know how beautiful you are when you wake up?" I asked with a smile.

"Not even as close as you are." He replied walking to me to peck my lips.

"Come on," I said moving at the side to leave him some space and opening the plaid for him to join me. "Watch the sunrise with me."

He nodded. Laying beside me, I rested my head on his shoulder as he wrapped the plaid around us.

I kissed his shoulder and sighed with content.

"What's wrong Roza?" He asked lovingly doodling aimlessly on my back with his thumb.

"Ummm? …Nothing it's ok." I said fondly.

"I know you better than anyone in this entire world Roza," he said coolly kissing my forehead. "You miss her?" He asked but there was certainty in his tone.

"I do…a little." I said feeling guilty to admit, while in his arm, that I could long for something more.

"It's alright," he said and there were no hurt in his voice. "It's an important part of who you are Roza and I fell in love with that part as much as any other part of you. I don't want you to change."

"I love you more than anything else... As long as you're with me, I'm happy." I said sincerely.

"I know that Roza and I love you more than it's even possible to comprehend," he said tightening his embrace. "Do you want to go back?" He asked nicely.

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter," I said trying to sound detached. "What do you want to do?"

He exhaled a bit exasperated and rolled over so he was on top of me to look deep into my eyes. "That's doesn't sound like the girl who stole my heart," he said quickly kissing the tip of my nose. "Don't take me into account please and just answer that simple question…Do you want to go back to St Vladimir?" He asked keeping his eyes on mine.

I closed my eyes a second before looking at him and again and whispered, "yes."

I expected him to be hurt but it never happened. A wide and genuine grin spread on his face. "It's settled then. We're going back. I'm pretty sure they'll have a teaching position for me. And Home is where you are anyways. You're my peace of mind Rose, my sanity," he said before starting to give me some open mouth kisses along my jaw line. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist.

"No not now," he said against my lips and it shocked me. It was the first time since we were officially together that he stopped me.

_He is probably more hurt than I thought _I thought sadly unfastening my grip around his waist.

"I'll be back in a second," he said rushing into the room. When he came back he had his light hoodie on.

He stood the back resting against the railing of the balcony looking at me with a strange look in his eyes.

I sat straighter, the feet on the floor. "What is happening Dimitri?" I asked not able to conceal the stress in my voice.

"Oh, don't worry it's all good," he said but I could hear the worry in his voice. "Or at least it could be."

"Ok…" I said confused.

"You see I've wanted to do something since we arrived here and…" he shrugged slightly. "I think I was just a coward and always waited, found an excuse but now we'll go soon and I need to do that before we leave."

He reached out with his hand. I took his hand and stood

"You know I love you right?" He asked looking at me. I nodded . "You know I'd give anything and that I'll do anything just to make you happy, to keep you safe." He added still really intense.

I nodded again but a lot slower with wary. "Yeah me too I---"

He kissed my lips quickly to shush me.

"Please…" He begged. I smiled. "You know that everything I have, my heart and soul are yours."

"I do… As mine are yours." I said with emotion.

"Ok, now that's all cleared up," he said in an attempt to calm both of us "I need to ask you something."

"Anything!" I said quickly which made Dimitri smile.

He took a small velvety box from the front pocket of his sweater and got down on one knee.

I brought my hands on my mouth knowing only too well what was happening.

"I love you Roza, I never thought that kind of love existed somewhere else than in the Hollywood movies and then…then I met you and you made me whole! You patched my heart that I didn't know needed fixing. You became my essence, the reason of my existence." He said the voice shivering with emotion. "I understood the moment I saw you why Earth had been created and it was only because we needed to be together." He took a deep breath and looking at me the eyes glistering with tears. "I know it isn't much but…" He opened the box "Rosemarie Hathaway would you marry me?"

I couldn't speak. There were so many things I wanted to say, but couldn't say. I just nodded letting tears of happiness fall down my cheeks.

"Is that a yes?" He asked taking the ring out of the box and slid it onto my fourth finger.

"Yes! Of course I'll marry you!!" I shouted, jumping into his arms. "I'm already yours anyways!" I asked kissing his lips forceful.

He made me twirled in his arms laughing with happiness.

He finally settled me down. "You know you just made me the happiest man in this Universe."

"Well I owed you that much since you just made me the happiest woman in this universe!" I added cheekily I finally looked at the ring which was both simple and sober, just like us. **''**It's beautiful, the most beautiful ring in this world and it's priceless as it comes from the only person I'll ever love. You gave me your heart and soul Dimitri... I'm the luckiest woman who ever walked on Earth.''

I took his hand for him to follow me inside. ''What do you think about going back to bed?'' I asked suggestively.

He laughed and hurried up. ''Oh yeah! Future Mrs. Belikov'' He pulled me along this time and jumped on the bed taking me with him.

I laughed. ''Mrs. Rose Belikov? I love the sound of that! You know that I never felt as good as I feel now.'' I said laying beside him letting my hand roam on his chest.

Dimitri closed his eyes. ''_Ya ne ma-gU bez te-byA zshit' _'' he said in a whisper. ( A.N- Means 'I can't live without you')

Hearing Dimitri deep voice whispering in Russian that he couldn't live without me made me shiver.

I honestly never thought it was possible to love someone as much as I loved him but that how it was. And now, when I was secured in his arms in this seclude place where only each other truly mattered, I understood that all the obstacles we faced made us realized that we couldn't be one without the other. All this pain made us stronger in a way that we truly became just one.

We were ready to face the future together and we knew now that there was no obstacle that our love, strength and faith in each other couldn't overcome. As long as we'll be together…We could face it all.

And sooner than we could have expected…We had to face it.


	24. AN, HELP PLEASE!

Hey guys,!!

I** need your help**!! I guess most of you've seen my video 'Rose and Dimitri: Epic Love' that I posted on you tube (link on my profile www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=iuR7R-eDm90) well I discovered today that someone uploaded it on their own account even copying the text on the side bar and he/she is trying to take all the credits for it!! (www(dot)you tube(dot)com/watch?v=BFeAzSPZ_8s) Please you have to understand the number of hours I spent making that video and I think my rights as the creator should be respected!! His/ Her username on you tube is _**moviecomeingsoon **_(www(dot)you tube(dot)com/user/moviecomeingsoon)

Help me spread the word and stop this plagiarism. Comment on his/her profile, anything really to show her/him it's not all right to steal other people hard work.

Thanks for your help

Steffy 2106


	25. Note

Hey Guys!

I'm going to do something totally shameless and ask you to vote for my video I really REALLY want to win!

I made the top 10 (Well 11 really) and I wanted to know if any of you would like to vote for me pretty please? If I win I will post a poll and wrote a story that YOU want me to write!

My trailer is Trailer 11 (Steffy2106)

And the link is…jenniferarmentrout(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2012/02/obsidian-fan-made-trailer-voting-is-now(dot)html

Thank you SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!

PS for those who wait I will update Rebirth by Wednesday at the latest


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